Hi
I posted in the section ‘have I got breast cancer’ after finding a lump in my right breast last week.
Today was D day and I had a cyst drained of yucky green stuff. My sister and I cried with relief as Mum was with dx with BC aged 46 in 1987 ( had mastectomy and is alive and kicking!)
So I should feel on top of the world!
So why don’t I?
Well, for a start the radiologist told me I have other cysts, but whilst they cause no problems I should leave them alone ( that bothers me, but I didn’t want to stay in that room a minute longer!) and I feel so guilty that I am ok when my poor brother (aged 44) was so badly let down by the same hospital, was misdiagnosed and subsequently died in Feb this year.
My poor parents - they are still grieving for my brother yet totally relieved for me.
If someone can talk some sense into me I will be so grateful!
Maxing out the credit card this afternoon helped - slightly!! Xx
Ah, Honeypot, what a mix of emotion you are going through. Its great news that your problems are cysts and nothing more sinister.
I am sure you too are still grieving for your brother, cancer doesnt care who it hurts or how much devastation it causes.
You dont need sense talking in to you! What you are going through is such a mixture, you probably dont know which way to turn. Just give it time, I guess. Be kind to yourself and try not to beat yourself up. it wouldnt help your parents if things had been worse for you, it would have just compounded their sense of grief.
Shopping always helps, at least until the bill comes in!
Big hug
Joan xx
Hello HP,
Firstly, you have nothing to feel guilty about! You have done nothing wrong!
Secondly, aren’t we supposed to be jumping up and down with glee, because it is a benign result? Why don’t we?
Because, trauma, when it hits, we cannot control. It is a traumatic experience, having a cancer scare, it changes us, it alters our world as we know it. It eats away inside of us, like a gnawing rat and we do think, because we are told “Good news, it is not cancer” and when we sit and think about it, we have still been through the quagmire with the waiting, the testing, the pain of not knowing one way or the other. Our loved ones are relieved too, then it is back to normal living.
We have something in us, be it a cyst, a benign tumour, damaged tissue, all those benign conditions that we have never heard about prior to going through what we have.
You’re also grieving for your brother, your family will be relieved, as cancer is still seen as a death sentence, it questions our longetivity and puts pressure on people to say the right thing.
This is my view, based on my own experiences, not to take away any pain from a lady who has a cancer diagnosis, or to hog the limelight, but we, with conditions, that are with us, we still worry, we still go through the trauma of the waiting room and we still come out with something that we didn’t know we had.
It’s a journey, Honeypot, one you will have to ride out and you will learn many things about your boobs, I have had so much since my surgery, more worry, more pain, more lumps and more waiting to see what will happen.
You’re not alone in feeling the way you do, I too never felt great, it is benign, I simply felt low, from surgery, more problems since that have interfered with my life.
Like when my OH had a heart attack, it took nine months of depression in him to come around from that experience, he so poorly, and thought he was a goner. Now, we have twice yearly checks, to make sure he has no more blockages, scans to undertake and I come along and chuck myself into the equation. With six month checks…
I hope that helps a little, gives you a little insight…
Sommer
Sorry, I hadn’t realised I had posted this twice.
I have responded on other thread but want to thank you for your responses on here.
Sorry to hear abou OH Sommer, hope he is well now.
We expect our bodies to start to let us down when we are so much older and it is a huge trauma when they let us down in our prime.
Anyway, off to work now! Won’t have to worry about lack of sleep tonight - I’ll be worrying about trying to stay awake!