Feeling very down

I have a huge sense of despair. I have enlarged notde in my neck just above my collar bone and a really weird spot on my breast - both of which my onc is worried about. I had a PET/CT scan on Friday and get results on Tuesday so I’m scared. I have two young children and can’t imagine leaving them or the pain they are going to go through. How does everyone else cope?

Geraldine

I have no idea what you must be feeling, Geraldine, but you will be scared and worried. All I can do is pray for you right now, and through the weekend. Knowing that others are thinking of you may help dispel some of the loneliness. We are all in this together, at various stages, and can sympathise with you and support you. We have fantastic expertise to help these days,and hopefully it can be dealt with.
Do you have someone you can talk to,sweetheart?
I am going to go away and pray for you right now. others will see your message and send their offers of support. What a great place this is.keep talking about it. Big cyber ((((((((((HUG)))))))))), from me.
Ann XX

Thanks Ann - my hubby is great but doesn’t want to talk about things until Tuesday - he says there is no point until we see the inc. But I guess in my heart I know what he’s going to say. I love my hubby and kids so much and feel awful for putting them through this. Thanks for the hug - makes me feel better. How do you cope?

Geraldine

Dear Geraldine

I am sorry to read that you are feeling so worried about the scan results and I am sure you will continue to receive lots of support and advice here. You may also wish to speak to one of our helpline team for some one to one support, the number is 0808 800 6000 and it’s open again on Monday at 9am.

Best wishes
Lucy

Hi Geraldine, I don’t know if you can hear this right now but DON’T “feel awful for putting them through this”. It’s the disease that is awful, not you!!! And waiting is always grim - most of us here can understand that.
I sometimes find it helps to remind myself that afterwards, I will be walking out of the hospital either with encouraging news and a sense of relief, or even if it is disappointing, with a treatment plan for the days and weeks ahead. And the ongoing love and support of family and friends.

Hi Geraldine

So sorry to hear you are struggling at the mo - and it really isn’t surprising given what you are waiting for. My hubby is a bit like yours and initially would rather not talk about things until we know what we are dealing with (I found had liver mets last summer). He’s now much better at talking through the possibilities as he knows it helps me to feel more in control and with a plan even for the scenarios we hope won’t happen - I’m a great planner! You are at the moment in limbo because you don’t know what is happening and can only fear the worse. Hopefully it will be “nothing to worry about” but if it isn’t, there really are many treatment options available which your onc will be able to discuss with you. And, although there are clearly no guarantees and this is a sh***y awful disease, there are many people who were diagnosed with secondaries quite a few years ago and are still going strong - hopefully some of them may post on this thread to offer you encouragement.

My children are older but I still feel guilty as a mum for putting them (and my husband, and my parents and my friends, family etc etc) through all this. It is illogical though (I do keep telling myself this) and over time I have learnt to let them help and support. We have also had some incredibly wonderful fun moments over the last 9 months, with lots of happy memories.

Take care - and do let us know how you get on on Tuesday. Fingers crossed for you.

Kay x

hi Geraldine
I’m amazed when I read these threads at how many people have exactly the same fears as me, its what gives me strength( I wish none of us were in this situation) but it helps that there are others who understand exactly what I’m going through. The thought of leaving my family, I have 3 children, and the pain they will go through breaks my heart. I have to stop thinking of it or I’m sure I’d have a breakdown.

The cancer I have has spread really quick and I’m not even sure if the six taxotere and herceptin I’ve just finished have done much good the onc said my last scan results were a “bit of a mixed bag”. I also feel awful for putting my family through everything, but as mrsblue says its not us its the disease. My only thoughts on this is that my family would rather have a sick mum having all the treatments on offer than no mum at all.

I also hate the fact that my husband and kids may suffer a bereivement at such a young age but try to think its something I can’t do anything about and hopefully eventually it will make them stronger, and more able to empathise with others. These are some of my coping mechanisms (pretty lame I know).

