Genius says good bye

Public Archive
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Last year, the Nobel Prize winning Colombian writer, Gabrial Garcia Marquez decided to retire from public life due to his battle against terminal lymphatic cancer. He did so by writing a final letter to his friends, a copy of which was circulated via the internet.

I found it moving and thought I’d share it here.

Bright

GENIUS SAYS GOOD BYE FOR GOOD

He says: If God, for a second, forgot what I have become and granted me a little bit more of life, I would use it to the best of my ability. I wouldn’t, possibly, say everything that is in my mind, but I would be more thoughtful of all I say. I would give merit to things not for what they are worth, but for what they mean to express. I would sleep little, I would dream more, because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste sixty seconds of light. I would walk while others stop; I would awake while others sleep. If God would give me a little bit more of life, I would dress in a simple manner, I would place myself in
front of the sun, leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy. To all men I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love. I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves. To old people I would say that death doesn’t arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness.

I have learned so much with you all, I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken and the form used to reach the top of the hill. I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand, his father’s finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life.

I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground. Say always what you feel, not what you think. If I knew that today is the last time that that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul. If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say ‘I love you’. There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you and that I will never forget you.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old. Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn’t wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.

Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them ‘I am sorry’;’ forgive me’,’ please’ ‘thank you’, and all those loving words you know. Nobody will know you for your secret thought. Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them. Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.

For you, With much love,

Your Friend,Gabriel

Garcia Marquez

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I am sorry but although this is reported to be a hoax whoever did say it definitely had an experience he wanted shared.

Absolutely a positive message of living your life with passion and hope.

thank you.

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One of this man’s books, One hundred years of Solitude, is a book I’ve been meaning to read for a long time but without wishing to offend the original (thoughtful and kind) poster I don’t think this forum is the right place for this post. Most of the things mentioned here (whether it’s a hoax or not) are things those of us living with secondary breast cancer are only too painfully aware of.
I don’t think the End of Life forum should be a place for no doubt well meaning posts on how we, with a terminal diagnosis, (this is part of the Living with Secondary Breast Cancer forums) should/could live the rest of our lives. Please be assured I mean this kindly…x.x.

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Belinda,

Somebody I know sent me the letter, a trusted source. I did not think to google and question the authenticity. I have now done so, and can see indeed it is a hoax and from about nine years ago. The letter is obviously doing the rounds (again). However, as Daisy writes it is the sentimemt perhaps rather than the author that counts.

I certainly did not mean to offend. As yet I do not have secondaries, but I fear aches and pains almost daily. My oncologist cannot quite look me in the eye, and my prognosis is not great. Therefore I accept what I see as being the inevitable; it is just a matter of time. How much time, I do not know. However, I did take comfort in the words, skipped over some of the lines which read as obvious. But took in the rest. They have helped me, and it was in that spirit I posted here.

However, if there are strong feelings against… then I could archive it.

Am I alone in feeling as if I exist in this limbo-like state? Simply watching and waiting. Getting on with my life as best as I can with what feels like the sword of Damocles above me. Normally I am level headed. I have stayed working, try to support others, and dare to make short term plans. And what hurts sometimes is to see others I know racing ahead in their careers and making great achievements, whilst I try to contend with this disease.

I often read the secondaries strands. There are so many of you with incredible knowledge and experience of the disease, from which I learn. So that I know what to look out for possibly in the future, as well as what to ask for in the way of information now.

Bright (but feeling not so just now…)

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Hi Bright…and I’m really sorry you are not feeling so bright just now.
Please don’t delete or archive your post…I think I was having a bit of a down day yesterday so probably shouldn’t have posted here. I can really identify your watching and waiting as I’ve been sort of in the same boat as I’ve been living with (bone) mets for nearly 6 years and living pretty well…but I’m also waiting for things to change/get worse and trying not to let that ruin today, this moment.
I think the limbo state can persist at whatever point we are from diagnosis…and that’s hard to live with for all of us…most days I find it more bearable, I hope you do to or you will do soon.
I hope the future will be much (brighter) for you…Belinda…x

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Thank you Belinda.

Some days are better than others. Have been in a very dark place these last few days, various reasons. And I hope you stay stable regarding bone mets. Just out of interest, do you happen to know whether there are many cases of bone mets staying as such, or are you bucking the trend? I.e. does a diagnosis of bone mets usually mean that sooner or later there will be further progression to other sites/organs?

Bright x

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Hi again Bright…a few years ago my Onc told me approx 14% of women with bone mets will not go on to develop soft tissue mets…so the majority of women do go on to develop mets elsewhere. I think/guess I will develop other organ involvement sometime in the future. I was diagnosed with stage 4 from the beginning in 2003 when my hip spontaneously fractured…was in my early 40’s. I had a really succesful hip replacement and have had some really good responses to treatments so far…still have bone mets but no pain and have had long periods, years, of no detectable cancer activity…going through a year of no activity at the moment…thanks to Xeloda. But I’m definitely (I’ve lost so many great friends, forum members over the years) bucking the trend…so far.
It’s so hard living with all this uncertainty isn’t it…? I’ve had a few years of this and I still don’t always manage it well.
Belinda…x

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Hi Belinda,

Yes, very difficult worrying about the uncertainty. I’ve had a strange pain in my elbow this week, and convinced myself it was mets - but currently undergoing rads and told today that it is due to muscle/tendons being stretched on arm where I’ve had axillary clearance. The main issue for me is having had five infected nodes and a 3.5cm tumour, and only being weakly Er+ Her2- - surgeon told me despite treatment the path report put me in group one of three with mostly likely recurrance before five years. I am currently stage 2. A stage 4 diagnosis from the beginning must have been very tough for you. One of the aspects I find hardest to deal with is colleagues quoting the great survival rates for bc, and not entertaining the idea that I may not be in that 75 percent.

