well, the day has finally arrived, well almost!! I am due to finish chemo tomorrow (bloods permitting of course), booked in for my final CMF at 10.30. Trouble is, I’m not really sure how I feel about it! How weird is that??!!
When I started back in May I longed for this day. It felt like it was never gonna come yet it has. Thing is, this has been such a huge part of my life for so long that I’m not sure how to feel about finishing it. I’ve still got a long way to go, what with rads and Herceptin, but this is such a humungous milestone. So why aren’t I more excited about it??? Maybe I will be tomorrow…
Hi Kelly
Good for you - I can hardly believe you’re at this stage. I’m not sure how you feel, I’m still at number 4 and I wish they were over but part of me is still scared that the security blanket will be gone.
Well done - I also have rads and Herceptin to look forward to so I’ll be keeping an eye out for your advice as I tail in behind you all being well.
Try to mark to occasion - perhaps start to look for hair regrowth - how nice will that be!!LOL
Good luck on the next part of this crazy rollercoaster that none of us asked to ride!
Im only at number 3 and long for THAT day to come, however I too have been thinking recently about the whole security blanket thing as Muddy mentions.
I think maybe your more anxious than anything else, and because it has been a journey in its self, your now moving onto the next step of recovery so I think if you cant find it in you to be excited to finish - then maybe look at it as an acheivement and pop those corks of champers and toast to you getting through this part of recovery and also toast to your OH for the support thats got you there.
It’s rolled around so quickly hasn’t it?- we both started at about the same time.
I finished last Wednesday and know exactly what you mean. I felt quite freaked out about it and asked my dr a million times about next appointments etc etc as it has been a comfort blanket in a way. I think that when you find out you have bc your life changes in so many ways, and I clung to the new structures of treatment and chemo as a way of staying sane through all this. I was scared of it finishing too as I felt as long as they were pumping stuff in nothing bad was happening.
BUT on the day of my last one I sat down with bcn and onc and they were really positive. I said I’d been feeling scared about recurrence etc, nodes, HER + blah blah and they said you’ve had treatment tailored for you, we gave it to you because we think it’ll work, you’ve done really well to get to today and you can pat self on back a bit now as you’re doing everything right. Have repeated that as hope it’ll help you feel chirpy too!!
You don’t have to roll out and the bunting and strike up the band if you don’t want to, but you can rightfully feel bloomin chuffed with yourself and your OH (who sounds lovely btw!).
Congrats on getting to this stage. Cant say I know how you feel cos I have had 4 out of 6 with surgery and rads still to go. As the others have said - if its hard to feel really happy just look on it as getting over 1 hurdle - and getting on with the next part of this journey.
I knew I could rely on your support!! You’re all awesome, although I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that!
Muddy - you’ll be here before you know it, the time has flown by for me. My hair is growing back a treat now, I even got a comment today about how ‘nice’ it is! Not quite sure I’d quite call it ‘nice’ but I was very grateful nonetheless. You’re so right about this being a crazy rollercoaster that none of us wanted to ride!
Lynne - Ditto to what I said to Muddy, you’ll honestly be amazed at how quickly the time goes. I like the way you’ve ‘broken it down’, in that I’m now moving on to the next stage in my recovery, its a good way of looking at it. I absolutely need to toast my OH, who has been amazing throughout. I am taking him away to a hotel at the end of Oct to say thank you to him. Blimey he’s had to put up with some sh*t!!!
Lizalou - I can hardly believe we’ve finished already! (well, almost for me!). Your comments defo made me feel chirpy and have really perked me up. I am now feeling chuffed with myself, and OH, together we make a formidable team!! Its been hard but I guess we do deserve a pat on the back, and why on earth not!
So, thank you all for your awesome words of wisdom and support. You all speak so much sense and I’m so grateful. I think there may be a lot of tears tomorrow, but to be honest thats not at all unusual for me!! I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes,
Wow, must be a wonderful feeling getting through all that chemo - good on you. You have been a tower of strength to everyone on here, no matter what you are feeling or going through, but know that you will still be on here helping us all out.
Good luck for tomorrow, will be thinking of you having your last lot while getting ready to go for my chemo appointment, and yours will all be over when I begin my tax … well done you though for getting through it and staying so strong and positive.
Be joining you on the old Herceptin soon I think … when do you start that do you know.
Am sure that it is probably very emotional getting to the end, and not really knowing fully what is next and when. Hopefully when it is over, you will suddenly get a burst of energy, jump around the hospital cheering, and then maybe go out tomorrow night and celebrate.
