Right now I am really upset. For reasons too long-winded to go into I have only just told my oldest friend what’s going on with me. She Immediately started firing a load of questions at me. But. Ever single question was loaded, do,they know why you got it, was it your diet, was it the pill, was it deodorant, was it blah, blah - effectively what about me, what are my chances of getting it? I understand the fear - I am on the young side and she’s my age but good manners at least should dictate that you don’t do that. But not to worry because “at least you don’t have children”. Right, good to know I’m dispensable.
I had the same from a really close friend - it was all about her - famous quote was “well now I’m terrified because I’m sure I’ll be recalled after my next mammogram”. She then definitely tried to get one up on me as broke her toe two weeks ago! I did try not to laugh! But really I was ?! You just have to smile and try and let it go (that would be a good song title!).
Jane x
? that’s not very supportive of her! I’m sorry hun xx
Oooh strudel … a huge hug for you ?
I understand that you must be very upset, and it must seem as though your friend was being extremely insensitive … however, I have also had all these questions fired at me and I think that people become scared … ‘if it can happen to you, what about me?’ I’m not making excuses for your friend, not at all … she is obviously a very close friend and should be offering you support not thinking about herself. Perhaps when she has had time to digest the ‘news’
she will realise how selfish she came across. I hope so …
oh and not one of us is dispensable - we are loved by many people whether they are family or friends …
xxxx
hi strudel
when going through this, it never ceases to amaze me how people can react in such unexpected ways.
some, like your friend, maybe inadvertently, let their own anxiety about this come out as verbal diarrhoea, whilst others, also unexpectedly, are amazing.
I’m sure you’ll put her right, but it is upsetting when it happens.
take care
ann x
rage away strudel, she has children I take it & related it to her own circumstances in making a thoughtless & judgmental remark & not being there for you.
thinking of you for monday
ann x
Bloody hell Strudel you rage away.
There are just some people, no matter that you love them, always poo poo what you have & they always have got it worse.
I have to admit, I know a lady like that and I was a bit vicious & replied that hers was not a death sentence & she would recover without the fear of it coming back. She hasn’t really spoken to me since, she’s probably telling everyone what a drama queen I am ??
hi Em, well I am a step parent, so maybe I just scrape through ! ?
Thinking of you for Monday, Stru
ann xxx
Hi Strudel
Sorry to hear about your friends’ reaction. I was told that people sometimes just don’t know how to react and can’t cope so try to ignore what is happening to you. I also have a friend for over 30 years, who since the day I told her, never commented and she has not mentioned since, even to ask what the treatment is or anything. At first I was terribly hurt but then realised, because I know she is a good person, just can’t cope. so stay strong and best wishes for tomorrow x
I’m afraid some people will disappoint you and some will surprise you with how understanding and supportive they are and my experience is that it is not always the people you would expect .Having someone close diagnosed with cancer scares the **** out of people and their fear leads them to be insensitive or take a step back .It does not mean they don’t care or are less of a friend they just can’t handle it I’m afraid.Had a really close friend who rang to tell me she had clear routine mammogram just after I was diagnosed ,"phew " great news ,mine wasn’t … cue a few swear words …was p**** off for a while but we are still friends .