Four year old wants baby sister/brother

Four year old wants baby sister/brother

Four year old wants baby sister/brother Hello,

My four year old has been driving me crazy wanting a baby sister/brother. The only thing is that the chemotherapy put me into the menopause. This is very painful because I would like another baby, too and still even have dreams about it (doesn’t help that all my friends have two). Don’t know really what to say to him and try bursting out into tears, but it’s not easy. Also, people seem to be really nasty about only children/mothers of only children.

I might be able to adopt eventually, if only because my sister-in-law adopted four children from a women whose fertility is way out of control. Her last boyfriend was a registered sex offender, so baby no. 5 went to another home, but the woman isn’t even thirty yet and they want all her children to have regular contact with each other, but that’s not something I would want to count on.

Just having the no more baby blues.

I know how you feel Yep the chemo fried my ovaries too and I am still angry about it because i only found out on chemo 6 that it make a difference of 10% and i would never have risked my fertility for that had I known. Still what can you do?

My son is 2 next week, so he is yet to start harrasing me for a sibling but when he does I have already decided to tell him the truth, ie ‘mummy was very sick when you were a baby and the medicine that made her better means that she will never be able to have another baby.’ I feel that it is probably better to be as honest as possible in terms that they can understand.

The truth is I would sell my soul for another child but it is not going to happen, so I need to be grateful for the one I have.

all the best


Hi there Christine

Nice to hear from you again - its been a while.

Sorry to hear you are having the baby blues - and having to explain the complexities to a 4 year old must be difficult.

Unfortunately I can’t help out with any suggestions. I used to get very upset that metastatic bc and ongoing chemo had caused my ovaries to “die” - as my cheerful oncologist likes to say and hence robbed me of the opportunity to be a mother.

But reading about women with children going through the same stuff has made me realise how much harder it is on them.

good luck with it all and hope you are well otherwise - have a good Easter.


no more babies hi christine , i also have a 4yr old he has yet to ask about another baby but we were on the verge of starting meds to have 2nd baby when i was diagnosed{ i had fertility probs anyway hence meds}. we had already started to talk to him about what it might be like to have a brother or sister, bless him he only mentioned it once after i was diagnosed and we just told him the truth . to be honest i was more upset and angry about not having more children than the cancer itself, especially when they said that it could trigger another cancer to have treatment to conceive and go through a pregnancy. it felt like i’d been kicked while i was down , i know what you mean about peoples attitudes to the parents of only children, i have been worried about what i’ll do when people ask me if i’ll have more children or won’t your son be lonely etc. hubby says don’t think about it just get through just now but i can’t help it .this is not helped by people telling me to be grateful for what i,ve got as i find it hurtful, as if i don’t appreciate my child enough and am being greedy. maybe i’ll just get a little card printed up and just hand it to them when they ask questions , could save a lot of time and maybe prevent a bit of swearing on my part, i do seem to be a little short tempered these days. i hope we both feel a bit less upset soon . love nicci

No more babies Nicci,

I so understand where you are coming from. I have felt robbed and mutilated since treatment has finished and even though I didn’t cry once during chemo or surgery, I have cried daily since my hormone results. In fact i have changed oncologists because i am still so angry that I wasn’t given the stats before I started the treatment, he simply told me that it was mandatory. Still the bottom line is that I should have done the research myself earlier and i didn’t, so it is my fault.

We are where we are unfortunately.

I try to be as practical as i can about it. When people say stupid stuff like ‘planning number two?’ I just say ’ Actually chemo has drawn a line under that…’ That shuts most people up instantly because they just don’t know what to say.

I too hate it when people say that I should be grateful for what I have because i am! It is because I am so grateful that I want more! But there is the twist, my son is adoreable but there are no guarantees that a number two would have been. Nor can we know if siblings would even get on. I know plenty of adults who detest their siblings.

I comfort myself with the stats showing that single children are more likely to be brighter and highly sucessful than children with siblings. My 2 yr old can count to 20 and knows his alphabet already, he has mummy’s full attention. Being an only child has plus sides and does not hold the same stigma that it once did.

All the best


Mrs Salmon

I totally understand you… esp that be grateful for what you’ve got thng… funny how its the person who HASNT had cancer thet says that. There are no-one more grateful that us who managed by pure luck to have a child before treatment to realise how lucky we are.

I am delaying trying for another child until my high risk 2yrs is up, my friends are all planning others, I find the unadorned truth best, but as a triple neg I have no other treatment to interfere with me bits. I’m happy to put off trying, as I am truthfully terrified of recurrance when pregnant (was dx at 36 weeks) oh for the blissful ignorance of pre-cancer. I read an acticle of a woman in her60’s who had had no children and she said she grieves for the children she never had and I think that sums it up. It also is way there is a place for younger womens forums here on Breast Cancer Care, as this is something that affects us pre-meno women.


For Sammyh Thought I’d let you know that there is a recent UK study done on pre-menopusal women which shows that pregnacy after BC treatment has a protective effect. The max benifit was for those who waited 2 yrs but I think that that is comforting to know.

All the best