Finished Rads today & feeling very emotional & keep crying ?

There was me thinking I would be so happy to see my treatment finisheded I had my last of 15 early this morning, but on the way there & the way home I could barely speak to my OH as he was chatting away I just felt if I spoke I would just break down in floods, didn’t matter anyway as I got in & see all the cards & lovelies for my birthday that I just fell apart in floods of tears & I felt so bad for my 4 lovely kids that had been tidying up & making the place look nice.

Although im not too sore it does look very painfully red & the Rad nurse said to me today (new one) Oh its your last day you do realise this is going to get worse over the next 7 - 10 days & told me to contact my GP if it gets very sore or skin breaks

I think also as ive not had chemo & grateful I haven’t and I dont want to fall in that trap of living each day now in fear with this being TNBC I want to enjoy my life, I think also the menopause isn’t helping not been too bad the last 2 weeks but last night was bad with night sweats & been having bad hot flushes today … so prehaps its just everything catching up with me, quite surprised feeling this way so soon

Mekala

Oh hunny, I am so sorry to hear your having a bad day. Let me first wish you a happy birthday as well. Mind you it doesnt sound too happy. Give yourself a break, you have had a rough time and today it probably just hit you.

Can you do something nice tonight with just hubby.

Thinking about you.

SGL xx

Hi sweetie, sorry you are feeling so tearful. You probably hit the nail on the head, it’s all catching up with you. Have a good cry if you need to, your loved ones will understand. This time next week will be a whole different picture. Sending sunny heartfelt hugs your way, Lizzy x

Oh sorry this is happening to you on your birthday–but perhaps that is what is making it worse. I have not cried yet, but the things that make me tearful and nearly start are family things.

I am so glad xmas is a long way off. That is a time we are normally all care free and happy and if it were next week I know I would be completely illogical and break down.

I do not know what the recurrence rates of TNBC are. My cancer is hormone receptie, but to be quite honest the improvement in recurrance rates for someone my age are not that great. I think without tamaxofine I read the non recurrance is 93 and with it it is 95. I also seem to remember that the possiblilty of getting cancer fro someone who has never had it is 1 in 7, and for someone who has had it is 1 on 5. Mind you that was for my age group (over 60). These figures are from memory but they are in the right ball park.

It is only natural to worry about reoccurance, especially so soon after treatment has finished, but hopefully as your life starts to return to normal the monkey on yuur shoulder will shut up more and more often until you forget he is there.

Just because your rad finished today there was not some magic switch that turned you from worried cancer patient still undergoing treatment to happy clappy isnt the world wonderful wife and mother. All the memories are still there and your mind and body is still recovering from the battering it has taken. You dont expect the sorenss to go away overnight, so you should not expect the rest of your body or emotions to snap out of it either.

Sorry that sounds like a lecture. It was written from me being totally sympathetic and feeling for what you are going through

hello mekalar. i did exactly the same as you hun, i drove and went alone to my rads for the last week, everyone had had time off 2 take me and i thought i could cope alone, i was crying when i got in 2 the car, i cried most of the way there,( got some real strange looks,) and i cried during my last treatment, i thought it was relief, i really thought thats it, ive been there and now its all over, WRONG, i sobbed so much my eyes were raw, i breathed a big sigh of relief on getting back in to my car, then sobbed again, and to be fair it lasted for a few days. i would be ok one min and sobbing the next, then when the tears subsided i just felt so washed out and tired. BUT, when you think back… what a hellish ride we have been on, the shock on diagnosis , the trauma of surgerie,s the dark places we visit when everyone else is sleeping is it any wonder that when you can see a light at the end of the tunnel you end up in tears, take things slowly. a friend of mine said to me, you knocked down the wall, you now have to climbe over the rubble, never a truer word, im sure you will be just fine, take things slowly and give yourself time to recover from the bashing you have had both physically and mentaly , best wishes angie x oh ps happy birthday xx

Hi Mekala

WELL DONE on getting through the 15 rads, its not that bad but its not that good either. Your nurse was right about it getting worse before getting better. Mine did, and I had a sore under the breast within the folds of the breast. It hurt a lot, but it is getting better now. As to the crying I can relate to that. I had one day where I could not stop crying, dont know why. And after 2 weeks I still feel a little fragile and tired. I think, it is to do with the end of treatment for us. Being TN we have no other treatments. Life has to go on. We must enjoy it as best we can and not to dwell on things. Things do settle after a while and you will feel better and your emotions will settle down too. Dont do too much though. You may think you are ready but you are not and you could overdo things. The fatigue will fade away gradually and you will be back to yourself in no time. Big hugs to you, and please keep in touch…love chris xx

Thank you Chrissy :slight_smile: your right it just seems so ‘final’ thats it your done sort of thing yet realistically we are still dealing with the emotions of being diagnosed surgery waiting for the results proded, poked, scanned, chopped, back & forth & suddenly thats it ! although its a good thing the proceedure does get going quickly on the other hand it leaves you feeling bit like you’ve been on a conveyer belt.

