Hi I had a mx with tissue expander and full node clearance on 14/12/12 and so far am healing well physically apart from the feeling that the skin on my upper chest and back of my arm feels very raw and sensitive. But emotionally I feel a wreck. I felt so pleased straight after the op that the cancer had gone but now when I get in the shower or undressed I feel devestated at how I look, my breasts were the one part of my body I really quite liked. I know it is early days and will have the tissue expander filled before starting chemo and reconstruction at a later date but still finding it difficult to accept. I have been feeling really positive up untill now but I think having lost my mum to breast cancer 4 days before my diagnoses and spending christmas missing her so very much has all caught up with me now and I am struggling. xx
Hi Blue sky 19
Sorry to hear you’re struggling at the moment, but I am sure your fellow forum users will be along soon to give you some much needed support. Unfortunately due to the Bank Holiday our helpline is now closed today and tomorrow but open again on Wednesday at 9am, calls are free 0808 800 6000. If over the holiday period you really need someone away from the family to talk to then The Samaritans are always available by phone 08457 909090, the link to their website is:
samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Oh my God Blue Sky, it’s not surprising that you feel so down, you have been through a terrible time. I wonder whether you should ask to see the clinical psychologist at your hospital? I did when I was first diagnosed and I have found the appointments with her a real life saver. You can talk to them in a way that you can’t to your loved ones. You must have such a lot to get off your chest particularly losing your mum at such a difficult time. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve for your mum and your self. When you go through the things we go through it is grieving because you sort of lose the normal life that you once had and have to adjust to a new normal.
I hope that you have plenty of love and support around you too.
love
suzanne x
Hello blue Sky.
I feel for you at this time. I was diagnosed just two weeks after losing my mum to an unknown cancer (she was diagnosed with brain mets but they never found the prinary site). It was a very difficult time, quite surreal really. I couldn’t grieve for my mum as I was too busy dealing with my own cancer. I had to put that grief into a box and shut it while I got on with my treatment. I remember I used to allow myself a little cry in the shower every morning, then get on with life. I had three children at secondary school at the time, so felt I had to keep strong for them.
Now I find it impossible to separate the two events - any feelings or emotions I had, were they due to mum’s death or my cancer? I don’t know and never will. When I was in hospital after the mx, I ended up in tears on the last day, and told a nurse about my mum. As a result of that I was referred for counselling. Locally there are two places that provide cancer counselling - one is the local hospice, the other is a local cancer charity. The first place that became available was from the charity so I took that up. I had an hour’s seesion once a week and it helped. I don’t know if it was anything the counsellor said, or if it was just having an hour of ‘me’ time each week, in a safe place, where I could say anything without worrying about upsetting anyone, or worrying about what anyone would think of me.
I am now approaching six years on from that time. I look back and wonder how we got through it. The simple answer is that we did because we had to. It was the situation we found ourselves in at the time, and we had no choice but to deal with it. Sometimes life is just s**t and that’s all there is to it.
So you will get through this time, you will come out the other side one day and realise you managed it.
Best wishes to you
xx
Blue Sky you have every right to be tearful - you are a human being being asked to cope with such enormous emotional upheaval. I wonder sometimes how any of us get through this. I am just recovering from second lot of surgery to get clear margins and full node clearance. At the moment I try to only think of the present moment and not let my mind take flight with all the what ifs. The good thing about this forum is the knowledge I am not alone in this nightmare and that others have got through this and are living proof it can be done.
Thank you so much Suzanne, RoadRunner and Tuppence for you kind supportive posts.
now christmas and new years eve are out the way I do feel a bit better. I think it was because these times were always spent with my lovely mum and it just felt so empty without
her. I have started seeing a macmillan councellor which I am finding very helpful but have not seen him for 3 weeks due to my surgery and the holidays. will be seeing him again next week which I know will help greatly. Also I think going for my post op appointment on Thursday will be a step foward as then I should find out all there is to know about this awfull disease and will be on the way to starting the next stage of treatment which will be chemo.
sending love and hugs to all you lovely people.
Hi blue sky 19, there is a starting chemo in january link.
http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/community/forums/treatment-side-effects/undergoing-treatment-chemotherapy