feeling so down :(

hi all just wondered if anyone ever felt like i am feelin now. i am 38 and have had breast cancer. i had a mastectomy and reconstruction … i had chemo but unfortunately it caused me to nearly literally die twice. i have had my radiotherapy and have started my herceptin. the whole way thro i have tried to remain as positive as i can. so now that i am over the worst why do i feel so low. i have 2 small kids and a great husband and friends. but i am still suffering really bad side effects and cant drive. i havent been able to drive for almost a year now and its drivin me bonkers lol. but anyhow, this last week i have just felt so low and i know this sounds awful but feel a little resentful against everyone. i know life goes on for everyone but i feel so down , lost and seem to be exploding at the ones i care about most. this morning i almost feel like i cant even be bothered fighting it anymore… like giving up. can anyone help x

hi jo , i am so sorry you feel this way and it is so understandable, have you thought of speaking to someone about counselling so you can offload on someone uninvolved i have had 2 sessions and its good, also i have started mild antidepressents more for anxiety than being down but they too are helping, whatever you do as long as it helps you through this difficult stage thats all that counts it is so hard when everyone is carrying on with their lives and your own is so disrupted by the whole bc dx it is so draining physically and emotionally to cope all the time… good luck and hope it improves for you xxx

ps, you could always give the bcc helpline a call i believe they are really good xx

Hi Jo so sorry you are feeling like this but its understandable & im sure there are many that feel this way, I think we set our standards high for ourselves once through treatment also others expect us to just bounce back & be the same again, the side affects from treatment alone can carry on for a while.

I think what fairyqueen has said is a good idea & finding something to help you through this time can only be a benefit. Try not to beat yourself up or push yourself too much listen to your body. keep us posted & I hope you will soon be feeling more like yourself soon

Sending you a BIG hug & love
Mekala x

hi jo,

i have just finished my treatment following my second primary diagnosis in 11 years, one in each breast, chemo and rads each time,

I can really sympathise with what you are saying, I thought when I finished my treatment I would be ok and just carry on as normal,

however,

not the case at all, I have found myself thinking is this it? is this what I have been fighting for? I have felt angry, frustrated, depressed, trapped, and resentful and hateful about pretty much everything and everyone, I did finally break down and felt a sense of relief and realisation that everything was ok, for me it was a combination of everything just coming to a head and I think that some people, not everyone, needs to go through this process of being down to get back up if that makes sense,

I hope you will find a way of getting through all this c***p, dont be too hard on yourself, give yourself time, and if you feel you need to talk to someone try contacting your bcn she may be able to offer you support or maybe refer you for some counselling.

all the very best, please let us know how you get on Liz xx

I think it is very normal to feel down once the worst of the treatment is actually over. During the primary treatment we are all so busy being I’ll and going to appointments, and immediately afterwards is only when we really have time to process what has happened.

I still have rads to go - but I am feeling somewhat empty already - even after getting all positive results. I am still living in total fear of this cancer diagnosis.

And there are lots of thoughts that I have that I don’t even allow myself to think about as it just hurts too much. Mainly to do with having very young children - I will do anything and everything I can to be with them - but I find thoughts of the ‘what if’s’ still too painful to even let myself think.

Mainly I just wanted to post some big (((hugs))) to you and let you know that many of us understand. Cancer and young children is an extremely cruel combination, and I think ‘feeling better’ will take time for all of us.

Xxx

Please don’t feel that you’ve failed because you can’t be positive about all this. I truly believe that this need to be positive comes from those who AREN’T going through it, not those of us who are. You have every right not to feel positive, what’s happened to you is absolutely horrible!

That said, it sounds like you could probably do with some help to get through this particular part of feeling dreadful. Does your cancer centre have a support centre associated with it? You might find that counsellign where you can offload your concerns might help. I have also read that depression is a fairly common additional side-effect of BC, so don’t feel that you’ve let anyone down because you’re not coping terribly well with all the rubbish, but get yourself along to your GP and see if they can arrange some counselling, and perhaps discuss some chemical assistance as well. Anti-d’s aren’t an admission of failure, if anything they’re an admission that things are crap and you need a bit of help.

And keep posting on here, the forums are brilliant for getting support from people who really do understand because they’ve been there.

Hugs,

CM
x

Hi Jo

Just read your msg and hope that maybe by today you might be feeling better. So sorry that you are feeling like this but not really surprising so don’t be angry or frustrated with yourself. It is normal! I felt dreadfully down directly after my second operation and accidentally rang the helpline number at the top of the page thinking it was the IT helpline! Silly me!. Anyway the lady I spoke to was marvellous and counselled me for about 1 hour and I cannot tell you the difference it made. I just completely off loaded to her. Maybe you could try ringing - just a thought.
All the best
Love Lynn x

hiya,
Sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I feel the same most of the time but trying to show everyone around me that im coping.Im trying not to think about BC until evening, after kids go to bed.Then im getting very weak.
WE need to think that we got to win this game, we cant leave our little kids so early. please try to find something positive everyday and make yourself happy.we cant live with worrying all the time.

Manco75, putting the mask down once the kids have gone to bed isn’t weak, it’s survival. There’s only so long anyone can keep up the front and we do need to be allowed to be ourselves and acknowledge what we’re really feeling, or it all gets bottled up and then leaks out in the middle of Tesco or some other inappropriate place!

Hugs to everyone who’s feeling down and needs a hug.

CM
x

Hi - its completely normal to feel like that, with my first diagnosis two years ago at 38 I was fine until the treatment eased off and then I fell to bits for a while, picked myself up again and was really fine for nearly two years - now I am back on the BC train again I am coping really well, BUT I am prepared now for the adrenalin thats keeping me going to run out at some point and I know it will only be temporary! Take all the help you are offered, emotionally and practically - and dont be scared of taking anti depressants if you need them, you dont have to take them forever.
Oh and I used the bath as my place to fall to bits - where the kids and hubby couldn’t see me sobbing like a baby! Cant do that this time as still have icky wound after TRAM recon so have to make due with the greenhouse!!!
Ruby.x