Feeling really low

Hi,
Does anyone else just start to feel really fed up and tearful for no reason? I am having a hospital free week before having a central line fitted and 1st chemo next friday and i have no motivation whatsoever. Husband keeps asking what he can do to help and cannot answer as not sure myself. Nothing is happening to bring these feelings on and not sure how to shift it!
Any advice/suggestions?
Love Mel (Guinness)

Hi Guiness
I think the simple answer to your question is yes we all do, its completely natural and normal as long as it is for a little while at a time and at other times you feel ok, not necessarily fabulous but OK and you can have a chat and a laugh and relax with your special people.

If you are finding that you are feeling low most or all of the time, tearful, cant eat much, not sleeping well [or at least as well as you can] then it may be a sign that you need to get a bit of help and chat to someone. This could be your GP, BCN or maybe a trained cancer councillor on one of the helplines. There is absolutely no shame whatsoever in this, you are going through a life changing experience and sometimes it can all get too much, that doesn’t mean you’re going ga ga, just struggling with it thats all.

I hope you can find a good way of getting through these hard times, your OH sounds like he is also struggling to know how to help you for the best and there is lots of advice out there for him too [if he’s up for it, they often aren’t unfortunately “I’m fine nothing wrong with me”, sound familiar?]

Good Luck, thinking of you
AJxxx

Hi AJxxx
Thanks for your kind thoughts and comments, maybe i am trying to be too brave with the whole situation and beating myself up about feeling low. I find myself still trying to help my family and friends deal with my situation and perhaps i am avoiding dealing with it myself. You are so right about my hubbie, that comment has almost become second nature within our conversations. I have found this forum a help, just knowing I am not on my own is such a welcoming feeling.
Once again thank you and look forward to chatting again soon
Guinness x

Hi Mel

I have just had two days of pretty non stop low and tears. Lots of things hitting in one go. Am due for mastectomy July 4th - can’t wait. Feels like you’re heading for a train crash but you have to do it otherwise you’re caput. I completely understand the no motivation bit.

However feeling much better today as I decided that I really didn’t like feeling low. So I stopped and thought of ways to make myself feel better. I talked to some friends, talked to some of the BC staff and got some good old fashioned sympathy. That really helped. Then I put a posting on here and that has also helped hugely with one of the issues I was dealing with. It got better from there - texted my husband lots to tell him I loved him. That helped, felt good. And my low feeling has definitely shifted. Realising that you feel unhappy about something is a good sign because it means that you would rather feel different and better.

I am a Life Coach and it’s always easier to help and motivate others so here goes…

Try this - Get your husband involved so you’re together and he can help you too. Get a glass of wine, cup of tea etc, each and some nibbles. Make yourself do it. Get cosy and be together. Make the room feel nice. Light some candles or put the lights down. Put on some good mood music. Grab a pad and pen. Now ask 'What can we do to shift this feeling? What can we do to make us feel different? Where can we go? Who can we see? ’ The rules are - there are no rules. You can do absolutely anything. Anything goes - absolutely anything. Completely blue sky thinking. Write down each idea no matter how crass, silly, mad or whatever. Keep on going - you can call people too to see what they can come up with if you like. Keep going until you run out of steam but write it all down. Then you can look through your list and talk about it. It can be a silly discussion or a sensible - your choice. But you will find that some of the ideas will make sense and something will come out of it that will give you the start of a plan to ditch this mood and take control again. It’ll get you talking about other things too and you will be conspiring together.

It’ll take a bit of effort but give it a go. Best of luck and remember - you can take control but you might have to take yourself out of your comfort zone. Hope this helps.

lots of love to you both - you are not alone.
Ruthus xxxx

Hi Mel
I know this may sound weird but I think you may feel better once your chemo has started. At the moment you are a bit in limbo going into the unknown really. The firsts one is daunting but once over you will have a focus to get through it and manage it . My hubby and I had more time together while going for chemo than before . We sat and chatted had tea and sandwiches for the time in the hospital and got through it together really. His time to help will come and that will be his way to support you . I’m not saying you will feel dreadful because I didnt for the majority of it but you may and you will want some TLC. I couldnt have gotten through it without my OH thats for sure. He felt so helpless in the beginning too .

I also had bouts of feeling very low , due to the steroids mainly and am in a bit of a hole now too (my treatment finished end of may)
so this is a different one I have to deal with.

love and best
cally x

I

Hi Mel,
Yeah I agree with Cally. I am starting my chemo next week and have had 5 weeks of limbo.
At first I felt really frustrated that I wasn’t seeing my onc, then when the appt came I was peeved that I had to go through all the treatment.
But now I just want to get it started.
I think it’s the fear of the unknown too,I tend to expect the worst, I am ready for the hair loss (I think) and am gearing up for feeling ill and all the other gastric side effects.
I am sure that it is not as bad as I think but I feel that if I expect the worst, anything less is a bonus.

I get very snappy with ppl, not been teary at all but I think that will come with the chemo too.
I am dealing with it how I want and to be honest apart from my mum and kids, possibly OH I am just being brutally honest.
The thing is I don’t mind talking, I think it helps me avoid actually thinking and feeling.

Cry all you want honey, scream kick and shout too if it helps.
Tomorrow is another day and another step closer to kicking this awful disease where it hurts so that you can go back to living your life to the full.

Love and hugs
Lisa
xoxo

Hi everyone,

Every heard of the saying “being kicked whilst your down”!!! Been to the docs today as back has swollen and very hard and painful (due to reconstruction). Had it drained 4 times previously and now they have told me i have an infection. More tablets to be taken and thats before the chemo!! I dont understand why i am finding this stage difficult to handle as i have been really positive from the start. As you all say perhaps the unknown is dragging me down, lets get next week on the go and see if we can improve my mood. I am however finding your help, advice and support an absolute godsend.
Thanks to you all,
Love
Guinness

Hey hunny,
We all have those days, I suppose its like always we need to take the rough with the smooth.

Chin up
Lisa
xoxo