Thanks for all the advice I hope your soreness soon heals, ive even been treated to chocolates today that cheered me up :slight_smile:

Love
Mekala x

Thankyou all I just se the other messages its made me feel alot better with you guys I dont feel alone

lots of love to you all xxx

hi mekalar i felt like this when my chemo and rads finished wasnt crying but numb , didnt feel happy just tired and sore, i hope you can feel better soon and the fact that you obviously have great OH and kids (tidying up bless) will help i think, you have been through alot try to chill this evening and maybe after a good sleep you will feel lighter in mood tomorrow, try to enjoy your birthday and love and hugs to you birthday girl xxx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE…chris xxxx

Hi

Sorry you are feeling low at the moment. It is normal to feel this way after all you have been through.

The final rads session I was so happy that I skipped out of the department after checking no one watching and all well. Then next morning I didn’t know what to do with myself & wandered round like a lost puppy.

I’m now nearly 4 months after & for me these feelings have now lessened. It helped me to carry on working (I didn’t have Chemo or hormone tabs). My manager still keeps an eye on me just in case I go loopy; but I’ve been more settled.

It helped once I’d had my follow up appt with my Onc 4 weeks after rads. I had a good talk with her over how I felt and what happens next. Monitoring wise.

I still feel a bit lost on occasion so be kind to yourself & one day at a time.

Take care
Lynne

I’m not going to say ANYTHING about your treatments, just wanted to say a massive

H A P P Y
B I R T H D A Y ! ! ! ! ! ! !

CM
x

Hi, Happy Birthday,

I too felt very emotional and upset for a while after completing rads, I actually think it is a se of the rads themselves, I tried to manage for a while but then contacted my GP who prescribed anti depressants and counselling,
I feel much better (at the moment), its difficult to get back into the normal day to day routine again, I am sure you are not alone in feeling the way you do.

Best wishes Liz xxx

Happy birthday, finishing treatment is so hard. My GP likened how we feel to a sort of post traumatic stress and I think he’s right. You aren’t the only one to feel the way you are after rads finish. Take care xx

Hi Liz & loupylou

yeah I agree I think your GP is right, I just posted on the ‘effect of rads’ thread not feeling too bad today apart from the tiredness so just being good to me & treating it as a sort of convelesant time. The evening times I use as a total chill out time for ME so OH & kids just have to get on with it once ive fed them, but they are ok with this Tuff if they were not lol

thanks for all the birthday wishes as it goes my birthday didn’t turn out too bad after all the tears & I said hell to the good eating that day & was treated to fish & chips which went down a treat :slight_smile: & some choccies

Mekala x

Happy belated birthday Mekala. Glad ur day turned out fairly ok. I think it must be so hard to cope with, u’ve been through so much & when something finishes like ur rads u just don’t know how to feel. I haven’t started them yet but all the posts on here im sure will help get me & others through it. I do hope u start to feel better about everything, as u say just take time to look after yourself & have ‘me’ time. I think that’s really important.

PS what does TN mean when people talk about TNBC pls?

Sending hugs ur way,love Heather x

Hi Mekala
I think a lot of us feel the same at the end of treatment. We expect to feel elated and wanting to party but it’s not like that. I burst into tears as I left the hospital after my last rads treatment, and what made it worse was that I was on my own. I’d dropped lots of hints to my OH about him coming with me for the last one but he just didn’t “get it”.
I can only describe it as a bit like finishing exams that you’ve been working really hard for - you’ve got so used to working hard that it takes a while to come down and accept that you don’t have to do that any more.
Sarah x
P.S. to Heather - TN = triple negative, i.e. the cancer does not respond to oestrogen, progesterone or human growth factor.

Hi Heather & Sarah, yes your so right it does feel like you’ve finished an exam that you’ve worked so hard towards the only difference is we have such a long long wait to know if its all paid off in our favor, I was the same sarah, luckily my OH was driving & I got very teary he still didn’t ‘get it’ I dont think anyone who has not walked this path ever really do.

Hugs
Mekala xxx

I was lucky as I was one of the patients who was fortunate enough to sail through rads with little or no problems, except for a blister that emerged on the very last day that needed treatment with antibiotics a week later. As my appointments were 9.30 am, I was usually home way before midday even though it was a 50 mile round trip.The daily routine gave me some normality back. However,like others, I had no idea what to do with myself the day after the last one.

I think it affects people because it’s very intense part of the treatment. Let’s face it, horrible as chemo is you are only usually at the hospital ever 3 weeks; with rads it’s almost every day for up to 5 weeks. I had 4 weeks with one team, then a week with another as I had the bit they call a boost. When I left the first team I felt bereft as I felt they had become like friends in a way,due to the small talk before and after the brief sessions. The 5 weeks actually felt like a lot longer than it really was.

dear mekalar, I think the end of rads is a difficult time. Yes we’ve got through it and suddenly we have to take stock of all that has happened. It can hit hard, the dx and all the treatment. it took me months to process all the trauma that we go through. Be kind to yourself and allow feelings to come and go. If you hold on to sadness and anger it will come back later on.
best wishes