Hello all,
I’m so down tonight! Don’t know if its cos steroids have stopped! Or I still feel shit! Or constipation is back or the fact that I’ve only had one EC and got 5 to go!
I’m a terrible patient! My oh is like the walking dead! My lo’s are doing well but today although I feel marginally better on day 5 I’m dreading the next one! Can’t stop crying tonight! I’m so tired and can’t sleep! I think its all getting on top of me! I knew I was scared or chemo and this has proved it to me!
Sorry for the moan I’m having a bad day
Xx
Oh Leeds, feeling sorry that you are feeling like that. Just think, although it is tough it’s temporary (ish).
If it saves your life it is worth it.
Good luck for the rest of your treatment.
Hi Fran,
Oh poor you, but remember you are not alone as most of us had/have down days, so don’t be hard on yourself. Each day that passes you’ll feel a little better. My first two chemo’s were EC and the first week I felt rubbish but 2nd and 3rd weeks were much better, I hope it’s the same for you. It can’t be easy with two little ones needing your attention. And don’t worry about moaning, as you know here is the place for sounding off as you’re amongst fellow sufferers who totally understand. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Do you think you’ll be OK for the meet up on Tues, or will you wait and see before committing yourself? The thread has been updated with arrangements. Be lovely to meet you if you are well enough.
Lots of hugs, and hope you sleep well.
Libby x
Hi libby,
Probably will have been committed before tuesday! I’m so emotional tonight just been sobbing and this is not like me! I can actually see a light. Not sure about tuesday now cos not really feeling up to driving yet! But will let you know if I can make it!
Plus worried about my immune prob will be day 8 I think but we shall see!
Thanks for getting back to me, I’m so tired but my eyes are so wide awake! Xx
Fran,
Take care, get lots of rest (if that’s possible with 2 lo’s). I do hope you sleep well as a good nights sleep definitely helps. Are you drinking lots of water, as it helps flush your system. I hope you have some effective laxatives - constipation is debilitating and enough to make anyone feel miserable.
Look after yourself, and do as your body tells you. I hope next week is better for you.
Libby xx
Leeds39,
Every single woman on this journey has had a day like that from time to time along the way. Steroids don’t help - they certainly make me feel bleak and shaky. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t afraid of chemotherapy because in the past it was such a dreadful treatment. Nowadays it’s a far more exact science, with solutions for every problem it throws up.
Like you I started off terrified at the thought of low blood counts but when mine did drop drastically, I didn’t even get sick and just had to wait a week for the next FEC. From then on they have given me Neulasta each time to boost my immune system so I don’t stress about stray germs any more.
You’ll find that the crying will get a lot out of your system and you’ll feel all the stronger afterwards - it’s like you’ve burst the bubble of fear that was rising inside you from the moment you were told what you had.
Tomorrow you can tell your OH that anything you said today was drug-induced and that with luck you will never feel so crazy again. You are going through this together and have probably been trying to protect each other from your fears and worries.
You are still the strong woman you’ve always been. Be good to yourself and do only what you feel able to do. Ask for help from anyone available. Don’t put up with any side effect without asking your nurse or helpline what can be done for it. Take charge of your care even when you don’t feel very strong.
There will be many more good days than bad ones during the weeks between treatments (I’m on number 4 now so I know this is true).
You can do this - we all are and there are no superwomen here, just wives , mothers, daughters, grannies who have found themselves where they never wanted to be and are finding a way to get themselves and others through it.
We all know how you feel and we all know it will get better for you.
Much love, Kathleen
Wise words from Kathleen, Fran. Hear what she’s saying as it’s all so true.
Hope you’re now tucked up in bed and in a deep sleep, wishing you sweet dreams.
Libby x
Fran, you don’t HAVE to be strong, you don’t HAVE to be positive. You just have to be human. (Note to self: take your own advice.)
If you want to have a meltdown, particularly on here, then you just go for it. Because we will understand.
If you have wobbles, meltdowns or just the odd teary day in real life, then that’s fine too. Chemo is NOT NICE. People have different responses to it but none of us enjoy it, and every one of us would be able to tell of our bad days.
But the bad days don’t last for the whole three weeks until the next one - not if your meds are right for you - and you’ll probably feel a lot more like a human being next week and the week after. And if they do, then tell the chemo staff and they’ll adjust your meds to help you feel a bit better.
All that aside, I want to acknowledge how crap you’ve been feeling, because it’s horrible to feel like that. I’m NOT going to tell you to pull your socks up, or that you have to be positive, or that you’re so strong, or any of the other ridiculous things we’ve all been told, because those things belittle just how crap this can make you feel. (I feel a thread being bumped. Look out for “well meaning but annoying things” and have a read, you’ll laugh, cry and be gobsmacked in equal measure.)
YOU’RE ALLOWED to have down days. Don’t feel you’ve failed when you have them, just come on here and share them, and we’ll do what we can to help the following day be not quite so rubbish. And if it is horrid too, we’ll do our best to help you through that day too.
(Please note that I’m not being magnanimous or altruistic with all of this, I’m actually talking to myself as much as to you. Just wish I could hear what I’m saying.)
Hello lovely wonderful ladies,
Just want to say thank u for your wise words! So far I’ve had two hours of broken sleep and will be praying for more! Even started thinking about my faith lately! That’s a strange one cos I’m not religious.
Anyway going to try and sleep again after constipation pain stops and tears stop flowing at least the house is quiet and the lo hasn’t woken up again.
Sleep well xx