Feeling sorry for myself today. Does anyone else feelthat those around have forgotten yyou’ve been ill. I had surgery in August and Rads in Oct/Nov and now on Letrozole. Back in work in Dec to a demanding job in Social Services. I’ve been really positive but feel that everyone - husband, family, friends work colleagues etc have forgotten I’ve been ill and expect me to be 100% like I was before…and I’m not. Should I just try and pull myself together or do others feel the same xx
Don’t worry you are not alone! Lots of us feel like you do. I started a post saying almost the same thing just the other week. Truth is our lives have been turned upside down. We are trying to get used to the new ‘normal’ whatever that is. But the people around us think because the main treatment is over, then we must be okay!
Apparantly things will slowly get better, but don’t be too hard on yourself. Think after all we’ve been through, we are entitled to grieve for our old, uncomplicated lives.
Sending you (((((((((((Hugs))))))))) take care xxxx
Helenrose, Jukes1064 and Nannysal,
So agree with your feelings…I went back to work approx 2 months ago and the number of people who say oh you are looking really well…one (who previously said she had 3 close friends who’d had breast cancer) was suggesting catching up over a beer or two one eve. Nice but no one seems to have a clue that by the time I’m done at work I have ****** all energy to give to anything else. …it is really hard when you live on your own since knackered post work can so easily = no social life and no support. Not always easy to pick up the phone for a comedy rant when exhausted although overcame that this pm and felt so much better 4 it! thankfully it was mutual!
Recently saw consultant onc who offered to write a letter to my employer if needed (since she was somewhat shocked by employers approach to bc returnees). I take your poor insubstantial OH report and raise you 2 GP fit notes plus one leading onc (specialising in breast radio) letter! Who should have to play such a ridiculous game of Top Trumps? Let alone when you have previously flogged yourself for said employer who claims health and safety is paramount! Pah! Show it!
Weird, in the office dealing with some crisis or the other one min, then discussing 10 yr survival stat’s with the onc the next…not sure which world is Narnnia! Then the well meaning colleague asking how’s it going…for first time I found myself saying I feel like I’ve hit a wall this week. Colleague looked stunned that I hadn’t said something positive. I felt guilty…but why should I? Are we really supposed to be 100% superhuman in the office at all times while recovering from this horrid disease?
Feel like I’ve got one foot in Narnnia and the other in the old wardrobe full of coats…and only other people who really get it are either in the same situation or exceptional friends, more often than not with either personal or medical experience of something similar. That sounds like coming out of the closet!
Hope this week is better…during treatment I was told to be kind and compassionate to myself…think we all need to remember that.
Oh and to the colleague who said, “I just think it’s amazing that you are back” - thank you - thank you for momentarily reminding me of what counts, what I’ve been through, and how far I’ve got.
Jules - approach a manager, director, hr whoever with a fit note or letter from onc…don’t stand for it, turn the tables…I had to but it improved xx
seabreeze (rather gusty and blustery this eve)
X
It seems quite a few of us are going through the same thing. It’s right you feel guilty for not being able to perform at the same level which is ridiculous really after what we have been through. I feel like I am causing trouble going to occ health but I need to take care of myself. Starting an 8 week mindfulness course through my oncology centre which helps deal with the psychological scars through meditation. Hoping that helps so I am stronger to deal with the not so kind people at work.
Im retired but can sympatise i live alone and friends were great during the actual crisis i couldnt stop one friend constanly checking up on me, coming to appointments with me etc. having me round Now i waiting rads and on taxmaxifen , i look and feel fine, im on my own at weekends again, no invites round,the freind who kept checking has promised to come round the past 3 weekends,she only lives a mile away, hasnt. I spose its partly my fault as i never make a big fuss, and i do feel ok and havent got to have chemo. But ive got this hanging over my head for ever, and on your own a lot, you try not to dwell on things too much but you do. you cant ever be same, I got very down being on my own before and think maybe was that combined with my long term HRT that caused it as im very healthy normally,so dont want to get in that state again. its hard without someone in your life, one friend suggested i join another dating site, seize the day, she said, but i dont feel i want that,most men on them want one thinglol even in 60s, and that is last thing im interested in at moment, with wonky boob and sore underarm, If im honest m not interested in in anyway, stopping HRT i doubt if i ever will be againlol .
