fat, forty and fed up

I had my 40th birthday last week and can’t help but think how many more will i live to see.
Everyone made a big effort and I played the part well. I have put on so much weight(my oncologist has told me it’s the medication).

I currently have secondary in spine and wonder when it will spread.

Sorry to have a moan but I look around me at my lovely children and family and wonder how long I will be around to enjoy them. A good friend died after Christmas with breast cancer and since her passing I feel no one really understands the frustration and worry.


oh bless you, i know how it feels , i had my appt at the specialist and they weighed me i have gone from 8stone to 10 stone 6 oz, i know its horrible but i just concentrate on the fact im still here!
sending you hugs
love galen xx


From the fat, fifty and fed up! I am now the same weight I was when I gave birth to my first child!!! But as GB says, we are still here.

Hugs Sue xx

Hi Muddy

Firstly, you’re not alone in the weight gain stakes - I put on around a stone and a half since my bc/bone mets dx in December 08. I’ve been trying hard to shift a bit, have lost a few pounds but it’s very hard-going - I blame Arimidex and Zoladex, not sure if you’re on the same drugs. Anyway, as Galen says, I’m trying not to worry too much about that and am just grateful to be here.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so low though. You’ve just had a milestone birthday which is bound to bring up the feelings you mention. I’m 10 years older than you and my children are, I think, older than yours at almost 14 and 12, but like you I dread not seeing them grow up, especially as I’m a single mum.

However, I have been repeatedly told by my onc that my bone mets are very treatable and there are LOTS more treatments out there to try - meanwhile I’m responding really well to what I’m on at the moment. I think we have to take inspiration from people like Belinda and Scottishlass who are still doing really well several years on from their bone mets dx and try to treat this as a chronic condition. Also, even if it does spread to organs, there are lots of ladies on here doing really well with lung/liver/brain mets so I try to take heart from that too.

I know things can change in the blink of an eye, but I am really trying hard to take each day as it comes and not dwell too much on the future, although of course I have my bleak moments as I’m sure we all do. I had about 15 sessions of counselling last autumn which helped me quite a lot - it’s not for everyone but just wondered if you had tried that? My bcn put me onto a specialist cancer counsellor at the hospital and I did feel a lot better at the end of the course.

Take care
Lesley xx

Oh muddy I’m a real fatty now…but I’m still here, just in biggie clothes. It’s hard to lose a friend. I miss Jennywren a lot, we had known each other a few years…but I know Jenny and the other friends I’ve lost would want me to live well…while I’m still able, as would your dear friend.
Good to hear you had a lovely 40th. Take Care…x.x.x

Thank you all for taking the trouble to reply. I feel a bit better now that the ‘big 40’ is over.
I have tried counselling but since I used to be a youth counsellor as part of my work I found it all a bit too familiar and almost could predict where the conversations were going - and lets be honest at the end of the session I still have a life threatening cancer!
My boys age 14 and 11 keep me going. i don’t know how I’d cope without their humour and practicality.
Thanks folks. Hopefully I’m not ready for the scrap heap just yet.
Also it is 3 years this week since primary diagnosis and my worst nightmare came true with secondary spread to spine. So a lot going on.


Dear Muddy, you are definitely not alone. Before my primary diagnosis I was a slim bean, now I have a definite middle aged spread. I hate it! Doesn’t help that I’m much less active since my secondary dx…partly lethargy, partly discomfort, partly chemo. Going on holiday soon and dreading the beach - not that I’ll be sunbathing but can’t exactly hide under a blanket! Sometimes it does feel like another cross to bear, but don’t despair.