Hi all. So I’m feeling like the worst mummy today as I had a shout at the girls (6&4) whilst trying to get them to school on time. I think I’m storing a bit of anger inside as I honestly could have cried with frustration. They don’t know I have bc yet as I have no answers to give yet.
I’m finding waiting soooo long for the MRI and subsequent results and plan so hard.
Generally I’m fine, but I’m really annoyed I’m having to wait. I keep reading about people getting ops two weeks after diagnosis and still here 4wks later (in two days) just getting my MRI. I will have to wait a further week for results and I just can’t plan anything!
School hols are an unknown quantity, I don’t know if I will be able to drive to go anywhere. I can’t book the girls swimming lessons in for the same reason. I’ve had to go ahead and speak to the head of school even though I don’t know what my treatment will entail as I won’t find that out until the last day of term, and I want the teachers to be informed ahead of the first day of school in September.
I don’t have the first clue about time scales. All I know is op and radiotherapy possibly chemo.
Guess I’m an organiser that can’t busy my mind with organising and after 4wks of uncertainty I’ve had enough of it now so I’m starting to feel angry. Angry and sad.
I am waiting for my surgery too diagnosed 21st June surgery 8th August (my choice as having holiday first) however the waiting is terrible and i can swing from being sweetness and light to she devil.
Do not think for one minute you are a bad mum your girls are young and in all honesty have probably gone to school and have no recollection of you being a bit grumpy and you will beat yourself up over it all day. Just come on here and vent as often as you need to.
I am finding everyone on here fab and despite the circumstances being crap have ‘online met’ some fabulous ladies who are supportive and just around to listen
I’m sorry your feeling so anxious at the moment. Its perfectly understandable and perfectly normal. I can give you a rough idea on time scales which might help.
You haven’t said what sort of BC you have or why you need an MRI, so this is based on my experience… Having gone through mammogram, ultrasounds and biopsies, I was diagnosed in May of last year. Because it was lobular, I had an MRI to check there wasn’t another area. Thankfully there wasn’t, but like you it meant waiting and the surgery wasn’t done until the end of June. This was a very anxious time, because I just wanted to get on with it. But in hindsight, its best to know they got it all. As I had good margins and no lymph node involvement, there was no more surgery. I then started chemo, 6 weeks after, because my BC was grade 3. There is a 12 week window for follow up treatment. My chemo lasted 12 weeks. 4 cycle, at 3 week intervals. This can vary hugely on you and your type of BC. One month after, I had rads. Every day, for 4 weeks. At the same time, I was put on hormone therapy. Then recovered…!! Probably from start to finish, it could be a year. I know that sounds daunting, but that is lots of time in between for recovery.
Please don’t be hard on yourself regarding the children. Once your treatment starts, you will feel better.
hi Xena,
Please dont beat yourself up, it’s ok for the kids to see they can’t always be the centre of everything, we’re all human & you have every reason to feel the way you do.
The uncertainty when waiting is horrible & being in limbo & not in control when waiting for things to happen is hard.
As ever, once dates & a plan is in place, then it feels better.
So hope this moves on quickly for you.
hugs
ann x
Xena, sending a big hug, because you need it! Worst mum? Don’t think so, just worried and anxious to get through it so you can do all the things you want to with your girls . Try to remember that even though it seems slow, the team are being thorough in getting your pathway sorted. Better that than missing something crucial. When I started out on this journey someone described it as a marathon, not a sprint . Well, I can certainly endorse that view point now. Normally a very organised , and bossy, person, I have handed over my welfare to the medical teams and my husband. It was becoming just too upsetting and frustrating second guessing people, trying to plan timelines etc etc. Maggies has been amazing in providing support and relaxation techniques to help me through this most difficult and miserable time. I sympathise with you, and hope that you find some way of managing this roller coaster of emotions we all go through. The very very best wishes. X
Thank you everyone. I’m so emotional today, waspy with other drivers on the road, no tolerance for anything really noise, whining, people in the way…it’s like I’m a different person!
I have no drive to do anything useful, consequently my failings are reminding me every time I walk in the kitchen and see the washing up on the side. Or the washing that needs ironing, or the ironed clothes that still need putting away!!!
I did receive a lovely card from my sister today though, which made me cry!
I just can’t be this person, I need to brush it off and hold it together because only family and close friends know-so unless I want to walk round explaining my red eyes and nose to everyone else, I need to suck it up. Today has been tough though. First wobble since diagnosis.
I’ve seen someone else describing this experience as like "spinning lots of plates " ,sometimes it’s impossible to keep everything going when you are under such emotional and physical stress .We’ve all been there in the early stages -meltdown at the most inconvenient times !!! I found the inability to make any plans very hard too -I was diagnosed Just over 2 years ago whilst my son was doing his A/S levels -we had lots of summer plans ,all had to go on hold,couldn’t plan beyond next few days -very hard particularly with really little ones ,but it does get better .Take all offers of help don’t be proud ,(hated that bit !!!) but now is the time to say "yes thank you that would be a great help not no " I’m fine thanks ".You can return the favour when they need you !!!
Thanks everyone. Made me feel a bit less of a loony!!!
Currently sitting waiting for my MRI, so one more week to go and will have a full diagnosis and a plan.
