Aw, Stargazer, another hug coming up. With a side order of chocs and flowers. Sunflowers OK?
You are such a cheerful support here, and a kind befriender, it is a shame to think of people being rubbish at friending in your direction.
I have found it strange who has been communicative and who hasn’t, but feel I have been inconsistent in the past in the frequency of my communications, so can’t feel hard done by. The ones who have wound me up more have been ones in frequent contact and I have had to learn to bite my tongue (to add to all the other side effects)and think that they mean well ;o)
Lavender
xx
People seem to be so much more comfortable with the thought of us going into hospital, having surgery and the nasty cancer is all gone!
Cards, flowers, chocolates, phone calls, concern galore.
But then it goes on, that’s not the end of it. We can’t say “yes it’s all better now thanks and I’m fine” If only …
I have to say that prior to it happening to me I might have been the same. I hadn’t a clue of what is involved, what chemo really was, side effects, fatigue, rads, triple negative etc, etc.
We learn so much in a short space of time.
I try and remind myself that people deal with these things in different ways, some can approach us head on(bald or otherwise!) and others have to bury theirs in the sand and hope it won’t touch them.
We are all different. I also realise why should I sit here feeling sorry for myself and expect everyone to contact me all the time. If I can answer the phone then I can call out too.
Sometimes I have to bite my tongue and realise that most people mean well even if they don’t know what to say.
Hi there everyone,
I was diagnosed in 2006 and it has just raised its ugly head again. All the people that kept telling me “you’ll be fine”, when you constantly worry have no idea what the journey is like. I think that some people think if they aren’t near us then it may no happen to them!
They have no idea what the treatment entails and its effects, are most of us constantly want to reassure the people surrounding us that we are fine.When sometimes we want to scream or cry…and cry…
Well enough of that, its the weekend and no work tomorrow.
Have a great weekend everyone xx
It’s a hard one isn’t it.
When I was first diagnosed I had people coming to see me that I haven’t seen in ages, including friends from my old workplace etc.
I felt very loved!
Now - 6 months on - I think I’m a cancer bore. But that’s all there is in my life, we can’t afford to go anywhere, going out is a luxury. So now I just dont seem to have a lot to say!
People do have their own lives as well. I’m guilty of that myself, or have been in the past. I’ve learnt my lesson now but what a way to learn it. I think it’s that until you’ve have it, you don’t know what it feels like to feel lonely.
The amount of times I’ve heard “I didn’t want to bother you” and I say “I want bothering - I’m bored out of my brain and I’m lonely in the daytime,come bother me. If I don’t want bothering I’ll say so”
I’ve done that myself - if and when Icome across mates who get something bad, I’ll ring or message and ask them if they’re up for a visit or if they want leaving be! LOL.
I don’t think it’s evilness from my mates!
Emotions exascerbate things as well, feel more deserted when I’m vulnerable feeling!
Well…
What a week its been, arrived back from holiday on early hours Tuesday morning, Dentist Tuesday afternoon, Herceptin Thursday, Chemo Friday, received a horrible bill from Tescos for my phone for £181.00!!! Its normally £45.00, but apparantely an application went on by itself and charged me at £131. for four hours. I have been on the phone to tesco protesting, but to no avail. I have since found out that I am not alone in this happening, and will be getting in touch with offcom on Monday. Hubby took son for haircut and we ended up with a puncture and when he got to the garage he was told he really needs four new tyres, so more money!! We eventually took my son down to Canterbury and got him settled in his new room to start his new life at uni, so all in all its been a week with emotions every where. My baby leaving home is really a sad time for me!! BUT I am so proud off him and want him to be happy.
Anyway I am not feeling unloved anymore as heard from lots of friends in dribs and drabs, and realise now that people do care, I was just feeling very very emotional and vulnerable. I have learnt that Cancer does that to you!!
Anyway happier bunny tonight!! (but sad about my son too, but in a happy way)!! xx
hi, this post took me back, Iwas having chemo 2 years ago and like you dropped my last baby off at uni, what a time, I felt like i had ahd the world taken from me, so down, but happy that she had got away from the house of cancer.Now we are making plans for when she finishes next year,its just flown and so much has changed for the better, im back to near normal, shes grown so independant. never ever thought we would be happy again,
take care it will ease xx
double post!!
Thank you truffle, he is my last baby too! The other one graduated this July.
Lovely to hear you sounding so happy 
hugs to you. xxx
SGL - what a week indeed!! Im glad that your feeling better about things and your friends have come good :o))
Hope you give offcom what for…u go girl x
Hi Stargazer, what a time you have had! That’s hopefully all the crap out of the way for a while!
Glad that things are going a little better. Nice to hear from you. x
Hi I know how you feel/felt my friends most of them have been great. But my sister has not even phoned me! I think she must think I ve had the MX the cancer has (supposedly) gone and I dont need any support anymore! She has sent me 2 texts to say “hope you’re all right” very hurtful especially as Ive just found out she even has free miniutes on her mobile! I know shes busy working but all the same - I think sometimes is it me? Do I expect it ALL to be ME me ME? I do feel very unlucky what with Diabetis, Hypertension, Angina, High Cholestrol now BC I am only 58 my mother died at 55 with a massive heart attack I wonder how long I have, very scary. I had my MX 1st August so I feel this all very raw yet. My youngest daughter said when ever she spks to me I always bring up the Cancer!! But it does rule your life, especially when you are still having treatment !!!
I very glad for all the lovely ladies on this site - You all keep me going. Thank you
Crikey, Loopy Les, tell your daughter if she asked about your cancer progress first, you might be able to move on to talk of other things!!!
What does she expect to be at the front, back and centre of your mind just now apart from cancer?
I do remember a friend with ovarian cancer many years ago insisting that the conversation progresed to other things, and preferably ended with something funny, but they have to know how you are before you can chat normally.
Sheesh, indignant for you!
I think what so many of these messages show is that, unless you have been there too, you are not going to understand what it is like. It was the same when I was widowed- people flocked round when I was first bereaved but a few months later the messages and visitors all stopped. People were tired of my grief. So it is with our cancers. But, like bereavement, you wouldnt wish it on your friends or family, to know what it feels like. In fact you wouldnt wish it on anyone. So we have to draw strength and comfort from each other.
Sending hugs to Stargazer and anyone else who is feeling low at the moment.
Sue
Thank you for the comments lovely ladies.
A friend dropped by last night with some flowers and it really made my day. I told her I had felt a bit low and down last week, and she said “I was thinking about you all day, but didnt want to intrude, and was worried you might want to be left alone, and not want to bothered by people”
I am feeling ok about things now, and yes there have been some friends who have shown there true colours in not a great way, but there have been others who have been wonderful.
xx
i have had wonderful support-some people who i didn’t expect to care came up trumps-and some who i thought would- have not bothered !! one friend said she didn’t want to ring in case i was having a sleep-it’s been going on for 4 months lol.one of my brothers ask my sister how i am (they work together)-but neither he or his wife who i’ve known for 35 years have rang or visited or even sent a flippin card !!! they only live 10 mins away.i know when i do see them she will be full of angst (this is her normal pattern with any family thing-always "oh i feel awful i haven’t been in touch " and we all go out of our way to make her feel better )-my first reaction would always be to reassure her that it’s okay-but i’m now planning what i’ll say ha ha-i know that they do care-they just can’t be arsed.when i do see her i know i will say it’s ok-life’s too short and all that-BUT I DO FEEL BETTER GETTING THAT OFF MY CHEST LOL.