Feel sick, mx this week

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Morning all

Going in tomorrow and having mx Tues, only 18 days ago i was told that i have bc, since then mri came back with 2 positive lumps possibly muliple. Having got a treatment plan yet as my onc said that he has to consider age, if the lumps are near my chest wall (not sure what this means) grade and size until he has all this info he cannot let me know. He said prob a ‘blast’ of chemo then rads. Also nodes are to be checked.

I went back to work up until y’day.

Now im sat here my heart is pumping, my boob is hurting and i feel so sick. Im worried how my daughter will cope as she’s 22 and an only child. My OH is so supportive and positive i couldnt have coped so far without them. Ive only met my bcn once as she is now away on hols but i also wanted to know if thers any support for my daughter out there. Sorry for babbling just that im so nervous now and dont know who i can talk to.

Michelle x

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hi michelle,

i had my mx november last year, i felt very confident until the day of the operation when i went to pieces and couldnt get out of bed,

i remember when i did eventually build up the courage i sobbed the whole time i got dressed and right up until i arrived at the hospital, i couldnt stop.

it is quite normal to feel the way you do, and just go with your emotions and dont try to keep them inside, i am 44 with 3 children, 12, year old daughter and 8 year old twins boy and girl, i am sure your daughter can get support either by coming on here, or your bcn will be able to tell you where else help and support is available,

it is all daunting and frightening and if it helps you are not alone, we all deal with it in our own way, as you will,

there are a lot of questions you will need to ask and there is always someone on here that will be able to give you help, support and advice,

good luck for tuesday, i will be thinking of you, keep positive, and be strong, you can do this, and you will be a better person for it.

sending you love and best wishes, keep posting love liz xxxx

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Hi elizabethtracey,

I thought that i was doing ok, up until now! its reassuring to know that im being kind of normal. i just wanted tomorrow to come but today i never ever want it to get here if that makes sense.

Thank you Liz, i feel a little less mad now.

Michelle

x

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hi,

i felt kind of numb, i was going through the motions of normal day to day things, getting up and getting the kids ready for school etc,

but it was always in the back of my mind, its one of those situations you know you have to do it and it seems to come round quicker than you would like it to!

although you want to do it, at the same time you dont,

keep thinking positive, be strong, you can do it.

lots of love liz xxx

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Hi Michelle

We all understand how you feel, I can remember I had lumpectomy and then Mastectomy, and I was terrified, I was physicaly shaking. The nurses were lovely as was the dr’s. Getting to the hospital is the hardest part, once you are their in no time they are calling your name and it’s all over. Then over the next few weeks chemo and rads and you hopfully will soon be on the mend, it is the fear of the unknown, but all doable. Take care will be thinking about you tomorrow, by the way it is my 3 years since diagnosis on 11 June and I am on the up. love junieliz x

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Im just fearing getting through the next couple of days, i want to try and be strong so that i dont upset family, but i today im wobbling.

Im usually the organised one of us all and i just feel so out of control not knowing whats ahead.

I’ll keep posting as im sure my emotional rollercoaster has a long way to go yet!

BIG thanks for all your comments today, i feel better already.

Michelle

x

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Michelle - be wary of trying to be too strong… not because of any effect on your own health, but because sometimes our closest family don’t feel able to say how they really feel, because mum is being ‘so strong’… My eldest, 17, spent months trying to put a brave face on it because I was obviously just sailing through, and he didn’t want to make me feel bad! It was only when I was halfway through chemo, and had a meltdown on the chemo nurse whilst he was with me, that he felt able to really tell me how he was feeling, and we both felt so much better for that.

Your daughter will find it hard, but letting her know that yes, you are scared, and yes, you do want to howl, but that you will get through this - is perfectly ok to do. If you can give way to your perfectly sensible emotions, she may well find it easier to do so too, and be honest with you about how she is coping. If you don’t know, you’ll be more stressed wondering!

I had my mx in November - and was just totally numb and matter of fact about it… until they said I could go change into the hospital gown. I changed in the toilet, and all of a sudden the tears were just streaming, like I had no control of them whatsoever!! ‘Got a grip’ (how ridiculous to worry about it), until I was wheeled through to have the ga, and then the tears started again - but the nurse was fantastic.

Recovery from the op was very much easier than I could have imagined, and six months on, my scar doesn’t bother me, or my OH, one bit - and with a prosthesis in my bra, I prob. have a better matching set now than beforehand.

Be kind to yourself - and don’t hide your feelings, hun - of course you can focus on the positive ‘i will get through this’, but there’s no harm to anyone in admitting how scary it all is.

Sophie xxx

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Oh, and completely forgot - yes, there is support for your daughter - Macmillan is there for the family as well as the one being treated for any form of cancer - and they can always refer her to counselling/anything else that might help her. She can also come onto this forum - there is a section for families of those affected.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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hi Michelle

I had my mx on Wednesday of last week and came home on Saturday, I was really nervous as it was the third op within so many weeks, but please be reassured you will be ok, please don’t be hard on yourself and do try to take it easy, it’s the initial thought of what the operation entailed that had me scared, but just remember its one step nearer to getting better

good luck

Trisha xxx

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Hi Michelle

Just to reiterate what your fellow users have said, your daughter is welcome to use the forums for support and there is a ‘Family, partners and friends’ section where she will find support from family and friends in similar circumstances.

Our helpliners are also here to support you and your family so feel free to call on 0808 800 6000, weekdays 9-5 and sat 9-2.

Take care
Lucy

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Hi all

Thank you for your reassuring words. Up at this silly hour as I cant sleep, feeling that I dont want to go into hosp in a couple of hours time but then on the other hand I cant wait for the mx as like Trisha said its one step forward to getting myself sorted.

I think my feeling may explode this week, but now I now its perfectly normal for them to to come out and Im not going to try and hold them in. Ive accepted that I have no b****y control over this thing!

Thanks again

Michelle x

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hi michelle,

thats the way to go, you will have so many different emotions, up and down, in and out,

just when you thought you had it all together, you will fall apart again!!!

and then you will feel as if you are losing it and have it all under control,

its a roller coaster, one step, and one day at a time, you can do this and you will do this,

think positive, dont let it grind you down, and go with the flow,

all the very best to you, i will be thinking of you and sending you good vibes, love and best wishes to you and yours liz xxx

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Thinking of you today xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Sending you a bigggg hug…

take care and one day at a time

Donna
xxxxx

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Hi Michelle

Just wanted to let you know I was touched by your post and just wanted to echo what others have said. I also have a 23 year old daughter who is my only child and I found not only my diagnosis devastating but the difficulties and distress that this brought for my daughter as we are so close( but also other family especially my mum & sister ) what I would like to say is that I was were you are in July 2010… and we all came through - I had a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and I know you will too. You often here the phrase ‘its doable’ on the site and its true - be kind to yourself, let others take some of the strain. I have found the site and the wonderful women who share their experience, wisdom, sadness and humour so valuable in supporting me in my hours of need that it got me through and I am sure you will too.

Love and hugs to you and your daughter

Angela xx

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Sorry posted twice