Hi
I have been diagnosed as having secondaries ( lymph, bones and liver) and my onclogogist said that as the prognosis was poor I need to get " my affairs " in order I am a single person ( with 24 year old daughter) and not so good at finaces and would appreciate any advice about how to go about this - i think i need a financial advisor and then to make a will - but not sure where to start - apart from looking in yellow pages - which feels like a stab in the dark Sorry if this is a bit grim but i think I will be - has anyone any advice about where to start … thank you , Jayne
Hi Jayne
So sorry to hear your news.
What area do you live in, I know of a good financial advisor, but theres no point telling you if you live too far away.
Angela
Hi Angela - Thanks for your reply - I live in Brighton…Jayne
Oh Jayne, I’m really sorry. It must be gut-wrenching to hear those words. I’ve been off the bpards for a while, so am not surel whether you’ve just been given the diagnosis, but I know how frightening it is to learn of a secondary diagnosis (liver & lungs myself). Please don’t apologise for the topic being grim. If you can’t discuss it here, where can you? Unfortunately, it’s a practicality that needs to be addressed. Saying that, I have no idea about how to go about organising this - all I know is that you need a solicitor and need to nominate an executor - but I’m sure that you will get some advice here soon. In the meantime, it may be worth giving Macmillan a call or the helpline at BCC?
xx
Hi Ripley - thanks for your reply- not been given a macmillan nurse yet ( but have been referred) so will follow that up - I was diagnosed september and have had 4 taxol - and some bone stuff - I am hoping this will get me some time - but this other stuff is really niggling at me - mainly because its going to hard enough for my daughter as it is - just want to minimise the practical problem of her being able to afford staying at our home …I always knew i was a bit of a plonker on these issues - but now I have realised the depths of my ignorance!!! Thanks again , Jayne
Hello jaynemh
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis but being told secondaries doesn’t always mean that you have only months to live. They are many people on this site who have secondaries for years. So I don’t know your circumstances but it may not be something you need to rush into immediately but can take some time to sort out.
I have had secondaries for 18 months (had them at original dx) but even though I was told had months to live I am still here.
Hubby and I have updated our wills but that is all I have done reallyy. I know I should get some things done but I think I am putting it off.
A macmilland nurse would probably be very helpful. I havn’t been in contact with one but have been told they are very good
Good luck
Caroline
Hi Jayne
I was diagnosed with secondaries (though just bones) in June and I didn’t have a will sorted out. I went to my financial advisor (someone I’d known for years and trust - I appreciate that it doesn’t sound like you know someone like that, but it would certainly be a good idea to see someone) and he advised me to ensure I sorted out power of attorney as well, which means that if you become incapable of managing your affairs the person you nominate has that power. I guess in your case that would be your daughter. You don’t need a solicitor to make a will, though; there are will writing services out there that charge less. If you do use a solicitor, don’t make them an executor, as there really is no need and they would charge you a percentage of your estate for the privilege. I’ve made my husband my executor. If your finances are relatively straightforward you can easily nominate your daughter. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t then seek advice from a solicitor, but doing it like this would definitely save you (and her!) money.
My financial advisor is a real gem, but unfortunately I live up north in Gateshead so he won’t be able to help you. Creative, and really works hard for his clients. Not all financial advisors are like that - many just take the commission you pay them and do the minimum. I hope you find someone you feel comfortable with because for me it’s been a relief knowing that I’ve someone looking out for my best ‘financial’ interest.
Have you a mortgage? Do you have critical illness/terminal illness cover which means that it could pay the mortgage off? Endowment policies ditto? You might also be able to take pension income early - but I think the expectation would need to be that you have 12 months or less left to live.
If you haven’t already put in a claim for Disability Living Allowance, do so, under the Special Rules - you’ll need your onc to sign a DS1500 form - this basically says that ‘death within 6 months would not be unexpected’, which for any of us ladies with secondaries has to be a possibility.
Do feel free to send me a private message if you want to discuss any of this in more detail - I’ll gladly help, having been going through it recently myself.
Best wishes.
Alison
Hi Jayne
from what I have read you want to make a will and leave things to your daughter- this is really pretty straightforward and will save her alot of hassle.
i would recommend talking to the CAB first rather than a financial advisor - then you can either go to a solicitor or use a will writing service. If you are really clear what you are asking a solicitor to do it can be very reasonable, thats why I might suggest going to the CAB first,
When I was diagnosed with secondaries I updated my will - I was relieved to get it done. It is neccessary because it saves your relatives clearing up later and spending money trying to do that.
CathYx
Hi Jayne,
I was told in May 2004 I had liver and bone secs and onc thought if I had FEC it would give me 6 to 18 mths well it gave me 18mths treatment free and then capecitabine for 2 years and this Feb Tax and avastin until May. I have been on a chemo break but new tumours in liver on rampage again so back on tax. I dont know how much time this will buy me, fingers crossed but who knows? If I ask my onc how much longer he now says he really doesnt know as we all react differently. So dont give up but maybe get busy putting things in order. McMillan should be able to put you in touch with a good local solicitor and advise about death duty etc and ways to avoid paying the government.
