feeling crushed please help me see a positive

Hi everyone,

I had the call two days ago to tell me I have grade 2 lobular cancer in my breast and in at least one lymph node. As you all probably know they don’t know how many until surgery. I am in pieces. 13 years ago I had DCIS and had a mastectomy plus reconstruction. I have had yearly scans but this hasn’t been picked up on any. I noticed changes and went to the gp. Apparently because of my dense breast tissue they couldn’t see it. I am angry. How and why didn’t they ultrasound me yearly, how have I got to grade 2? What are they going to find next!? I know I sound defeatist but I just believe that I’m only going to hear worse news. I already feel that they know more they aren’t telling me. I’ve already decided to have another mastectomy. To me it’s a no brainer.

I have a 16 year old and a 13 year old. They have been away this weekend with their dad (we are divorced and I am a single mum). I have to tell them and watch the bottom fall out of their world. I have no answers and no control. What do I say when they ask am i going to die? Am I going to die? Something’s out to get me.

sorry for this but I feel I have no control and there is a huge weight crushing my chest and I can’t breathe. When will it go away?

Helen

Hi helsfairy,

I too was diagnosed with invasive aside lobular cancer back in November 2013. I was also being monitored by having mammograms every year due to family history of BC and it failed to pick up my cancer till it was grade 2 and 37mm. Most of us lobulars will be grade 2 because the cancer doesn’t always show up on mammogram screening and it doesn’t always present as a lump, more of a hardening of breast tissue. Due to this, our cancers are often larger than ductal cancers. It’s an awful shock to find out that you have cancer when you think that you’re in the clear due to being monitored, but the main thing is that it’s been found and can now be treated. Do you have a treatment plan in place yet? Are you having surgery first? I know of 3 other ladies who have all had lobular cancer (one of whom had node involvement) and all are doing very well, so please don’t think that because you’ve been diagnosed with this form of cancer that you’re more at risk from it spreading.
Have you considered phoning the helpline to see if they can advise you on how to talk to your children? They can put you in contact with someone who has been in a similar situation who will be able to tell you of their experiences and will probably be able to give you a few pointers. I have phoned the helpline at various times and have always put the phone down in a much more positive frame of mind than when I picked it up. I’m sure that other ladies on this site who have been in a similar position will also be along to help you through this incredibly tough time. Please feel free to PM me if you feel you want to ask any questions. Just to let you know, my treatment was WLE x2 (to get clear margins), chemotherapy followed by 18 sessions of rads plus 3 booster sessions. Take care and sending big hugs. Ann x

Helen

Can you speak to a good friend or family member to support you?  Maybe you can wait until you get more details of when surgery will take place etc before you tell your children,  then you should have some answers to your questions as well as their

not sure if macmillan website has a 24 hours help line but you need to talk to someone x

my heart goes out to you Helen,  I don’t know what else to say x

message me if you want to talk more and I am on a thread in surgery called surgery and living alone, all “single” 

hugs

sheena xx

Thankyou everyone for your lovely words. Just waiting for the children to come home now. Feeling a little better for ten minutes before it hits again! Xx

Hi Helen,

             I hope things are turning round for you in a positive way now and you have been able to tell your children,they may surprise you with their reaction.

In June, I too was diagnosed with grade 2 lobular cancer, it was 36mm and I felt the lump 12 days after a routine mammogram scan which subsequently came back clear!!

after a biopsy confirmed it was cancer the doctor said this type doesn’t always show up on a mammogram and I remember sitting there thinking, so what the hell is the use of them then.

i went in for a WLE and SNB on 13th July and yesterday was told although my lymph nodes were clear the margins weren’t and now I am back In next Tuesday 4th for a mastectomy followed by I dont know what yet!!

I am managing to stay pretty positive but it can be difficult, we are all different and you have been here before, use the forum to vent and don’t feel bad about how you feel, it’s normal, just go with it, feel how you need to and don’t apologise to anyone for it, they’re not walking In your shoes. Stay strong

Janet X

Hi Janet,

 

went through roughly the same as you back in November 2013. Had to have a second WLE due to margins not being clear, but after having the second op, there was no more cancer to be found, so they had actually got it all the first time round. Hope the same goes for you!! 

 

Take care Ann x x