friends, neighbours and just people you know

hi all, here i am in the hospital,3 days after double mx and obviously too much time on my hands. I’m 38 two small kids so my life is very much school runs everyday, daycare, variuos activities etc. i know for sure that i will be starting chemotherapy in 3-4 weeks. for now only two close friends know about my bc. but in a month or so i will not be able to hide it very well. hairloss of course, will be hard to hide. i can get a wig and i will but eyebrows will go, too, i was told. docs think i will have 4 or 6 fec. so how you all do this?i do not mind telling people i have bc and going through chemotherapy. its just that there are people i will talk about it but with many mums on playground or at schoolgates, I’d rather not. also, i don’t want people see just cancer in me. hope this makes sense. advice, tips, suggestions are very welcome. thanks.

Have you thought about eyebrow tattoo before you start your chemo they look realy nice

I completely understand your desire for privacy, it can get very intrusive when people want to keep giving you advice when you just haven’t asked for it and telling you all about their great-uncle Albert who had some kind of cancer nothing to do with BC who had treatment completely unrelated to yours. And they he died. Or and he was fine so you’ll be fine. Urgh.

What’s your hair like at the moment? If you have hair that could take a long fringe, how about getting it cut now, before chemo, so that your fringe covers or disguises your eyebrows? Do you wear glasses? If so, how about going for a change of frame that also covers your eyebrows? With those two, you’re well in. You can then get a wig fitted that matches your new hairstyle, and no-one you don’t want to tell need be any the wiser. If people get used to the new look before it becomes essential, no-one else needs to know if you don’t want them to.

hello thought id just add my thoughts also,
its very odd when you tell some people the way they react,i have been very open about my breast cancer through out and just told the people who i wanted to know,sometimes even to make it easier for them to start a conversation! most have been ok with it but a few i felt have shyd away from me,maybe they are scared it might happen to them i dont know.made me think how would i have reacted if it was the other way around? would i face it or pretend its not happening? hopefully i would be strong enough in myself to talk about it,so you wont know until you start to tell people but as other thread mentioned try not to listen to others stories of woe,sadness and side effects.we are all different,i felt better for talking about it,even had article in local paper about myself and my journey,(all possivite by the way)so do what feels right for you.i have a lovely wig im learning to live with and a few new eyelashes/ eyebrows.i went on a therphy day at my local hospital called look good feel better and was shown how to draw on eyebrows properly and all kinds of makeup tips and came away with a lovely bag of free make up.if you key in look good feel better it should bring up site,depends where you live though.best wishes lynne

i totally get how you feel 5 months since dx chemo nearly done but feel this is my starting point again i feel people just see cancer patient and not me i dont hold pity parties for myself (well maybe the odd one)but we are entitled i dont want to be repeatedly asked about my chemo etc and the best question at th minute is "when will you get the all clear or when will you know if its worked?"if only that simple.just do what you feel comfy with this is our battle and we all cope differently and people do mean well.you take care x

Hello, Sorry you have to be on the forum.
For me being open about it was the best policy, but you may feel differently.
When on chemo you will probably need help with school runs etc, so it’s as well to have some good friends who can offer help when you need it. Accept all help gratefully - you need the help and others like to feel they are doing something.
Good luck .

Stella xx

hi

i was very much a blurter at the start, i think it was partly me getting my head around it: the more i said it the more it’s real.

I generally go baldy but don’t at the school gate for my 6yr old, he’s fine about it now but i don’t want one of the other kids teasing him about his bald mother.

I have 2 wigs, which i wear sometimes at night. Not sure about them really, i spend the time wondering if people are wondering if i have a wig. Whereas bald quite clearly screams ‘cancer’ and sometimes - like you say yourself - i don’t want to be the ‘cancer-victim’ stuffed in the corner. (Who added the ‘victim’ bit? I don’t feel like a ‘victim’. P**sed off maybe, really angry at times, but not victimy)

I haven’t lost eyebrows or eyelashes yet (FEC3) and shaved my hair off in the middle of FEC1. Think i shaved it shorter than i needed as it’s on the whole still hanging on grimly, although there’s always a scattering on my pillow.

You will be fine once you start. x

HI there, hope you feeling OK after your op. Managing other people’s reactions is tricky - there was a whole thread going a few months ago about how to talk to people at work that you might find helpful.
My approach was just to breeze up to a situation, initiate a conversation about something other than my health, and then rush off so no-one could ask me!!! Took lots of energy but at least I felt in control of the situation.
When I was at the latter end of chemo I wasn’t out and about much so other people doing lots of jobs for me and so I was only seeing people I wanted to see.
Do you know the lovely thiing tho - all sorts of women came up to me and said " I had it you know" and now I feel like there is this little network of women in Sainbusry’s and the butchers and the school gate who you can smile at with a knowing look!
best Nicola

I told everyone at school given half a chance. Chemo is hideous and I did not want people at school to wonder what had happened to me, skulking down to school looking terrible and barely able to talk. I found when people asked I gave a brief reply then turned the subject back to them, most were happy not to pry and/or be confronted with cancer.

Addtionally, you will need help. Take it with open arms! Let people have the kids after school, bring meal, do little chores. Most people are wonderfully kind and really want to do something. I made several new friends up at that school and really consolidated a few fledgling friendships too as the cancer was a great ice-breaker.