Feeling emotional

Feeling emotional

Feeling emotional Finished the surgery, chemo, rads routine a couple of months ago and now on tamoxifen. I think I coped pretty well through the main treatments and felt positive most of the time (am lucky in having a good prognosis). But now I seem to be feeling very emotional about things that normally I think I would have taken a bit more in my stride. I also find I’m feeling very angry and upset about a couple of issues and can’t seem to let go of some very powerful feelings.
Has anyone else been through this, is it just the result of everything we’ve been through, what things have helped anyone cope?

Anne

Hi Anne, I can understand how you’re feeling as I have been having mood swings as well. I am nearing the end of my treatment and apart from having one node positive my diagnosis is pretty similar. I’ve been taking Tamoxifen for 8 weeks and so far the side effects have been minimal but I am feeling very angry about issues, personal , national and international. And I find I’m readily voicing my opinion. So that for instance I started remonstrating with a man who was smoking in close proximity to me in the grounds of my hospital.
I think this is a reaction to all the pent up fears and trials that I have been through in the past few months. For me it has been a time when I have had to summon a huge amount of internal strength and patience and I think now I am releasing it. Hope that helps knowing you’re not alone in this.
Frances

emotional Hi Anne,
I too felt very emotional when my treatment ended,but 2 months on im feeling a whole lot better.
I think you sudenly get plunged into no mans land,where you have no hospital visits and the worry whether your treatment has worked.
I had grade 3 aggresive ductal carcinoma,i had 6xFEC chemo followed by a wide local ex with lymph node clearence and 5 weeks of rads,i now take tamoxifen,and i have just had my 12 months check up,scans and blood test and im all clear but i needed to be told this to get my head sorted out emotionaly,im now looking forward to going back to work and enjoying getting fit and loseing the wheight i put on and trying out new hair styles,things will get better,you have been through a very emotional and tireing experience,luv Bluebell.

It’s ok Hi Anne
It’s ok to feel emotional. I went through a bad patch after treatment and managed to get some counselling. It really helped because in a safe environment I was able to say exactly what I wanted without fear of hurting anyone. I protected my family from how I was feeling. (I don’t do that now!) Somewhere on this site is the transcript of a talk given by a psychologist and it’s called ‘after the treatment finishes - what next?’ I printed it off and showed all my family as it echoed so much of what I was feeling. If you can find it, it may help. The human body is remarkable in how it recovers from physical trauma. The emotional recovery takes much longer. There is no time limit - everyone recovers at their own rate. There will be days when you will just sit and cry and not do anything. Let them happen - it’s all part of the process. I kept revisiting everything I’d gone through.
I’m 21mths since dx and last month wasn’t good. I let the tears come. I told hubby how I was feeling and am much better now.
Take care
fantan

Hi Anne,
totally normal how you are feeling. I finished my rads in January of this year after having been through chemo and surgery also. I can honestly say it is only in the past few months or so I have started to feel “back to my old self” (well as near to it as I can remember) Our bodies have been through so much with treatments and then there is the physcological effects, it is no wonder it takes us a while to adjust !!!
You asked about coping strategies, well for me also it is regular counselling sessions which are certainly beneficial, its good to talk ! Another factor TIME !!! It does take time to get back to some sort of normal so please dont try and push yourself, you are still in very early days after all your treatments and as has been been said totally normal how you are feeling.
take care of yourself
Lorri

Reassured Many thanks for your replies. Although I sort of knew the way I was feeling was not uncommon, it’s still really helpful to hear your specific experiences, and that others are having similar feelings.
I’m going to the Haven in Fulham this week and have a counselling session booked which I’m hoping will help a bit. In the meantime I should probably advise those close to me to tread very carefully!

My very best wishes to you,

Anne

Hi Anne I went through the same thing - I am normally a very strong prson - but lost it about a month after my chemo finished. When I saw a doctor I was told it was normal -not for me I was a very strong character - but lost all sense of ME. I was feeling sorry for myself - quite rightly I think - but now feel stronger. Its taken a lomg time - but I NOW SEE ALIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. Time is a great healer - I just pray like most of us this is the last time I need to face cancer!!

God bless

Lynne
XX

snap i’ve been for my review appointment after mastectomy and recon and they don’t want me back for a year. general agreement that the treatment has gone really well, good cosmetic result, no chemo or rads required, off you go. so i guess it’s not surprising that i feel a bit flat…they gave me a copy of that paper someone mentioned and it all rings true. i had some extremely negative experiences at work before i went off sick, and i seem to be stuck in how angry i still feel about it all…even though my GP has given me loads more time off and i’m under no presure to go back. rather than be angry about the cancer…because after all i was very lucky that it was caught early etc etc…i’m stuck in resentment , it was very damaging to my self-esteem and part of me secretly believes that the stress i went through “caused” the cancer, which i think is common to a lot of people even though there’s no evidence for it. i guess it’s normal to be tired and weepy and not terribly rational at this stage, and i just have to be patient with myself and not expect too much…

Sounds so familiar Lynne - your phrase “lost all sense of me” is I think a very good way of putting it and is how I’m feeling at times. Glad to hear that time is making things better for you.
Catkin - just like you I’ve had some very negative experiences with my employer and am finding it very difficult to deal with the anger and resentment related to that. I saw a wonderful lady at the Haven Breast Care Centre in Fulham yesterday. She suggested I write letters that I don’t send to people I’m angry with letting rip with everything I’m cross with them about. Worth a try I think.

I know people often say this on this site, but it is so true that only those of us that have been through this really understand. It’s so reassuring to hear of others’ similar feelings.

Anne
xx

emotional I, too, have days when I react emotionally, if not publicly, to a remark or a perceived action. This often happens at work so I have found that writing down how I feel at the time helps me express myself without risking getting myself into trouble or ‘making an exhibition of myself’ in public. I can saved this text (show a date created) into a personal folder and print it off, too, if that helps, so that I can read it again at home in an attempt to see the problem in a different setting. If I feel angry or upset at the action of others I write this down as well because I am not able to think on my feet about what to say in response at the time and writing my thoughts down helps. I go home and cry or shout so that I cannot be criticised by my boss or colleagues for inappropriate behaviiour.

Having said that, I sometimes have a weepy day at home, for no apparent reason, even though it is 4 years since I was diagnosed and am just on Arimidex.

This website, re-discovered lately, has helped me see some of my fears are not exclusive to me and that the fantastic support I have received here helps me to keep my problems in some sort of perspective. There is no logic, often, to what upsets us but it is of some comfort to know that we are not alone and not necessarily insane!

Keep cool.

Luv. Mary