Think much harder for woman having this who do live alone, you want to enjoy life and make the most of it, but can be damm hard on own. Know you having work problems as you say but i feel at least at work, id have something to concentrate on, but know how my old company is now, id be having similar problems to you June
Trouble32,
Nothing muddled about your post at all. I’ve trying various responses to work colleagues like pacing myself, ok but still getting very tired…
I stayed much later than I really should have today, was spotted doing a massive yawn by a colleague, who jokingly said “are we keeping you up?”…to which I replied “yes actually!” Did cause a few chuckles and wouldn’t have responded so if the person wasn’t someone who kind of gets it and means well. It led onto a wider conversation about cancer with some colleagues which helped…
Seabreeze (less blustery today)
Lolly73 - good answer I’ll use that thank you.
Seabreeze - good to know I’m not the only one who suddenly yawns at work!
Great to hear that this is a ‘normal’ phase of the journey and great to chat with people who understand
These posts echo exactly where I am now. I’ve gone back to work and Ive been trying to build up my hours. I overdid things big time last week and was wiped out all weekend. Its hard to explain to people how tired I get and how easy it is to do too much.
People at work think as Im back I must be better. Ive got strange looks from people when I leave early. I have decided I’m no going to let it get to me. Im trying not to feel guilty about leaving early and doing part time and Im not going to let it get me down.
I am not usually one for going to support groups but I have found one locally, which was advertised in the breast care unit at the hospital. It is great to talk to people who really understand where you are in terms of your treatment as they have all been there. There are ladies all at different stages, some like me diagnosed last year, right up to others who are over the 5 years. It really has been my lifeline these last couple of weeks, so I would recommend it if theres anything near you.
Yes Cassie I think your probably right …they’re damned if they do and damned if they don’t. I realise too I had loads of lovely girlie oestrogen in my body for the past 40 yrs, sailed thro menopause with periods stopping and no side effects at all and find myself now with depleted female hormones and wondering when the old me is coming back. Well she’s not coming back but the new me is here now. I’ve taken up new hobbies with different people and I must tell people nearest and dearest to me when I need help xx
How true. I find it difficult to ask for help so probably not great at explaining why I need the help. This is such a new and different situation to be in and we are all learning as we go along. Must remember that our supporters are also new to this.
I am 3 years on from BC dx. 6th March 2012, surgeon told me “Your cancer has all gone”, but my oncologist took away that euphoria by suggesting I consider chemo as the tumour was 28mm and grade 3. I didn’t have chemo in the end, but was still 4 months off work (in a primary school) by the time the surgery and radiotherapy were over. I was very lucky as my Head teacher at the time was very understanding and let me set my own phased return. My colleagues have also been very supportive, but I still, regularly, remind them that the Tamoxifen makes me tired.
Recently, I have been suffering with bouts of upset stomach and have had a series of scans - Ultra sound, then CT and now I’m awaiting an MRI, next Monday, to be absolutely certain that the patch they found on my liver is not mets. The US scan picked up a gallstone, so I’m fairly confident - most of the time - that that is what is causing my symptoms.
I have found friends, family and colleagues respond well when I tell them: “I *THINK* I’m alright - but then I felt OK before I got the initial mammogram recall 3 years ago, so I can never be sure.” My colleagues have been very supportive and know how worried I am, at times, waiting for scans and, worse, results. Honesty is the best policy - and if they don’t like it they are not friends and are not worth worrying about their feelings!!
These forums are wonderful for talking with ladies (and some gents!) who have been there and understand. I’ve made some really good friends on here over the last 3 years. Be gentle with yourselves, and remember: whatever you are feeling you are probably not alone!! x
Thank goodness I have found this thread, I was beginning to feel crazy, I can relate to almost all the posts, at work its a casual Hi how are you, obviously same greeting for most people but all I can say is knackered, because thats how I feel. Been back since end of January after lumpectomy and snb at the end of August, I did have 15 rads, and also got the ‘all clear’ good margins etc. no spread through the lymph glands - I know I am lucky a little unfortunate but very lucky. But I feel so weepy, I think its time to ring my breast cancer nurse just to see if I am ‘normal’ boob all sore still and swollen, one day I think its getting better and the next it hurts somewhere else. I can talk to myself and say its all part of the recovery and believe it some days - not today though its been rough. Thanks for listening xx
Pamx
Hi Pamlicious, like you I am so glad I found this thread, i don’t feel so alone hearing about similar experiences and getting good advice. I hope you have had a better day today, I’ve found it hard realising the extreme differences between one day and the next, but with the help of postees (not sure that is a word but hope you know I mean your wonderful forum people) learning to go with the flow. today’s 30 minute nap was great just fell asleep for a further 3 hours … Oh well, must of needed it.
take care
So GREAT to have found this thread thanks HelenRose, Sebreeze, Fizz … And all the others, but Chemo memory is still very poor.
