Feeling let down
Created by: Murphy63
Created: 12 Aug 2014 21:41
Replies: 0
I go in for my WLE and SNB next Wednesday (20th). I’m also through at the hospital on the 19th to get I think it’s radium put into my nodes??? The hospital I’m having my treatment is about an hour each way drive. I have a 9 year old son who will be starting back at school on the 19th. My husband is work obsessed and I had warned him when I was diagnosed he better not moan about having to take time off for me. Well tonight it’s started!!! I won’t be home to pick up my son from school on the 19th as my appointment is 2 pm so I’ve said he’ll need to take the afternoon off. I get my op on 20 so he’ll need to take my son to school and pick him up so he’ll need another half day. On Thursday 21 and Friday 22 I think he was assuming I’d be fit and well to take our son to school and pick him up and take the dogs out!!! When I’ve said I don’t think so, he’s basically made me feel so blinking guilty. I’m absolutely livid with him for huffing and puffing because I’m asking for him to take some time off to help with our son and our dogs. Do you think I’m being unreasonable. Do you think I’d be up to it the day after my op?
Hi Murphy1963
I have put for you below links to 2 of BCC’s publications that you and your partner might find helpful to read. Please don’t hesitate to contact our helpline team if you need to talk to someone in confidence. 0808 800 6000 calls are free, lines open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2.
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/treatment-side-effects/your-operation-recovery-bcc151
Take care,
Jo, Moderator
Hi murphy1963
No I don’t think you are being unreasonable nor do I think you should even consider it the day after your op - even if you think you are ok you should rest, it’s not only the physical but also the emotional impact. I hope your husband mans up and supports you, shame on him if he doesn’t. Good luck and take your recovery at your own pace .
Hi Murphy
I’m not suprised you are feeling a little let down.
Tell him you are not having a tooth out, you are having quite a big operation and he had better grow up and support you and his family.
I had WLE and SNB in March and no you will not be able to drive or take the dogs out for about 10 days to a fortnight.
Good luck with the op and take care of yourself
Jaye x
Hi Murphy
I am sorry that you are worrying about school arrangements on top of everything else. I used to be married to someone similar, one time I attended his uncle’s funeral without him because he had a meeting that was too important to miss! This however is another league.
Just because it is day surgery does not mean it is not serious.
I hope you were not planning on getting back from the hospital on 20th by yourself? They won’t let you do that in any case, after general anasthetic they will only release you into the care of another adult.
Do you drive your son to and from school? I left it a week before I tried driving after my wle and snb and that was still quite uncomfy.
Your husband needs to accept that your are being treating for a life threatening disease and that there may be months of further treatment ahead. He should be thanking his lucky stars that the cancer has been found and that you are being treated for it, not whinging that it’s causing disruption to his life.
Mary
You should ask your surgical team when you will be able to drive. Mine said 6 weeks, and it took that long before I could change gear (mine was left side). Some hospitals give shorter periods though. Whatever they say you must stick to it as you will not be insured otherwise.
I agree, you are not at all unreasonable. You definitely won’t feel able to take your son for a few days, even if it is walking distance.
Hi Murphy, just wanted to say what others have said; you are absolutely not being unreasonable & you need plenty of time to rest afterwards. I was told I couldn’t drive for 2 weeks after my wle.
My husband hasn’t been very helpful either, he was in London on the day I had the wle & he left it to my daughter (24) to drop me off and pick me up, she worked from home so she was nearby just in case. I’m lucky that my kids are old enough to understand & be supportive, but I really needed the emotional support from my husband; his attitude has been that they’ve got rid of the DCIS so what am I worrying about! He says he’s being calm, I think he’s completely unreasonable- it would be different if it was his testicles!!! 
This forum has been such a help to me, I can’t thank everyone enough for listening & caring!
Hugs xxxx
Dear all, thank you all so much for replying to my post. It’s been a rocky and tearful couple of days but after I let my husband see your posts, he was shocked. I have played this down from day one (although I am starting to get more anxious as time is going on), and because I “seemed” ok, I don’t think he realised what was actually going to happen and the consequences/aftermath. He told his work today that he will need to take time off to look after us, which they fully understand he needs to do. He’s not a bad person, he just hadn’t a clue!!!
Roll on Wednesday, my heart has just skipped a beat thinking about it 
Lots of love xxx