Bright x

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Goodness I’m now completely rewriting this post as I think the one I just wrote might upset some.

I’d prefer not to see religious messages on threads. I don’t like assumption of a shared Christian/religious belief.

I have terminal cancer which will probably kill me in less than a year. I have spent a good deal of time mulling on the meaning of my inevitable death…though I am 60 andn 60 is not a bad age…just I was hoping for 85+.

If anything my intellectual belief in that there is no afterlife or God has been strengthened by the time I have had thinking about death. I don’t worry about where I was before I was born so I try not to worry about where I will be after my death…because the answer is nowhere though my ashes will return to the natural world and the memory of me will rest with those who knew me until their own deaths. I like that.

Scard? Yes I am scared of the process of dying, sometimes worry emotionally about being dead…Philip Larkin and John Diamond bring me more solidarity and comfort than flaky religious mantras written by Nobel prize winners or hoaxers.

Jane

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Living with breast cancer has a Prayer section and this post may have been better received there.
We are all different and I for one embrace those differences.
Love Debsxxx

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Brightlight,
You posted it, for the right reasons - and obviously had no intention to offend. The words will undoubtably have a resonance for some people - and not others. That’s the nature of people - we are all different, and as Debs so rightly says - those differences are there to be embraced.

Take care
Love
Lizzie

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Hi Jane…‘‘because the answer is nowhere though my ashes will return to the natural world and the memory of me will rest with those who knew me until their own deaths. I like that.’’…yes me too…x

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Hi Bright…sent you a PM re the elbow pain…x

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I agree with Debs that the original post would be better in the Prayer section.

I too embrace difference but I never post on prayer threads…because I reckon I respect those differnces…perhaps I should start doing so?

Jane

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Looks like there is consenus then, I’ll ask for post to move to Prayers.

But I at least have found this discussion useful. I am not sure to the extent of my own religious belief - having come from a lapsed jewish family. And have never thought to look at Prayers for that reason. There are times now though with this disease that I find myself thinking about where to and if to next, and what’s my life been for and the grand order of things. And with that what kind of service I’d like to mark the end of my time. A clearing in the woods, tall trees around and a humanist reading the words. I am comfortable about going back to nature and my atoms and molecules simly being assimilated into new growth. The carbon and nitrogen etc. I don’t know about my spirit though. I cannot quite see it as simply being some organic structure serving as a sophisticated computer with billions of permutations driving me as to how I act and feel and perceive others and the world. I cannot quite dismiss some intrinsic belief that there must be more to it and me! I feel very definetely me. Though I’m not sure that this necessarily has to be governed by a greater being. And then I stop thinking, because I think what some see as spirit, soul, belief is just unfathomable. How can we know, so therefore what’s the point in trying.

I must admit that when I read Marquis’s letter - what I got most from it was remembering all the things I should do and broad etiquette to live my life by. I saw the reference to god granting extra time - more in the lines of … if I had extra time… this is what I would do with it, and therefore what I should do with the time I’ve got now. I decontextualised the words away from religion in a way. But this was my take, and the words were written with religious sentimemt in mind.

Moderator - can you move this strand to prayers please.

Thanks

Bright

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I have just read the post and I think its context has been misinterpreted. I don’t believe it is meant as a prayer or any relevance to religion as such. It is someone reflecting on his life and any reference to God etc is in a metaphoric sense such as when we say “Oh God” as an exclamation - we don’t literally mean to call on “God” for help!

For what its worth, does it really matter which post it is in? It isn’t in the slightest way offensive and it is relevant to end of life issues, therefore I think there has been a bit of an over-reaction and if we each time we have to ensure what we write on the posts fits in neatly with the topic, surely, the momentum of what we want to say at the time will be lost and valuable thoughts not shared?

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Forgive me for posting on a secondaries site but I think its really ‘good’ this post and I read it with tears in my eyes. It also made me think about how I treat people and how people will remember me.

It does annoy me somewhat that once God is mentioned people react to it. Can’t things be read and then the bits people don’t like just ignored?
I don’t post everytime someone airs a humanist view or a athiest view and object.
We MUST feel free to be able to post when things have helped us.
I don’t think it offends a lot of people just the minority.
I have been on this site for nearly 4 years and this discussion has come up so many times.
I have a strong faith BUT I would not force it on anyone and I do respect others beliefs.

As regards us living fearing a re-occurrence or secondaries, I decided a while ago that I will always live my life ‘fearing’ but NOT letting it determine what i do and how much I enjoy life.

Rx