I’ve found trying to be strong and not stunningly affected by people’s reaction is my biggest battle. I’ve had friends who quickly scarpered. Friends and workers who really dug the knife in.
BUT luckily I have some good friends and they have been my life saver, discovering that some people are really here for me has given me strength to go on.
I have to work to pay for a London mortgage, thinking of downsizing, but it’s hard to find anywhere cheaper with my energy levels.
Planning to be around for another twenty years so grabbing opportunities of mindfulness and co unsealing with both hands. In the meantime, seriously learning notto react all over the place, and crawling home to bed and avoiding not - real - friends is my best way forward, oh, and if they are me how I am, or say I look great, I say yes but I feel **bleep**.
My standard response to how are you was
‘I’m ok at the moment, up haven’t cried for [insert applicable time here]’
Currently it is
‘Physically I’m healing well. Mentally and emotionally I’m a mess’.
And to try and explain how I’m feeling, what’s going through my head, to my fella I thought up the analogy of a nasty car crash he was involved in a few years back. He had just, 3 months earlier, bought a classic car of his dreams before someone ran into it from behind at a roundabout.
Once fixed, I know he initially was really scared of driving the car (6 months of intensive repair) and very nervous of stopping at junctions, especially roundabouts and if there was traffic behind… well… nightmare.
I said getting into the car everyday is like seeing my scars each morning. A little reminder of the accident.
Driving it is risking another accident, like living every day… what’s the risk of bc returning.
Approaching roundabouts is like each time I have an appointment, I wonder what will happen this time.
I think he got my meaning.
Hi Helen Rose I just logged in to the forum I was on here a lot last year when I was diagnosed with BC and had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy and I’m now on tamoxifen. I had my treatment in August and went back to work in October on a phased return and here I am 6 months later still having weepy days, still having pain in my breast now and again still quite moody and far less tolerant at times than I was before all this hormonal upheaval!! Have had problems with the tamoxifen thickening my uterus lining so that was yet another worry but it seems to have settled down and I’m going to stay on them for the time being . All in all I do consider myself lucky to have not required chemo and I’m so trying to be positive and move on with my life but it can be hard at times and surely we are all entitled to having these days when we do not feel smiley happy people who are ‘well’ again ,as we all know this has been a scary , frightening experience in our lives and it’s not something we can just forget and most of us are on tablets that we weren’t on before , most so us have scars we didn’t have before which are constant reminders of what we’ve been through ,and yes we do move on but people just don’t get it do they!! So you certainly are not alone in your feelings and I for one def feel the same way !! Xxx
Hi Gilly73 and welcome to the BCC forums
Along with the support here BCC can offer further support including our ‘Someone like me’ service and also our ‘Moving forward’ support for people who are moving forward after treatment for primary breast cancer.
They aim to provide information, support and professional guidance on how to cope with and adjust to life after treatment, here’s the link to these and other services which I hope you will find helpful:
breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-services
Please also feel free to call our helpliners to talk things through and to find out more about the support services above on 0808 800 6000, lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays (re opens tomorrow after BH)
Take care
Lucy BCC
Hi to all.
After nearly 50 years of no health issues at all, I was diagnosed with bc last July, and have had chemo, then WLE in December and 15 radiotherapy sessions finishing mid Feb. Went back to work at beginning of March.
I think I’m harder on myself than anyone around me. I keep telling myself that treatment is all over now so I should be ‘back to normal’ , but then can’t understand why I still ache all over and am tired all the time. My husband is amazing and keeps telling me to slow down or leave things, but I just want to be me again. I can’t get used to not being able to do everything I could before.
I also have a constant worry about getting lymphoedema and am always checking my arm. Does anyone else feel like this?
I know I should now think more in terms of this being a new me, and working out how to live to that persons limits, but it’s hard to change my thoughts of what I want to do, when my body doesn’t want to do it 
Reading through this thread has helped me realise that its not just me who is tired, and that it will take longer to recover than I thought, so thankyou all for that xxx