I have just had my period and can put a lot of my feelings down to PMT and so on. Normally it passes once my period begins but this time it isnt. I have been getting upset at anything and everything. Either that or people are being thoughtless and brutal. I dont know. I havent been happy with the treatment i have had at Radio, i have felt insulted by a nurse today at my surgical app, i have found myself getting offended easily by comments some others have made.
I dont know if i am mis-interpreting everything in my life right now or if people are being insensitive. I am not impressed with my treatment and despite being a bubbly outgoing person by nature i am now questioning is it me thats got the prob??? I wouldnt bore you with details of all thats gone on but i honestly dont feel its me being unreasonable when i think about it. I just feel very low in general just now. Just tired of the whole bloody thing. Its just pissing me off now cos i still feel like me and this isnt letting me be myself.
I’ve been feeling very low and tearful this week too. I don’t know if it’s the drugs, or just facing reality - I’m Stage 4 so the future is very uncertain. I haven’t had the feeling that anyone has treated me badly - it’s more not knowing how to be around people any more. I think the loneliness is just sinking in - I feel everyone just wants to hear I’m doing fine and everything will be OK, so I go along with it, but find it exhausting - and just break down in private afterwards. I am wondering if it will be possible to have any sort of normal life again.
I feel the same. I have been feeling like crap this week. I really feel as though my personality has changed in the last few days. I’m snapping easy at things and I feel that when people ask how i am they really want me to say okay so the conversation about “cancer” can be ended. I really want to say well actually I feel like crap, I’m tired, dizzy, have a permanent hangover feeling and cry alot - but I refrain… I sometimes think its just me being paranoid but I’ve never been like this in the past. I hope its the chemo se’s but I’m not sure!!
ladies its something in the air, ive had a crap week as well, just about everything and everybody has upset me in one way or another, i was lucky to escape chemo but finished 15 x rads 2 weeks ago and am taking letrozole and amatriptayne(for sleep and joint pain)i too wonder will i ever feel like me again?
sue
Thank god its not just me i also feel as tho i have changed personality. I am so snappy and angry and intolerant. Its not nice and i hate myself for being like this but it must just be a phase i am going thru. I hope you girls are ok and get thru this and thank you for making me feel more normal.
I don’t think this miserable, grey winter is helping. We need a dose of sunshine to help lift our mood. Have any of you got S.A.D. lamps? I have started using ours for the past couple of days, as I was feeling so miserable, too. It’s not surprising we feel as we do but a small thing like a sunny day, or a good night’s sleep (I wish) can make a huge difference.
Its so true about the ‘cancer’ question, i want to say this is totally crap, i feel tired, grumpy, pissed off etc etc but i can see in peoples manner that they dont want to hear that. I’m so grateful for this site where total honesty is ok.
Thanks girls xxxx
You are so right, I have recently gone back to work and everyone keeps telling me how well I look! Well I may ‘look’ well but I can only walk a short distance I am so tired. I know I will get fitter but I feel I always have to say ‘I’m fine.’
I can’t remember where I bought the lamp as it was a few years ago but it is called a Litebook Elite and you can buy it direct from the manufacturer in Canada, or many places in the UK online. They are expensive and I know there are many other light boxes/lamps available. I bought this one as it is compact and portable and I wanted it for my son at uni at the time. Try and find a supplier who will sell it to you VAT exempt as it is a medical item. They usually say on their website.
Hi Ladies can I join you? It definately helps knowing you’re not alone doesn’t it?
I’ve had those out of sorts days quite a lot lately, think it’s probably linked to the Tamox but realise I have been through a lot over the last 7 months. However, today I’m feeling a bit brighter and I’m wondering if it’s the Manuka honey that I’ve started to take??? My friend gave me some and I’ve had just 1 or 2 teaspoons each day for a week, possibly I’m getting used to the Tamox but I think I’m going to continue with the honey. I’m also going to try the light theory as I felt a lot better on our last sunny day… Just wish everything was free as am definately needing to earn some more money now!
My work ring me every 2 weeks to see how i’m doing,…which in its self is nice, but i feel this enormous pressure to be chirpy and cheerful,which i do very well but the reality is something quite different.I think most people who have no experience of cancer are clueless when it comes to the reality of bc and the effect it has on a persons life.Sorry just feeling fed up though i’d have a moan.Lesleyxx
I know exactly how you feel. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in having a good moan. At the end of the day its one of the privileges that comes with bc. My employer doesn’t ring but the odd time I ring them regards sick notes etc they ask how I am and always stress to me that I’ll be fine because I’m “strong”. It frustrates me. I totally agree that unless your in the position of dealing with cancer, people can’t possibly know or begin to understand. They probably mean well but don’t understand.
The favourite phrase I hear repeatedly is “just keep looking forward to the end of your chemo and then you can put all this nasty nightmare behind you”. Arrrhhhhhhhh. It doesn’t quite work like that.
Sorry I’m moaning too … its good to come on this site and not be judged. We all understand what each of us are going through.
Glad your feeling brighter. I’ve tried Manuka Honey. It is lovely and supposed to be the best you can get. I drink alot of green tea with it, very nice. I’m trying to eat as healthy as I can but since starting the chemo was taste buds have taken on a life of their own.
I had cauliflower cheese for tea and thoroughly enjoyed it. Mind you I’m watching the Brits tonight and will end up eating the Milk Tray chocs I got for Valentines Day. What the hell, why not??
Hello
hope its OK to join in
the work thing drives me mad, and last week I actually let one of the people I manage know that I was feeling really very down (started tamox so having mood swings and had to come off my anti-depressants very quickly after 7 years all at the same time - I was going round the bend!) and I got this ‘pull yourself together, lady’ type email back. She could probably hear me swearing 30 miles away when I opened it! I am always so positive and supportive,but it really surprised me how she reacted, wasn’t very subtle! Wait til I tell them I’m not going back…
great news is I started a different AD today
keep ranting - I’m sure its good for us
monica xx
Hi there - just wanted to add my support - what is it with people who feel they have the right to tell us to ‘move on’ etc. most of them have no experience of first hand cancer so are seriously under qualified to offer advice. Anyway we don’t want advice we just want someone to listen and nod!! When people ask how we are they really don’t want to know - what they want is to hear the old ‘I’m doing fine’ script. I’ve just finishd rads and coming to terms with Tamoxafen have just been asked when i’m 'going back to work’as though the cancer treatment is all finished. Bless !ignorance must be bliss … won’t consider going back for a month at least …if then . Good luck girls - we’ll be alot better in the spring.
I think this thread is great for letting off steam. What an insensitive comment to make. God it really angers me. I too get told I’m strong and positive. I think aswell because I don’t moan and just get on with things, they can’t handle the fact that now I’m feeling down at times. It makes them feel awkward. Well I’m sorry about that but I don’t exactly want to be in the position I’m in but unfortunately fate had mapped out a different plan for me like everyone else on here. Don’t get me wrong before I was dx I have always been strong and look at the glass being half full but I don’t care who you are, when bc comes on the scene it does affect us. We would be robots otherwise!!! I’m due to start Tamoxifen once chemo finishes and I’ve read that the se’s can be quite horrible so work are gonna have to deal with it. Tough!!!