Feeling low!

Feeling low!

Feeling low! It is over 4 years since my first diagnosis at 32 of Invasive DC plus extensive DCIS and following lumpectomy,mastectomy,6 rounds of FEC chemo and 2 years of Tamoxifen I felt that I really was well on the way to getting my life back.I’d managed to build up my self-employed business again from scratch as we’d moved just as I was diagnosed and things were going well.
In January I got selected for an intense training course which I unfortunately became very unwell on and had to drop out. We went on a planned holiday where I could get over it and get my energy back and we had a wonderful week only for me to find a small pea-like hard but slippery lump on my mastectomy scar on the last night! We returned to the UK worried sick only for me to have an awful tummy bug the next day! We’d returned on a weekend so I rang the hospital first thing on the Monday and managed to get to see my surgeon the next day which was excellent. He said it showed signs of being something benign rather than cancer but obviously couldnt rule it out and so I had a biopsy there and then. I got the results 2 days later last Thursday and although he said the pathology wasn’t altogether conclusive it seems to be DCIS and he feels it was probably left over from my original diagnosis and has grown. I’ll just need a small operation as a day surgery patient to remove the tiny lump and probably all being well no further treatment. The operation is next Tuesday which will be less than 3 weeks since I found the lump which is very good. I know I’ve been very lucky not to have to go through chemo again (touch wood)but it’s all been a big shock and I’m finding it harder to come to terms with than last time for some reason! My husband feels sure it’s because I’ve been overdoing it and that training course gave me extra stress and pressure that I didn’t need. I feel guilty for perhaps not being more careful with what I do and I feel scared that I just can’t escape this disease!
I’m sorry to rattle on but I don’t feel able to talk about it with people so much this time and don’t want to scare them all again.
We have had the ok to try for a much-longed for baby since last March and nothing has happened yet and then this happens on top of everything. I worry like mad for my husband as he has been saying he was so scared of me getting ill again and had been quite depressed about it at Christmas and since then we had both been more upbeat and positive and then this happens!!
I just needed to vent! I know there are so many people in a much worse position but I’m just finding it hard to be strong at the moment.

AnneS

For AnnS Dear AnnS

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It seems that the anxiety goes away and then just as you think lifes on the up you get a wake up call again from this bloody disease.I am 3 yrs past diagnosis and awaiting mri of liver and all the old fears rush back.My family try to get me to stay in/slow down but my philosophy is too live life to the full now as have realised life is prescious.Dont blame yourself-concentrate on getting thru this and then look forward to the future.thinking of you and sending hugs sharonx

Hi Taffy,
Thanks so much for your kind words. I feel a lot better today - I just lost sight of positivity for a few days. I think it’s the shock of it all just as life was going so well. However I know I’ve a lot to be thankful for and to look forward to and I’m determined to make the most of life whatever it brings.
Good luck for your mri. When is it?
I see you’re in Wales too. I’m near Newport. Where are you?
Thanks again.
Anne

another taf!! Glad you are feeling more positive today-the dark days are bloody horrible! My mri is on thursday afternoon.small world isnt it-l live in Bridgend so not far at all!
take care -let me know how your doin.love sharon x