Feeling grouchy!

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Hi ladies… hope youre all ok today. Ive just come back from clinic apot with Onc (or rather a lovely lady doc  as my onc on hols) and feeling in such a bad mood andvtearful and dont know why! Could be a series if events today but these things wouldn’t normally upset me.

I decided to go on my own for the 1st time as I thought it was just a case of bloods, seeing onc for the ok and picking up more Capecetabine. 

My appt was 9 so was there at 8.40 and had bloods at 9.15. Got called in to onc at 10.15 and as I had mentioned to my bc nurse that my breathlessness seems to be a big worse this last week she examined my chest, did bp and sats and temp. Also checked my kegs for swelling. She said she couldn’t hear any air going into base of right lung (where 1 met

 is) and said she wanted an xray done. So went straight there and had it done within 2 mins then went back in to Onc ,

She said there was a small amount of fluid at base of lung but not enough to try and disperse and said to keep an eye on it. 

I asked could she see if the tumours had shrunk at all but she told me she didnt have the previous xray to compare it with ad this was done at a hosp under a different health board. She just said “let’s see what the ct scan shows in 2 weeks”.

 

I asked about markers and she said they started at 83 then went to 71 then 81.  I asked why they’ve gone back up but she said they do fluctuate and wasn’t worried.

I asked how long she would expect me to be on Cape and she said probably around a year, …why a year?? Why didnt she say indefinitely?

I then had to wait a further hour at the pharmacy for my tablets by which time I was starving. I dont know why bug I felt really tearful on way home, I had to stop and do mh big shop on way home too, and by the time I got home for some reason I was feeling really angry and I’ve thrown my bags of shopping on the worktop and its still there! 

I just made myself a cup of tea and lay down on the sofa. 

All I can think about is my dad who we lost 2 yrs ago with prostate cancer which had spread to his bones …and 6 weeks before he died they found fluid and cancer cells around his lungs.

So sorry for this long rant ladies…I know you’re all feeling despair at times, it’s not just me.

sending you all love…Bev xxxxx

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So sorry you’re feeling like this today Bev but don’t be hard on yourself that’s one heck of a day! And on top of that loosing your dad under those circumstances it’s bound to get to you. If it’s any help my GP said that unless tumour markers change by the hundreds it’s not actually that significant. Hope you have some choccie biscuits in that shopping!

Love and hugs
Tracy xxx

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Thanks Tracy. …im feeling bit more worried now. Onc had asked if I had coughed up any blood and I said no not since about 6 weeks ago…and guess what? Since coming home ive just coughed a small amount up in clear saliva!!
I just give up! Im feeling things are not right?

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Thanks helen…youre so comforting. I feel I’ve had a big bear hug from you ?
I feel so tearful though about coughing up this blood
Onc said after examining me “you havent coughed up any blood though have you?” Id said no and then went and coughed some up after I got home!
No one there now to get back to. Xxx

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Thanks Nicky and Sue. Decided to take the day off work today…they totally understood. Been out walking in between showers thunder and lightning and tried to get things into perspective. It just brought a lot back about my dad yesterday. It will be his birthday next week too.
Will snap out of it again though and bounce back.
Sue…as promised the chemo nurse rung me this morning to check how I was. She was so understanding…theyre a great bunch.
Bev xxxxx

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Had a lovely phone call from BCN yesterday …she’d spoken to another Onc who specialises in lung as mine is on holiday and he has prescribed me a small dose of steroid (dexamethasone I think?) for 2 weeks so I have to go and collect it this morning. She said this will definitely ease the coughing and the breathlessness. She said it was a shame that these symptoms were getting me so down and causing me distress because I am feeling so well otherwise.
Hope I’ll see a difference over the weekend.
Has anyone else taken these to ease the symptoms associated with lung mets?
Off to my bcc meeting for sec ladies later ?
Have a lovely day ladies!
Bev xxxx

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Thanks all…lakeseslover that’s encouraging to know. I just feel relieved that I’ve got something to relieve it at last.
Have a lovely weekend girls?
Love bev xxxxxx