Feeling angry anyone?

Hi lovely people
I was so pleased to find this forum, just reading some of the threads has really helped me. How are you finding life after breast cancer? I was diagnosed age 33, just 18 months ago. I seemed to cope well up until the last 6 months when I have had feelings of overwhelming anger. I don’t know if its due to the tamoxifen or just what I have been through. Does anyone else feel the same?

Hi Survivor78,

I know just how you feel - I too was diagnosed nearly 18 months ago at the age of 32. Having gone through treatment I now find myself getting very frustrated at the smallest of things. I don’t want to be an angry person, but my temper is regularly getting the better of me at the moment. Like you, I don’t know if this is the Tamoxifen or whether it’s just way of expressing emotion, after keeping things so tightly bound up through treatment.
I wish you the best in your onward journey and hope you manage to find some inner peace and calm.
K xx

Hi survivor78 and welcome to the BCC forums
Along with the support here you may find our ‘Moving forward’ support ideas and information helpful , here’s the link:

breastcancercare.org.uk/moving-forward

Please also feel free to call our helpline for further practical and emotional support on 0808 800 6000, lines open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2

Take care
Lucy BCC

Hi Survivor78,

It’s good to talk to someone of the same age. I think the whole anger thing definitely has a lot to do with our age! I too have not yet had children - I got married at the end of 2011 and was then diagnosed in September 2012 - not exactly the greatest of starts to married life!
I get angry about all manner of crazy things - from people throwing litter on the street, to driving badly etc - I think that is just a release valve for me to let off steam though… I think I’m angry at having my life tipped upside down by cancer at 32! All of my friends are now having/had children - of course I’m happy for them, but I can’t help feel I am missing out. I got a puppy when I finished treatment - he’s now my baby and I take him everywhere with me - another thing that causes conflict! Some of my friends are not dog people and make it very clear he’s not welcome - another thing that makes me cross! So they can bring their kids to my house and turn it upside down, but I can’t take my dog (who makes no mess at all) to their house.
I’m back at work full time now and am trying to move on with my life as best I can - a mastectomy with no reconstruction though is a daily reminder of my situation! Plus the constant worry of recurrence - I don’t know about you, but every ache and pain is a worry.

I haven’t heard of the Lavender Trust, something I’ll have to look into. As for Tamoxifen side effects - I get really achey feet and hands, especially in the morning. I hobble out of bed like an 80 year old! Plus weight gain - I put on nearly 3 stone during treatment and have only managed to lose a stone of it so far.

I don’t know about you, but I think it really impacts on your self confidence - plus now having short hair and only one boob! I feel guilty though for thinking those things as at least I’m still here and looks ultimately don’t matter!
Sorry, I’ve really waffled on! Is great to talk to someone the same age who gets it!

What are your side effects from Tamoxifen?

K xx

Hi Lizalou and LEJ81,

Thanks both so much for your posts! LEJ81 - we just crossed messages on your other post - I replied to a thread you started without having seen your post on here.

Is so nice to hear from people of a similar age who understand the devastating impact a cancer diagnosis has. Of course it’s devastating at any age, but being younger seems to add a whole other dimension. That’s obviously not to take anything away from older women going through this - it’s bloody awful no matter his old you are!

Congratulations Lizalou on the birth of your little boy! What a fantastic thing to come out of all of this - and a new partner!

Reconstruction has been discussed and I have seen a plastic surgeon - I only have one option though that is the Diep Flap - a huge op that terrifies the life out of me! The PS has left it with me for 3 months before I meet with him again to decide if I want to go on the waiting list. Just another thing to worry/stress about!

As I asked you on the other thread LEJ81, where is the younger women’s forum that you are attending? I’ve looked at them a number of times but have not yet had the guts to sign up.

Thank you both once again for your posts - is great to talk to people who understand.

K xx

Hi LEJ81,

Oh boo, shame you live so far away, would’ve been good to be able to attend the forum together. Hope you enjoy it though and that you meet lots of like minded people.