Thinking of you, especially on Tuesday.
Liz x

Hi Geraldine

I was diagnosed with secondaries about 5 weeks ago in my lungs and liver and am now on Taxotere, I will get my second chemo this Wednesday.

I understand how frightened you feel and the worry that you have regarding your kids, I am 38 and have s girls aged 9 and 6 and thinking about them and how they would cope if the worst came to the worst absolutely terrified me 5 weeks ago (and ona bad aday still does).

However there is good support and help out there to help you deal with living with cancer and indeed the thoughts that go through your head, I am seeing an psycolosgist at the moment who specialises in helping people that have been diagnosed with a chronic illness deal with it better. I have seen her twice and used the Maggies Cancer Centre and have became a lot more positive and focused over the past 5 weeks - although I think I have got some way to go yet.

If you are unfortunate and have bad news given to you my advise to you would be to get the support that is available to you out there, along with the use of the site you will get through a lot better.

Diane

Thanks Diane - well I got my bad news this morning. It’s back in my lymph nodes on my chest, and my onc. says there are hot spots on my lungs and bones. This is really shitty. My mother in law is picking up the kids from school but I really just do not know how to cope with this. I am waiting for my oncologist to ring with his plans for next week (starting taxotere and avastin) - he has said he will get me in touch with a specialist nurse but I think I’ll need more help than this.

Oh Geraldine

So sorry to hear the news was not good. You must have so many thoughts going through your head at the moment. ANd you are right - it is absolutely shitty. At least though it sounds as if there are clear plans for treatment being made and there is a specialist nurse who whould be able to provide some help. Do seek out more support though if you feel you need it. In my experience (I do a good impersonation act of someone who is holding it altogether without any difficulty!) often you need to ask for that extra support otherwise they will assume you are coping ok. I had some counselling in the autumn (diagnosed last summer) and am about to do a 5 week course on relaxation and visualisation which is supposed to cover various coping strategies.

Have also just replied to you on the SE meet thread - if you can join us in Guildford on 14th April, it would be great. Meeting people with similar diagnoses has really helped me more than anything else I think.

Sending you loads of cyber hugs

Kay xx

Geraldine

I am so so sorry to hear that the news os not good.

This is really shitty is so true, i think thats pretty much what I said when I got news of my mets.

I have just finished 6 taxotere, still working still carrying on. Its hard but it can be done. Do reach out and get help and support the first few weeks are awful i can’t deny that …but it does help to have plans for treatment to focus on with dates etc, ad then once you start you will be hitting back at it…taxotere plus avastin should be good combination as taxotere is really really strong and avastin is one of newest drugs out.

Sending you virtual hug

Cathy

Hi Geraldine,

so sorry to hear your news, I know its difficult but you will get through this, I was dx with liver mets in 2005. Once your treatment starts you will feel more positive, your onc is giving you the best treatment available Im sure you will be fine, you will still have the down days - we all do its normal to feel this way.

Hugs to you and your family

take care

Sue xx

Hi Geraldine

I am sorry to read about your results and just wanted to let you know that we can offer you more support, to find out more please call our helpline team of specialist breast care nurses who can talk to you about other secondary support available to you from Breast Cancer Care and other sources, you are welcome to call for support , information and a ‘listening ear’.

The number to call is 0808 800 6000 Monday -Friday 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.

Also, there is a secondary breast cancer live chat tonight at 8.30pm which runs for an hour, it may be helpful to you to ‘chat’ in real time to others who have been in a similar situation themselves. This runs every Tuesday evening so don’t worry if you don’t feel up to it tonight, you are welcome to join at any time. Here is the link for the live chat:

breastcancercare.chatjet.com/bcc/index.html

Best wishes
Lucy

Hi Geraldine, have just read your news and am so sorry, may I send you a cyber-hug. Not sure what else to say except that I will be thinking of you, and hoping that you have excellent support from your specialist nurse - and from us who walk alongside you here. And that the chemo does its stuff.

Hi Geraldine - i just wanted to send a cyber hug to you xxx