Understand the terrible effect this disease has on Husbands - partners - children, but situation is not quite like this. Son has been supporting his wife through BC - both have been marvellous. Suddenly all anger seems to be directed to parents - all their fault. The awful,virulent and vicious,and mostly completely untrue stuff coming out of his mouth, is unbelievable Understand it must be hard to see us in good health and her not,thought done everything possible to help over the past year, but situation now (have to say that think he is getting some pressure over this) where it would appear we have let him down all his life - which is totally untrue, never been supportive etc. etc. Realise people have to blame someone - anyone else experienced anything like this, as have seen lots of very angry people on the forums - hoping for advice
Hi Saddened
I have not experienced anything like this myself, and I am so sorry it has happened.
Is it possible that your son and his wife now see some light at the end of the tunnell, and their anger previously directed inward at the cancer has now lost a part of its focus, so is now being directed outwards?
Have you tried asking him to contact the BCC helpline and talking to a Partner Volunteer? There are only 8 of us now, so maybe we won’t be able to find someone who has experienced this sort of reaction, but it may be worth asking, and someone may be able to help.
If he won’t ring himself there is nothing to stop you doing so yourself and speaking to a Partner Volunteer about a Partner’s attitude to Breast Cancer.
I’m sorry I cannot help further, I only wish I could
All the very best
Steve
I have not experienced this anger, but I’m feeling totally helpless at the moment.My sister has just had secondary cancer confirmed and we are awaiting confirmation as to exactly what we have to face. I can think of words in my brain to say to her(especially when on my own walking the dog), but at the moment I can’t seem to offer effective comfort. She is so private (& very stubborn !)that I can’t come out with the correct words to say. Apparently we didn’t do enough previously in the care of her child by taking hm off her hands. We did try, but it seemed though we were abandoning her by whisking him off on outings. It’s a very difficult time for all - my sister has practically written herself off, but I will not give in to to this. Is it best to try & sit somone down and say ‘just give it to me straight - no holds barred’ and from this we will work out a solution / reasoning from there ? Just need to talk really as it seems we are all wrapped in our little bubbles at the moment just floating about in limbo. Thanks
Hi Saddened
I have experienced this and do so regularly from my husband, and it was me who had the BC! He has issues that he can’t deal with. I am and always have been the emotionally strong partner, which is just as well because his support though brill to begin with, soon reduced to nothing. He never asks me how I feel, if I’m well, when my next app is. I know this is often a man thing, but I think he feels he just can’t discuss anything with me, as if I am fragile, which is daft, and as a result he gets frustrated with me and himself.
I don’t know if this has helped. I hope your son can snap out of this, as it is so unfair on you both. Don’t be affraid to tell him how much he is worrying / upsetting you with these comments.
Personally I think my husbands outbursts are eroding our marriage and he probably needs councelling but it’s pointless even mentioning it to him. BC damages people, not everyone copes with it.
Good luck
Irene
Hi to everyone on here
this is my first time on here last month my sister got the news she was dreading BC it came as a big shock as we all said it could be a siss,we were all in tears and didnt know how to cope after each appointment,she had a one 7cm lump removed but ended up in intensive care because the surgen accidently punchured her lung so not a good start then they said they need to reopen and take more so they did this time removed a 1cm lump now goes in next tuesday to remove her right breast its such a worrying time i just been reading some of the posts on here and i think everyone of you are very brave people im going to tell my sister some of storys well be strong god bless you all xx lora1
sorry to hear that you feel that you’re having a tough time, that’s the trouble with cancer it sadly doesn’t spare anyone
have you considered that your son and his wife might just be reeling from the diagnosis and need support, and that unfortunately might mean that for now you need to grow a thicker skin
when I was diagnosed I got great support from all my extended family, but sadly my partner got no support from his siblings
maybe look at things from his point of view