feeling isolated - anyone out there?

Im 40, had lumpectomy in Feb, 17 mm grade 3 tumour. Had 6 chemo and 15 rads. Started Tamoxifen in august and Herceptin in September. Feel like Ive spent 9 months waiting around for one treatment or another. Everything has gone great, no bad reactions. I even started back at work full time last week. Suddenly it’s now that I am all emotional. I spend a lot of time close to tears, and I am flaming mad. I find myself looking at complete strangers in the street and wondering why they didn’t get this crappy disease instead of me - a horrible thing to think, I know. Smokers are the main target for my spite at the moment I find my self shouting at them when I’m driving.
It’s so strange because I started this so positively, I feel like I’m falling apart now that everything is supposed to be under control. Anyone out there share my madness? any advice ?

Teiamea

Sorry your feeling so crap and what you say does not surprise me a bit.

I am 39 - dx invasive ductal grade 3 her 2 neg and horm neg. Have had 5 out of 6 chemo, then surgery (dont know extent yet), then 25 rads. So while my situation is different from you - I am being fairly positive, have had a few wobbles - but I know I have a lot of anger inside at why me etc and I KNOW I am going to need to seek professiional help by the end of it to get my head round it, otherwise I dont think I will be able to move on with my life.

Is this something you have thought about? Its all normal reactions you are having please believe that - its just a matter of do you need help getting a handle on them

Sending hugs and best wishes

Fiona
x

Hi teiamea

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time at the moment, you may find Breast Cancer Care telephone support group of help. The aim of the group is to give you the opportunity to talk privately and confidentially to other people around the UK with similar experiences.
Discussions cover issues such as coping with the impact your diagnosis has on your life, relationships, returning to work, money, as well as other peoples’ expectations of you.
The groups are completely free (we pay for the phone calls) and as long as you have access to a phone and have a quiet private place from which to call, you can join us from anywhere in the UK.
For more information telephone 0808 800 6000 or email <script type=“text/javascript”>eval(unescape(‘%64%6f%63%75%6d%65%6e%74%2e%77%72%69%74%65%28%27%3c%61%20%68%72%65%66%3d%22%6d%61%69%6c%74%6f%3a%74%65%6c%65%70%68%6f%6e%65%73%75%70%70%6f%72%74%67%72%6f%75%70%73%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%22%3e%74%65%6c%65%70%68%6f%6e%65%73%75%70%70%6f%72%74%67%72%6f%75%70%73%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%3c%2f%61%3e%27%29%3b’))</script> .

Kind Regards
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hi Teiamea

I think I know what you mean. I have recently had a WLE and lymph node removal. I went out last night and saw my radiologist, who was instrumental in finding the cancer and getting it out, he went into the garden of the pub met his friend and then smoked. I could not believe it! I am still stunned. He deals with cancer every day.

Madeline

HI Teiamea

I had lumpectomy followed by full mastectomy followed by chemo in 2004 and rads in early 2005. I was off of work for a whole year due to being on the verge of redundancy. Managed to get through everything positively. Went back to work in April 2005 after all my treatments were over and promptly hit a wall of depression. I am not the sort of person who normally gets depressed but this hit me hard. I fought not to resort to anti-depressants and after a month of rest and relaxation I finally got through it. The only thing I can offer is try to pamper yourself and look forward.

Hope this is of a little help.

Joy

Hi Teiamea and everyone,
I know what you mean, I’m just coming to the end of 6 months’ chemo and going to have 3-weekly Herceptin, and Tamoxifen. I should be happy I’m at the end of chemo, at last, and everyone’s saying how good it is. I ‘ought’ to be happy, but still have 5 years’ treatment ahead of me, unless the cancer gets me first - have they thought about that? I just keep feeling really grumpy for no reason, and when I think about it i realise i feel really ANGRY!!!
Have only just identified it so don’t know how I’ll deal with it. Any ideas anyone? I’m usually so polite and compliant, people might be in for a shock!
Love to all
Jacquie

Hi Teiamea
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve got the blues. I hope it helps to hear that you’re far from alone and that in fact it’s quite normal to go through this at the end of the treatment. I’ve been there too and still teeter on the brink on a regular basis. It’s so hard, you focus on all those appointments and then, when they stop, you realise your life has changed for ever and it won’t just go back the way it was. I was so busy coping with all the side effects that i never really faced up to the BC and when I did i really crashed. Since then I’ve had lots of support from everyone here, had a good old weep on the helpline and have found myself a counsellor. I’ve needed all that and every scrap of help from friends and family to help me back on track. It can be done and I’m getting stronger every day. Keep talking and come back here and rant any time you like.
Sarah
XXX

Hi everyone, I am new to the site. I was diagnosed with grade two ductoral and tubular breast cancer last month. I have had a lumpectomy and my lymphs were clear. I am beginning my first chemo (FEC) this coming Monday. I was worrying about this until last weekend I found out my mum has Womb cancer that has speared to other parts of her body. I really cannot believe this is happening. I am beginning to think what did I do wrong in a former life!? My family have never been ill and then all this comes at once. I feel like this cannot be happening to me and feel numb. I was just coming to terms with my situation and then another bombshell. Don’t know if I can cope with it all.

Sorry for ranting but I am at a loss at the moment
This site is fantastic though, can spend hours on it
xx

Morri

So sorry you’re through such a tough time. Your story reminded me of myself really. My mum was critically ill & in intensive care when I got my BC diagnosis in 2006. She pulled through that illness eventually, but to cut a long story short she was then diagnosed with lung cancer (which had spread to the bones) in May of this year, just as I was finishing my radiotherapy, having had chemo & mastectomy. She passed away in September after a very difficult few months for the family.

I must admit we’ve often wondered what we’ve done to deserve it all. I got to the point where I was just waiting for the next bad thing to happen and, like you, thought I couldn’t cope with it all any longer. After my mum’s funeral my husband & I took a week out, we went to a really nice hotel in the sun, and enjoyed being waited on and not having to think about anything. When all this c**p you’re going through comes to an end I’d thoroughly recommend you give yourself a break if you can. It did me the world of good.

Anyway, just wanted to say my heart goes out to you. Hang on in there - keep telling yourself YOU WILL get through this. I’m beginning to think I’ve turned the corner now, so if I can do it you can!!

Take care.

Hi Morri

I am sorry to read that you are having such a hard time coping with you and your Mum’s recent diagnoses, you are very welcome to use our other forms of support as well as these forums if you feel they would help. We have live chat tonight which you may be interested in from 9-10pm and you are also welcome to contact us via the helpline for a chat with one of our team on 0808 800 6000.

For more details about these services look under the ‘Support for you’ tab at the top of this page.

Best wishes

Lucy
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care