General ramble

Hello again. I went to see consultant/surgeon yesterday and was told my MRI showed up another (tiny) mass on the same breast, so had another biopsy and waiting on results of that now. If it turns out to be cancerous too I will be having a mastectomy, if not I will be having a lumpectomy to remove the first tumour. I just feel numb. I’m not even upset anymore, my tears have dried up for now. I feel really calm, but strangely enough this is worrying me! It’s like I’m not even bothered now. To be honest I think I’m still in denial. It doesn’t seem real. I’m even sleeping through the night again after weeks of sleepless nights and I’m back to talking about it matter of factly to anyone that asks me about it. Not really sure why I’m posting. I have to wait till the 16th of April for results and be told (hopefully) a date for surgery. I know from reading many posts some people have longer to wait, everything so far has happened really quick. I just feel like I’m stuck in limbo at the moment. Also, I’ve been told if I do have a mastectomy they will do reconstruction at the same time, a 6 hour op. I’ve only ever been in hospital to have my kids, I find the idea of surgery really scary. I cried like a baby just having biopsies! One more thing, now that I have been to the breast clinic a few times it is hitting home that I am quite young compared to others there. I’m 38.

Hi Doodles

I can still remember the numb feeling. With me it hit at about the time they started talking about the slight chance of needing a double mastectomy rather than ‘just’ one.

I ended up ‘only’ needing one boob off - and I too had recon at the same time.

If you do have to have a mx and they are offering recon at the same time it’s quite important that you know about all the options available and that you are happy with what’s being offered - you’ll be living with your new boob for a long time.

Easier said than done with everything else that’s being thrown at you.

Sending big hugs

Hi Doodles,
So sorry to here that this is dragging on for you. I think the feelings you are describing are totally natural - the only ‘right’ reaction is the one we each have, and that differs from person to person.

Like DJ I had a mastectomy and immediate reconstruction and would concur that you need to be very sure in making this choice. All NHS GGC hospitals use the BCC booklets and the one on reconstruction is really helpful. When I met my plastic surgeon it turned out there was only one option I could have - the LD flap (back muscle) as despite being slightly overweight I didn’t have enugh fat for a DIEP or TRAM (tummy tuck) flap, and as I had to have radiotherapy, she wouldn’t do either of those until after that. I wasn’t convinced I’d ever go back if I waited, so went ahead. I’d never had any surgery before and was petrified of the anaesthetic having had a couple of bad experiences as a child with dental anaesthesia. All went really well, the anaesthetist was a star and made me feel very safe. A year or so on I have a lovely reconstructed boob and am living life to the full (and possibly beyond this week!).

I don’t want to badger you about our Glasgow Gang - and I know I wouldn’t have wanted it in the early days of my treatment cos I’m uber independent - but we are friendly and have all been along a similar road, so if you do ever fancy dropping by, just let us know.

Hi doodles I know how you feel about sleeping, I have beeen the same, usually I dont sleep all night without worry, since this I have slept, I have to wait till weds tosee what they are planning for me, I know how you feel about limbo, and I just randomly cry for no reason, have been really good and positive too, crying is just releasing which is good, take care hun…xxx