First appointment on Monday, and I'm so scared.

I shouldn’t be. I really shouldn’t be. I’m only 36, with no close family history of breast cancer. I know the statistics, and I know that most of the time, lumps are nothing to worry about. I’ve been telling myself that for the last week, and I’ve held it together pretty well. The situation is complicated fby the fact that I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, and have a lot of difficulty recognising where that ends and the worry over this bloody lump begins!

I was coping until I had a panic attack when out walking the dog. Luckily I was in the middle of nowhere, and could sit down and freak out without anyone seeing, but the whole thing hit me in waves, and I really wish I was as strong as some of you, because I just don’t know if I am able to deal with any of this right now. Urgh. 

I just want this over with, one way or the other. I thought that I would get seen on Monday and at least have a scan so I have a vague idea what I’m up against, but reading some of the posts here, the wait is unlikely to be over so soon. I feel like my life is in limbo, I’m scared to make plans. Which is ridiculous, I know.

I just wanted to get this off my chest. It’s hard talking to people about it, because all they want to do is brush off my panic and make me feel like I’m an idiot for even worrying. I know they are trying to make me feel better, but I do sometimes wonder whether that is for my benefit or theirs!

How many of you had mammograms, US etc on the same day as your first appointment?

Hi wiccabasket

Welcome to the BCC forums, I am sure your fellow users will be along with support and understanding of how you are feeling at the moment. Our helpliners are also on hand with practical and emotional support during the week 9-5 and Saturday 10-2 on 0808 800 6000

You may find the following link to the BCC information and booklet ‘Your breast clinic appointment’ helpful to read:

Take care
Lucy BCC

I had an appointment last week , after doctor found suspicious changes in my right breast, I was booked in for a mammogram, ultrasound and at the time of appointment some unexpecteded core biopsies done. I would rather know than not know. My results are being rushed through for this Wednesday. It might be nothing. I breast fed two kids, have no family history, so I keep thinking it can’t happen? The negative part of me is terrifying me with overwhelming self pity. I think it’s normal from what I read on here. I think I have read and researched as much as I can so feel prepared? The majority of the ladies in the waiting room went in, had mammogram and quick ultrasound then seemed to go home long before me. The majority of these lumps are not cancerous, is what I keep reading.

Hello Wiccabasket, you’ve certainly come to the right place to offload your worries and feelings of panic. What you are feeling at the moment is all perfectly normal. As yet you have no idea what, if anything, you are going to have to face and will be feeling completely all at sea as you have no control of the situation. As you say the stats say the odds are on your side, but understandably you are still worried. Please do not google, you will only scare yourself and get out of date or plain inaccurate information. If your appointment on Monday is at a breast clinic you may well have a mammogram, US and biopsy (if needed) all on the same day. It’s often a good idea to take someone with you to your appointment, not only for moral support but also to note down- in writing- what is said to you as you’ll certainly not remember, or even hear, everything that’s said. If you do need a biopsy most people have to wait a couple of weeks for the results, this is potentially the most worrying time as you still don’t know exactly what you are dealing with. Once you know, and IF it is BC, you will have a treatment plan with a time scale and will begin to feel much more in control. Hopefully, you will not get to this stage as your results will be good news. Hope this has been of some help to you, do keep posting with questions, worries or just a plain good old rant, and let us know how you get on. Best wishes and good luck, take care Pat x

Thank you all so much, it’s quite reassuring to be able to rant without worrying I’m upsetting people :slight_smile:

I’ll be glad when I do get control back, because you are quite right - feeling as though I’m not in control is making everything that much worse.

Good news! They found one cyst, which they aspirated there and then. It seems to have done the trick, and they aren’t worried or concerned, so it looks like I’m in the clear.

Thank so much for your support, ladies xxx