Good luck with your job search too - I think post cancer changes our priorities and makes us see there is so much more to life than work. I have within the last 3 weeks just returned to full time work - I had gradually been building up from 2 to 3 to 4 and eventually now 5 days a week. I’m more tired than I thought I would be - and now that targets/deadlines have been reinstated I’m finding I’m more stressed. Something to keep an eye on.

As for the reconstruction - I’m attending an awareness evening on 4th march to chat to women who have had the operation - hopefully will answer any questions I have. Plus will be nice to meet with women who have been through it.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the forum - let us know how it goes. Keep in touch.

K xx

Hi Survivor78 and LEJ81,

As I’ve said before, so nice to talk to you both and to find people in the same boat who understand where I’m coming from and how I’m feeling.

LEJ81 - fantastic news about the part time work - should give you some much needed time and space to work out what you want to do and to strike a better work life balance. Good for you!! Thanks for your encouragement with the reconstruction, I really appreciate it. Is a long road ahead, but am hopefully taking steps to enable me to regain some confidence.

Survivor78 - I’m in billericay - not far at all from Leigh! In fact I’m in Leigh tomorrow for a friend’s birthday lunch - small world! :slight_smile: I’d definitely be up for going to some of these events with you - like you say, think it is much less daunting when you go with someone.

It’s a shame you’re not closer LEJ81, would’ve been really nice for her three of us to meet up. Like I said ladies, it’s really nice to have met you on here and I have really enjoyed chatting to you this week. Let’s definitely stay in touch - stronger together!

K xx

Hi Ladies,

 

I just wanted to say your stories ring a lot of truths with me. 

The angry and frustration and weight gain and follow-up care and work situations!!!

I am nearly 2 years post diagnosis and I’m still mentally recovering and I think I always will be.

I’m also going to the younger womens residential in Edinburgh and I’m so looking forward to it.

Has anyone else found themselves more tearful, like at TV and silly stuff?

 

Marion

Hi Marion,

Yes! I find myself getting really emotional at silly things like Eastenders - and as for Call the Midwife, well I can’t get through a single episode without blubbing?!? Is not like me at all - again, think it’s just an avenue for tension/stress/anger to leave my body.

That’s so good that you’re going to the Edinburgh forum! LEJ81 has signed up too - you should go together! Not that I’m telling you what to do, just know I feel much happier about signing up now I’ve been chatting to survivor78. Let us know how it goes ladies!

Take care,

K xx

Worrying that my anger has got the better of me again - posted earlier on a new thread with a woman asking about NHS funded IVF prior to chemo - when she already has 2 children?! She said she wanted another child and wasn’t ready to rule it out. I just don’t get this and tried very much to reply in a diplomatic way. Am I wrong for being angry about this? I really hate feeling critical of others in this situation and am not sure it’s helpful of me to resent those that already have children and don’t know how lucky they are.

K xx

Well she replied back saying she’d been referred to the fertility clinic. I clearly was too diplomatic in my response as she didn’t seem to get what I was saying. Like I said, she’s been diagnosed with cancer (which we all know is totally **bleep**) so I don’t want to come across as too critical. I just am amazed at how some people don’t see how insensitive what they write on here is - what I’d give for 1 child, let alone 2!

I find it hard not to get cross with people I see out and about, pushing prams, walking their kids to school etc - I’m sure everyone has their own issues, but I can’t help but think they have no idea how lucky they are. Especially the ones with **bleep**s hanging out their mouths!! I’ve never smoked and I’m pretty much t-total these days - yet they have their normal lives, with babies and 2 boobs and long hair… God I sound pathetic don’t I. I need to calm down - it’s only Monday for heavens sake!! Sorry for rant girls…

K xx

Not sure why the slang for cigarettes would be “bleeped” out - I’ve clearly not passed the swearing test this evening!