Feeling pathetic

I had breast reduction surgery in February for invasive breast cancer followed by radiotherapy.  Initially I was told that I would need chemo but then when my pathology results came back they said it would not benefit me so I didn’t need it so radiotherapy and Tamoxifen only.  I feel like I should be feeling better than I am about everything because I got off lightly but I’m struggling with 10-14 hot flushes a day, 3-4 night sweats and generally feeling unwell.  I’m trying to work and I’m also grieving for my husband who died a year before I was diagnosed.  I have been taking antidepressants because I was already dealing with depression before my diagnosis but I’m just spending so much time in a horrible sweaty tearful mess and have no real quality of life.  Has anyone else experienced feeling like this?

I don’t have these symptoms but just wanted to wish you all the very best going forwards.  
I don’t think you need to feel it’s pathetic… with and after breast cancer everything is just as it is.   It can be a struggle.

Hopefully the sweats improve … I did read somewhere once that you can discuss these with your doctor as there are things that can help.

All the very best!

@Crooky  - I’ve just read your post and first of all want to send you a big hug. I am very sorry to hear about your husband as well as your diagnosis. As Eglis says, it really isn’t pathetic to feel as you do. On the contrary, I t isn’t surprising you feel as you do - you are dealing with a bereavement plus your own diagnosis, that is a lot to cope with.

Of course we are all here to chat and support, but have you looked into some form of counselling? Someone who can help you with your loss and diagnosis. I wonder if there is a local cancer support centre near you, perhaps Maggie’s or another one that you could visit and see what they offer? And you might want to call the lovely nurses on here too. I had some counselling after I finished my treatment and I found that very helpful.

Or you could speak to your GP again and see if he/she can refer you to someone.

In the meantime, I think it’s time for some kindness to yourself. Allow yourself time to cry and be sad, without beating yourself up for feeling that way. You are dealing with a BC diagnosis, even if you didn’t have to have chemo. One exercise my counsellor suggested was to think how I would advise a friend in the same position - as we are often much harder on ourselves than on friends/family. I also kept a “gratitude diary” for a year, trying every day to write down at least one thing I was grateful for - whether it’s the fact that the sun is shining, you got a car park space or had a nice walk. I found that an interesting exercise to do. I know there is no quick fix to sorting out the mental side of either BC or a bereavement, we all have to find our own way and access whatever help is out there.

You aren’t alone - please continue to chat on here if it helps. Everyone understands where you are coming from, you never need to explain. Evie xx

For many of us, relationships are a source of comfort, happiness and well-being. And that is exactly what a healthy relationship should be. However, this does not mean that everything goes smoothly. Every couple will face their share of difficulties and obstacles. It takes effort on both sides to get through life’s ups and downs together. Unfortunately, petty arguments can turn into heated arguments; routine can become boring. The love that brought two people together can quickly ““dry up”” if there is no one to nurture it. This is where relationship counselling comes into play. It seems to me to be the only way to avoid divorce.