I finished chemo 3 weeks ago today and i also felt really weird about it. My boyfriend was jumping around thrilled and wondering why i wasn’t as over the moon as he was. Although, i’m back in the thick of it now with rads.
However, I was way more excited about finishing it last week when i had loads of energy. Off to see my onc now for my chemo review apt. Hope it goes well for you tomorrow Kelly.
All the best and take care, xxx
I was so pleased to finish my chemo last year, I had 4 FEC and 4 Taxotere but was still receiving herceptin, just the thought of no cold cap and no side effects or those bloody steriods had me jumping for joy. (on my poor blistered feet)
Each time I finished a treatment, chemo, rads and herceptin I always had a bottle of champagne chilled in the fridge ready with a large double chocolate cheescake from Sainsbury and stopped for a takeway or a meal on the way home too. I looked at finishing each treatment as another hurdle out of the way.
I am sure the good feeling will come.Congratulations for reaching the end of chemo.
You have been such a support to all of us on this site. Thanks for all your posts.
Good luck tomorrow will be thinking of you.
I can understand what you’re saying babe…it is like your life is entwined with the chemo schedule and what will happen when it is not there anymore. I have even heard people say they feel depressed when their treatment finishes (not sure I will be in that camp though!!!).
You will, I’m sure, be ecstatic when you recover from your side effects and have that champagne!!!
Hope it goes OK tomorrow for you - odds on you have bloomin’ good cry too!!! Bless you.
you all speak an awful lot of sense which is why I love coming on here. I’m sure I will be pleased once I get home tomorrow. If not maybe in a couple of weeks when I’m full of energy and know that I do not have another chemo looming.
Gonna defo get that champers sorted I think, double choc cheesecake sounds just the ticket too!! Instead of my usual chemo calipo tomorrow I am taking a snickers ice cream, should make them all chuckle. Have got wine and choccies for every member of staff on the unit so I’m sure they’ll be well pleased to see me!!
Will be sure to let you know how I get on, just as soon as I stop crying that is!! LOL!
good luck for tomorrow hope all goes well and congratulatioins on getting to the end. I have just had number three today so feel elated at getting half way. I think I can understand what you are feeling, like a safety net has gone I guess. Going back and forwards is the only focus and how the body reacts! Anyway well done, chill the champers (well maybe in a week when you feel like it!)
good luck for tomorrow, its really strange but I was elated when I had my last one but since then I have really felt emotional and anxious but dont know why. I suppose you are left wondering, has it done its job etc. and you are also thinking about getting closer to getting your life back !! which is also great, but makes you want to cry !! How wierd is that ?
Just think of all that lovely food and drink just waiting to be enjoyed !! and no more horrid side effects yee haa.
I have just got my tamoxifen tablets today, Rads start on 25th Oct. Just think, I will have a new hairdo for christmas too, BLISS !
I must say I found it to be a huge anti-climax but it gave me a window to go on holiday and that was the best thing about it, 3 weeks away before the radiotherapy pits for 5 weeks, no changing rooms then (Nov 06) and still none now - I go back every now and then to check.
Raised it with BCC but they don’t seem to be interested - shame for all the other ladies, too late for me of course.
I was glad mine was over it made me very ill and at least I could get on with my life once it was over, I felt tied to hospitals, needles etc and bed most of the time… rads was far better…now I am getting on with my life and trying not to look back only forward.
Ive got lots I want to do, I just didnt realise it before this… I cried after rads, I think it was the emotion of the whole journey coming out…but now I feel great, well that is apart from the menopause symptoms kicking in.
I know just how you feel. I finished my chemo on 8th August and was looking forward to no more needles etc., but when the day came I felt quite emotional. We had a good laugh (as always) and I took some cakes and flowers in. There was a party atmosphere and everyone was really happy for me. Walk in there with your head held high girl, you are a strong, amazing lady and have climbed a HUGE mountain. You are now walking down the other side and, as you know, that’s always easier. I’ve finished my rads and am now ‘on my own’ as I’m triple negative, but rads is a doddle compared to chemo. My mother-in-law (who was diagnosed the month before me) finished her chemo and went out and bought herself a brand new Mini Cooper. I’m not suggesting that you spend that much (but on the other hand…), but make sure you treat yourself. Me and hubby have booked an Escape weekend at the York Marriott - champagne and chocolates, fluffy bathrobes AND slippers, Molten Brown products and Spa treatments (after reading all that, maybe I should be going with another girlie lol). As they say on the adverts ‘We’re worth it’. Well done you!!!
Just wanted to wish you well for tomorrow - believe me when that cannula comes out for the last time, you’ll feel great. It’s yet another milestone completed, so you go ahead and celebrate !!