Since my diagnosis on 7th April I have been forcing myself to be strong and positive, yes I’ve had the odd wobble, but tonight I finally Cracked!!
All the anger, fear and frustration was taken out on my poor boyfriend who, like me, has mental health problems. I lashed out at him, verbally abusing him and said some really hateful, nasty things.
I’m scared and angry that I’ve been diagnosed with Breast Cancer! Everyone has been commenting on how well I have taken it and how well I’m coping and how positive I am. Well I’m not!! I’ve just been putting on a brave face and my mask has finally slipped. I’m just so angry at myself for taking it out on my poor boyfriend who doesn’t deserve it at all. I’ve hurt him deeply and now I hate myself.
Think I gonna see about getting some counselling this week. Sorry for the rant but I just feel so angry and scared right now, needed to get it off my chest.
Hi haz25a, It is great that you are using the forum to ‘crack’. These early days are absolutely horrible and there is no need to hide your anger, frustrations and pain. It is important for you to let it out! You might want to download this publication and give it to your boyfriend - as he needs help and support t0o - so he can be there for you breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/publication/in-it-together-partners-people-breast-cancer-bcc120 Don’t be angry at yourself - look after yourself! This is a very scary time and - you are now on a roller coaster of emotions, which will eventually stop again. Working through it one step at a time will make it more manageable. Getting some counselling is a brilliant idea! - Go for it girl!
Hi Hazel,
Sounds very familiar. I’ve been quite worked up about things that wouldn’t usually bother me. My husband is in the firing line I’m afraid. He is scared too and doesn’t know what to say for the best. I know this is stupid but I had a hair disaster which has really upset me for the last 2 days and this has manifested in me being so angry, shouting and screaming about everything. I’m getting nervous about what is to come. I just want to know what is happening with the biopsies they took.
I keep envisioning this cancer as being a **bleep** mass taking over my body. I’m worried that in the time it is taking for my op is it growing and spreading through my breast.
Hazel I’m glad we have somewhere that we can let off steam. At work I’m carrying on as normal but I’m different now. My life has changed and so has yours but we can support each other through it.
I will be thinking about you xx