first mammogram since treatment

Hi all

I went for my first mammogram on Tuesday since diagnosis and finishing treatment. Had mastectomy, immediate reconstruction, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and am now on Tamoxifen. I have been doing really well and have returned to work.

I have had a couple of check ups before and was a bit nervous but not too bad. This time however, I feel as if I have taken a step back in time, waiting for results.
It is almost as if I am back at the beginning again. I think it is the fact that I had the mammogram. One of my colleagues asked yesterday if I was all right and I nearly burst into tears. I have not done that for ages.

Has anyone else felt like that and how did you put the wait to the back of your mind? I am normally a very positive person and have coped really well throughout.

I am going on a works night out tonight and intend to enjoy myself.

Best wishes to all

Take care and love
Thistle

Hi Thistle
I know so well what you are feeling. In April I had to go for a bone scan to check for secondaries after being dx with primary and mastectomy in 2005.( good result). I rememember well the ’ good prognosis’ words ringing in my ears as I lay on the scanner and wondered how I could be at that point after my consultant telling me this! The whole experience of the initial dx and waiting for the results flooded back as if the intervening year hadn’t happened - for the next three weeks my life was taken over by the fear of ‘yes it could be bad news’ as it was before and I was totally unprepared for the fear that those memories stirred up - trouble is the second experience has so shaken me that I constantly relive that churning feeling whenever I visit the breast unit. I thought I had been dealing well with the bc until that point but now I’m not so sure. Hope your wait is not too long and it is good news - can’t take your worry away but can empathise completely.
Love Seren xx

Hello Thistle - I hope you’ve had your results by now and that they were good news. I’m just waiting for the results of my second mammogram (I’m two years post diagnosis) and going merrily up the wall here with waiting. Last year I got a call back to have another core biopsy, which was negative, but it happened quite quickly after the first follow up mammogram, so am hoping that if I don’t hear anything for the next ten days it will be ok. I know they’re taking longer nowadays because they check the plates against previous mammograms and look for changes/patterns, but it makes it very hard for us and I don’t suppose we’ll ever get used to it. And like Seren I get that churning feeling every time I go through the doors of the breast unit.
Irene xxx

Message for Serendipity and Irenebo

Hi Seren and Irene
Thank you very much for your kind thoughts. I was hoping to be able to post back sooner but I just got my results today and it was good news. I ended up phoning the breast cancer nurse to see if there was any word of the result and she phoned me back in the afternoon. I know it sounds stupid but I just could not stop crying! My legs were shaking and I had umpteen attempts at texting people. Then, when I came home from work the letter with the result had arrived.
Seren – (love the Serendipity). As you say it stirs up feelings that you are totally unprepared for – exactly the same feelings I had when diagnosed and the wait for results then. I feel as if I can move forward positively again (for a while anyway!).
Irene – I hope you don’t have too long to wait either and the news is good. The waiting is the hardest part (and they try to tell you stress is bad for you!). Please let us know when you get your results. I will be thinking about you. Hopefully one of these days we will be able to conquer the fears.
I am off to have a large glass of wine and if I have a hangover tomorrow at work will probably take the best minutes ever!
Once again. Thanks to both of you and please let me know how you are getting on. It is great to be able to come on to the site and people know exactly how you are feeling.

Love and take care
Thistle
xxx

Hello Thistle! A very belated response to your lovely message and delighted about your news. I did get a letter at the end of January to say no abnormal changes detected, although there were changes in my breast because of the operation. Am very pleased and trying to be more diligent about checking myself on a monthly basis. Since this whole BC drama I’ve felt very reluctant to do this, because I’m still a very lumpy person and it takes a bit of courage to go through the routine.

I think the worry will ease as the years pass. And it’s lovely to have this message board. I only log on a few times a month, when I’m feeling unconfident and need a bit of support.

Love to you all
xxx