hi all have got up with a real downer on me can i please vent from beginning… dx sept 2010,mx tnbc,node involvment, 3x fec 3 x tax skin rcurrence while on chemo, had rads sorted skin but small lumps popping up away from scar had day surgery was recurrence, more lumps popping up and in other breast starting chemo thurs as too wide spread to have rads, have felt tender in other breast for few wks thought it was cos of lying on that side due to surgery, but last week found a large thickening at side of breast ( how the hell did i miss it ) and am sure swelling under arm pit, breast feels heavy and tender, rang bcn who said surgeon is away this week so start chemo and i have scans booked anyway next tues so she said we will look at results and surgeon will be back then,…on top of this i have discomfort in stomach area am just so overwhelmed at the visciousness of this tnbc my scans 12 weeks ago were clear and now all this,sorry to drone on and on but just keep going day after day and take what this crap throws at me but just low today, really dont want to cry cos am an ugly cryer face all swollen puffy eyes red nose and my kids and family can tell a mile off and that will start me off again…thanks for listening just stuck between a massive rock and really hard place… love to you all, keep on keeping on love rachel xxx
Rachel you are in a dreadful place. I’m sending big hugs for you. Can you find a safe person to cry with - it doesn’t matter how you look altho I understand you want to shield your kids. Cryting seems a sensible response while you root about to find the strength for this.
xx
God FQ that’s really sh*t, no wonder you’re feeling awful xxx
thankyou both for posting xxx
Hi FQ. I can’t say anything practical, but wanted to send you a hug.
There’s no shame in crying and sometimes we do need to let it all go sometimes. This desperation on everyone else’s part that we “stay positive” is actually a huge burden, so put that burden down for a moment and have a bloody good cry if you feel the need, and do so without feeling guilty. If anyone gets upset at you getting upset, let them, though obviously you might need to explain to your kids (I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten how old they are, teenagers, I think?) that occasionally you DO need to let it all go, and they can feel free to have a bloomin’ good cry with you. I know it’s no real comparison but I did that with mine right at the beginning when I was in The Waiting Room, and it helped us come to a mutual understanding.
Big hugs,
CM
x
so sorry you are feeling so crap. wish i could make you feel better. you have so much empathy and advice for others. hug your kids tight, lots of love and hugs to you alex xxxx
thankyou , my kids are grown up , 24 ,20 18 and thay have seen me cry so maybe i shouls just let it out, feel little better went out for a bit and had pep talk to myself nothing quite like a pity party for one :)but thankyou all i knew you would be there xxx
let it out!!! your not going to scare em!will do you good. you have been thru crap time so why not vent now and again? gosh, i havent been thru anything like u have and still have a weepy woe is me day now and again.my kids are smallies so nice to snuggle up to when i cant sleep of a night! love alex xxx
Hi FQ - It is CR**, PANTS and PO*. It is so hard! We are in a simmilar boat and the thought of saying goodbye to my children is the very very worst nightmare. Sorry - I think I might be making you worse rather than better!! Lets try again…Remember Tina’s story -NED now. A good place to be. Lets both focus on that. Secondary diagnosos is really hard (dont need to tell you that!) and if one more person tells me to stay posotve I will floor them!!
Hugs from TN buddy!!
Sadie Xx Xx
thanks sadie i know what you mean give them a thump for me too lol xxx
Oh Rachel what a rotten time you are having-I hate ‘stay positive’ too.All you can do is keep on keeping on and cry when you need to and smile when you can.
love Vx
Hi Rachel
my heart goes out to you & wanna send you a BIG cyber hug from another TN sister & Sadie I will help you
love
Mekala X
Hi Rachel
Staying ‘positive’ on a good day is hard enough, so doing it when you feel like you do and with more things to worry about is nigh on impossible!
As the others have said - let it out and cry. I have spent most of today in tears (just an emotional wreck) and I look like an ugly version of Miss Piggy on one of her really bad days!!
Sorry I can’t take the pain and worry away - but a hug from Miss Piggy might just help
Linda
xx
thankyou for all your hugs and words of wisdom feeling better than this morning having wine to relax now love to you all xxx
I’m so so sorry you are in this awful place, but I am glad that you are managing a little bit of calm this evening.
Please can I just send you another big TN (((hug)))?? I am a TN lady as well.
And I think a cry with your children is OK - it is just being real isn’t it? I was 22 when my Dad needed a kidney transplant, and I didn’t mind at all supporting his bad days as well as his optimistic ones, I just wanted to be there for him and help any way I could. My sister was 18 and she felt similar.
Lots of love to you xxx
A big hug coming your way from another TNC lady xx
you are all so amazing dont know what i would do without you all,keep on keeping on, love rachel xxxx
Rachel,
Juat recently had WLE LNB and awaiting results to see whats next. Lump removed was 12mm, they said oh thats only small, sooner have nothing than any lump at all to be honest!
Everyone saying PMA / Stay Positive…etc etc. but then in the next sentence refer to me as Wendy and Cancer… I am no longer just Wendy.
‘Chin up’ and it is good to talk.
Thinking of you.
Wendy x
Big (((hugs))) rachel. BC is the pits and TNBC, at times, seems to be a completely different beast 
Its so frustrating that there are so few treatment options for us in this day + age!! Have you heard anything about your funding request for the carboplatin yet? I think it’s a disgrace that you are having to put up a fight for a mainstream + very cheap chemo, that may well be the best option for you.
The run up to scans is always a horrible + anxious time especially if you can feel new lumps + bumps. I won’t tell u to stay positive as it’s easier said than done. But maybe see your gp for something to ease your anxiety in the short term(eg low dose diazepam) + try + plan a few things to keep you busy over the next few days.
Thinking of you
tina xx
hi, just agreeing with what everyone else has said,
it is the pits, I have finished my treatment and feel utterly like s**t, I am ok one minute but then it all falls apart,
feel like my head is full of cotton wool and carnt think right,
you have a cry if it helps, just dont try to keep it all inside, thats what I do and after a couple of days I just explode,
I dont know about you but I am sick to the back teeth of this lot, fed up of eating, drinking, thinking and everything else CANCER,
It has taken my boob, and the other one to follow shortly, my hair, made me fat (fatter than I was to start anyway),
But I refuse to let it take anything else, and you do the same.
keep posting and fighting,
love Liz xx