I’ve been feeling really down the last few days. There’s no particular reason, things just seems to get on top of me sometimes. But whenever I start feeling like this I start to dwell on my situation and question how much longer I’m going to be around for. Then that just makes me feel worse. This usually last a few weeks and then I snap out of it but I’m fed up of feeling like this, I just want to get on and enjoy living instead of thinking about what could happen in the future. How do I stop feeling like this?
Dear Wendy
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Wendy
Sorry your feeling so down. I know how you feel as do many others on here. When you feel ok you feel ok but when the down times come they are just horrible. I know I am going to have to seek professional help in the end - prob once treatments is finished in order to try to move on with my life. I know life will never be the same but need to find out a way to get on with it.
Sorry I cant offer words of wisdom. Can you speak to your GP ? Have you thought of anti depressants or counselling?
Just want to say I am thinking about you and feeling for you
Hugs
Fiona
xx
Hi Wendy,
Sorry you’re feeling so down. I think you just have to go with it a bit, it’s your emotions’ way of catching up with all you’re having to contend with. I know it’s frustrating and you’re grieving for your old life back, but there’s nothing you can do but go with it. Obviously if it goes on a long time you may need help from GP/counsellor etc. Just try to enjoy a sunny day, a chat with a friend, a nice meal. Reach out to trustworthy friends anf family and they’ll respond to you and support you. Whatever you do don’t feel bad for feeling like this - it’s not your fault.
I just hope that, like grieving, the down times will gradually get smaller and shorter each time, until we can find some sort of reconciliation with our situation. Anyone out there who’s a bit further down the line and can shed any light on this?
Big hugs coming your way.
Tell us more of how you feel if you need to get it off your chest - we’re happy to listen
love Jacquie
Thanks everyone for your comments. Amazingly, I felt a bit better just for writing it down and I do feel a bit brighter this evening. It’s so easy to let things get on top of you isn’t it. I do try to keep a positive outlook on things, but sometimes (still a bit too often!) this whole experience just overwhelms me. I imagine it to be a great big heavy overcoat that I’m forced to wear and oh how I’d like to take it off even if just for one day! But even though I look and mostly feel well, the cancer is always lurking in the background. I was first diagnosed 3 years ago and was just starting to get over it all when I was diagnosed with secondaries a year ago. I’m only 32 with a 3 year old son - without cancer I’d have had another 2 children by now and I certainly wouldn’t be this tired, aching, grumpy old hag that I am now!
Hi Wendy
You poor love. But like Jacquie says everybody on here is here to listen. It has helped me. But like you I sometimes sit and think have I got 5, 7 or 10 years left and dread being told it’s come back. I have a good cry and then it goes to back of my mind til next time. It’s my way of dealing with it. I think we all have to let go sometimes.
I have been so positive and kept my sense of humour but it’s a damn horrible thing and unless youve been through it - nobody knows what we are doing through.
Much love
Liz xx
Hi Wendy,
just wanted to send good thoughts your way and hope those horrid patches get less and less…
You are further along the healing/treatment road than me. I can’t think about my daughter and her life and where I am in it all - or I get swept away or have a panic attack. overwhelmed is the right word!
I like the way you put it as a huge overcoat… and the good thing about that picture is that either overcoats come off or you get stronger… and you must already be pretty strong to have come as far as you have… what strategies did you use when the going was extra tough before? - maybe remembering them and how far you have come and how strong you are will help carry you over these present hurdles?
Can you cry in the shower and maybe let some of your grief out that way? I hope you have people around you who understand and will hold you for the times you need to let go. Theres no doubt about it - life is unfair and pretty grim at times. And when it hurts -it hurts!
So take good + gentle care of yourself, grab hold of all the tiny little good things that happen - someone suggested to me to write down 10 of them a day … now 10 seems a lot to me just now - but I’m going to try it. Maybe that’s all we can do on this journey - try this and that and see what helps:)
Hang in there and know there’s lots of us out there sending good thoughts your way,
sue x
One thing I have just started to do is to write a diary for my little boy. Because we don’t know when we’re going to die (even without this awful disease) I thought I’d get everything written down and presented in a book. I worry a lot about leaving him when he’s still a child and that he might not get to know me and this, for me, is a way of telling him all about me. It’s quite hard to write sometimes, but I always feel a bit better afterwards. I don’t write about the cancer and how that makes me feel, that’s not for him to know and I have a separate diary for that which is also a big help.
I do have people around who I can talk to, but sometimes I just don’t want to talk about it. Writing on here has certainly helped and next time I feel that way, I’ll do the same. So thanks everyone for your kindness and making me feel that little bit better!
More hugs coming your way
jacquie x
What a lovely idea Wendy, such a loving record is something all bairns would treasure .
Hang in there - step by step and take good care of yourself,
SueX