Feeling Tired

Feeling Tired

Feeling Tired Hi everyone i need some advise please, i finished my radiotherapy 16 weeks ago, i managed to be really strong all through treatment, even through chemo, the nurses said i looked great, i got fantastic wig and always put on makeup and made an effort. I didnt tell anyone apart from family i had bc, all the treatment etc gave me something to think about.
Now ive finished im not coping as well, my family think im a bit pathetic as im always complaining about being tired, i dont even make an effort anymore, i dont know why i just feel ugly and fat, and i hate looking at myself, i feel ive aged in the months of treatment and look like an old lady.
I find it hard to say how i feel as everyone thinks i am so strong.
I dont know how long i can keep pretending, i have my 1st mamogram on the 28th March im looking forward to it but im also terrified, my family keep saying they cant wait then we can all get back to normal, if only.
AM I GOING MAD!!!
Lots of love
Pauline x

No your not going mad Hi Polly
No I do not think you are going mad at all. I can totally understand. I finished my radiotherapy in the middle of November and whilst I had an abscess afterwards and felt really ill, I also have been very tired. I kept thinking that I was being a whimp but have a friend who went through similar treatment a few years ago and keeps reminding me that I am not the only one who feels like this. I have started counselling as I too was very strong but things were simmering underneath. It all takes time and we have to remember that our bodies have taken a battering and need time to recover.
Your family talk about being back to normal but I do not know what mormal is anymore!
Look after yourself and accept that you are not mad or alone in feeling like you do.
Angela.

Thankyou Thankyou Angela, i have never said how i felt to anyone, i just keep plodding along, if anyone asks how i feel i just say fine, but i am falling apart inside.
I feel so alone, i never went to see any of the nurses at the hospital during treatment as i was really strong, like you i thought i can handle this, its not too bad.
Good you are getting counselling, Thankyou again for your kind words.

Take care Love Pauline x

Me too Polly
I too used to always say I am fine and also felt like I was falling apart. I really did not kow who I was anymore. I felt that I could not cope with any stress at all anymore and wanted just an easy life where I did not have to think. Occassionlly when friends rang they would realise I wasn’t myself and once my friend rang at the wrong time…or right, as I spent ages talking to her between sobbing! It is my friends that encouraged me to go for the counselling as I did not thnk that I warrented it as I was fine!
There are such a mix of emotions going around and I wonder where they come from. I could always cope with things and knew how to get support if I needed it. Yet this last year I semed to have lost a lot of my capabilities. We will get there. By reading the posts on this site I do realise that it just takes time.
Please talk to someone as its horrible to feel the way you do. I do know it is very hard to ask! I can give advice but I’m not so good at the doing.
Learn to put yourself first.
Angela x

You are right I know you are right, but i really didnt know why i was feeling like this but after reading some of the posts on this site, i do feel a bit better knowing others have gone through the same at least im not mad.
I found a great post entitled "After The Treatment Finishes - Then What ? by Doctor Peter Harvey, Consultant Clinical Psychologist. Ive printed it off, it sums up everything, have you read it ?
I will take your advise and speak to the nurse when i go for my app.
You take care Love Pauline x