For Joclare
For Joclare Hi Joanne - I am touched that you remember my mum - yes you are right all she wanted was to stay with us and that is one of the most awful things about it all, her knowing she was going to leave us - it upset her so much and it surprised me so much on how she reacted when she was told she had 3 months to live in fact she only had just 6 weeks) as she had been so brave up until then I suppose because the hope was always there. She cried so much after that point but in the last week she seemed to know she was leaving and a kind of peace surrounded her.
It would really help to “talk” with you because as you say no-one really understands how you feel - especially when you lose your mum in this way and at a young age(well I feel young at 39)!
Do you dream of her much, I havent lately but in the first few weeks I did every night - it was the same sort of dream - she was telling me she was ok now and the illness had gone(in some of the dreams she wanted to know why we were so upset !)
love and best wishes to you
Sharon
Hi Sharon
Would be great to keep in touch, its hard to talk to friends about whats going on isnt it, as although they are sympathetic they are not in the same situation. It definately makes a difference loosing your mum when you are young as you dont have anyone to compare yourself to. Do you have a Dad and brothers and sisters that you can chat to? I have a Dad and two sisters but I dont even talk about it that much even with them.
My mum was the same as yours, always brave, they want to shield us from the worst dont they? My mum didnt get to the stage where they could do no more for her, the worst thing for me is that she was doing so well and the treatment was working, only for her to succumb to pneumonia. She faught so hard but it was something completely out of her control that took her from me.
I am the same as you, I used to dream about her a lot when I first lost her, but it is becoming less. It wasnt the same sort of dream as you, it was just her coming to my house and everything being normal as it was before she got ill.
I know it sounds silly but at the beginning I really wanted to see a ‘sign’ from my mum to tell me that she was ok and I didnt need to worry. I never did get one, but feel that she is always with me, pulling me through. One of my friends has mentioned going to see a medium, but at the moment I think this would upset me more than anything!
At the moment I feel that I am doing ok, just taking one day at a time. My mum is constantly on my mind but I dont cry everyday as I used to. I tend to have 2 or 3 days a week where I wake up in tears and it pretty much carries on like that all day and I am in a right state. If I see or hear something that reminds me of my mum that also sets me off.
How do you feel about xmas? I am finding it really hard. Its the songs more than anything, I dont mind the shopping. My mum always did an amazing xmas, she was so over the top. We are going to carry that on this year, as if we dont I think it will get harder and harder as the years go by. What are your plans for xmas?
Anyway, would so love to keep in touch. I dont think I am able to send you my email address over this site, but I think sometimes the moderator can pass it on, I will try and find out and then we can chat in private as well if you like.
I hope you have had a good day today, take care.
Love Joanne xx