Hi all and hope you are all as well as can be expected.
Feeling a bit down at the mo so thought some of you lovely ladies could lift my spirits a tad.
I finshed treatment last August and am now one year post dx Grade 3 Invasive Ductal Carcimona, lymph nodes clear. I had the usual, op, chemo (FEC x 6) radiotherapy x 16 +3 boosters etc etc and I am 29 years old.
I saw onc last week a brought up the fact that was a bit worried about my clavicle (opposite side to bc) and that it felt very limpy and different from the other side. He had a good feel and said it was probably benign and that we should get an ultra sound done. I am now awaiting for that appointment to come through probably within the next two weeks. I also mentioned I had been getting bad tummy ache, again he had a good feel, focused on one point and said we should do a CT scan and mentioned my uterus. (my mum had a very rare form of unterine cancer 4 years ago and breast cancer exactly the same time as me last year) so now obviously I am thinking mets to my uterus. The CT is planned for the 19th Feb.
I’m getting married in 7 weeks and can’t really seem to focus on that at the moment. I can’t get the fact out of my head that i’m going to have mets, have to have an op, they’ll tell me I have to cancel my wedding and honeymoon (2 weeks in the Maldives) to start treatment asap and inevitably they’ll give me a prognosis that nobody really wants to be told.
So many things are going through my head. I’ve gone off food, I can’t sleep and i’m on edge all the time.
The next few weeks should be the happiest days of my life but cancer seems to be getting the better of me, both physically and emotionally.
I’m still in the middle of treatment for primary BC. Dx G3, 1of 8 nodes infected, 3fec then 3tax. I turned 30 in Oct.
You are perfectly entitled to worry about mets. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it myself. You are also right - the next few weeks should be exciting and happy for you. It may be be that you are just feeling nervous about everything and that’s fine. Do your best to enjoy yourself, worrying won’t change things, it will only p*ss you off.
good luck for your wedding, have a great day and honeymoon, let us know how things go…
I am sorry to read that you are going through such a worrying time and just wanted to say that you may find it helpful to talk things through with one of our helpliners, they can offer you support and a ‘listening ear’. The number is 0808 800 6000 and it’s open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
Dear Mandy. Just wanted to write to say how sorry I am that you are having to go through all this worry and uncertainty at a time in your life that, as you say is certainly one of the happiest in your life, but also stressful enough without everything you are having to contend with. Unfortunately nothing anyone can say to you right now is going to stop you worrying, and as you know you have no choice but to go through the investigations and take everything day by day. I can imagine that there must be enormous pressure on you just now to be being “bride like” and full of fun and excitement, but I do hope that as well as your fiancee and family you have some really good friends that you can just be you with and actually put your fears into words and be heard. Whatever the outcome, which you can’t control, these remain precious and special weeks and the memories of how the time is leading up to your wedding will be with you always. Can you try to do some special things now during which you think “I can’t change what’s going to happen in the future, but I’m going to make sure this is a wonderful memory”, just individual “time out” like a romantic meal, a walk with friends, time being pampered. It would be unrealistic to think that the shadow of your fear can disappear at the moment, but perhaps you can “treat” yourself to some special times when you just revel in the pleasure of the here and now, enjoy the experience of being young and in love and refuse, just for a few hours, to even consider the “what if’s”. We just can’t control the future Mandy, but you could drive yourself mad worrying about it. Take today, and make it wonderful. In your situation, I think that is the only way I could get through it. Thinking of you so much and with love and hugs. Sarah x