I hope your daughter is coping it is so cruel what they have to go through. I have 2 one 26 and one 39. When I was first diag eldest was happily married youngest was still at home. Now eldest is alone and youngest married to a really nice guy, so they have both gone through alot of change as well. It has helped them that I have been totally honest. It just breaks my heart that I have been cheated out of my senior years. Well, sorry I am going off track here. Contact local undertakers and have a chat they will help you arrange your leaving day so you can have it how you want. Once you have got the pratical things out of the way enjoy today and as many tomorrows as you can. Hope you have loads.
Love Debsxxxx
Dear Jayne.At the moment many solicitors have a scheme where they will do your will free if you leave a small bequest to a named charity.One of them is Cancer Research.I opted for a £50 bequest and the will was drawn up after a helpful consultation.If you ring your local firms One,it not all,may be using a similar scheme.
Love from Valx
Hello Jayne
I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis. You are very brave to face up to sorting all this out, some people would definitely avoid it. I hope you continue for many, many months despite this prognosis.
One thing occurred to me: when I was “planning” to throw my first husband out lol one thing I did was to simplify our affiars as much as possible, so maybe you could look at closing off any messy little accounts as a first stage. Also have a look at any insurance you have, even if life insurance which will need to be claimed by other people; it will be helpful for them to have everything together in one folder etc.And lots of good advice given above!!!
take care
Louise x
Hi Jayne,
I am really to hear of your dx.
I would just like to echo what the others have said about getting help from Mcmillian and CAB etc…
there really is no need to pay huge amounts of money to get your affairs in order.
I cashed in my private pension and also a pension from when I had oppted out of serps.
(these were both a nice little bonus and because of them have made a huge difference.
Also they weren’t going to be worth much when I hit retirement)
There will be benifits you can claim like DLA.
I have already done all this and although it seems a bit morbid I felt much better and just get on with
living.
I think everyone should do this, also sort out what they want for funeral as to me its taking responsibility
and not leaving people guessing what you want.
There are ladies on hear that were giving the max of three months to live and are still going strong two year after.
Best wishes
Bikingirl
Hi everyone - just a huge thank you to you all for replying - it is so generous of your time …and with such warmth …it means a lot…
Well this reply is to you all …Caroline, Alison, Cathy, Debs , Val, Louise, Angela and Ripley… I am going to remain hopeful that I have more time - but think I will feel easier when I know I haven’t left a pigs ear of a situation behind ( there’s also suitcase full in loft of all my ramblings and youthful love letters to destroy yet!!!) I have , by moving from London to Brighton got rid of my morgage , which is a very priviledged position but leaves my daughter in a situation that since house more than the £310K before inheritence tax - she will be in a bit of a fix… I think it’s a good idea to close down several fairly micky mouse savings accounts so thanks for that … maybe I should just go out and spend … my daughter thinks I have always been so frugal… and I think she’s right ( she, however is the opposite!)… I’m in an OK situation now but its been very tough at times…although I know how fortunate I am to have a property…I don’t have private health cover or critical illness policy but will look into disability living allowance - although i am still working so maybe thats further down the line?.. CAB is a good idea… and MacMillian too, when I find out where they are…also like the idea of a will for charity donation… so will follow up…so much to do - feeling a bit tired even thinking about it!!! so thank you all again…Jayne x
Hi Biking girl…thanks for your response too …you have reminded me that I have …a small and probably fairly useless pension that I might cash in… thanks - will also take your advice re funeral etc … this is so S*** . stuff to do but … needs must ! Thanks again Jayne x …
Hi Jayne,
I think your more organized than you give yourself credit for!!!
you letters sound a lovely thing to keep for your daughter…
( I throw everything out )
Or even your Granchildren.
So when are you going shoe shopping with you daughter?
Bikinggirl.X
Hi Jayne
Sounds as if you have had lots of very good advice. Just wanted to say about DLA though that you can claim even whilst still working - and can claim under special measures often. I was diagnosed with liver mets 18 months ago, still work 4 days a week but also get DLA as do many other women on this site. MacMillan Nurses are often very helpful when it comes to filling in the paperwork.
I have a little notebook that I jot various things down in when I think of them - from readings I’d like at my funeral, to practical things like which vets we take the cats to!
Take care Kay x
Hi Jayne,
I join with the others in saying don’t give up at this stage. They get it wrong so often as many of the posts above have said. One point I would pick up on is that of DLA - It is not means tested and you can continue to work when receiving it.
Dawn
xxx
Hi, just chipping in here. When I was diagnosed with secondaries I went to see an advisor at the local hospice who looked at benefits etc to make sure I was getting what I was entitled to. She also put me in touch with a solicitor who does work for hospice patients at a much reduced fee and who was able to offer me excellent advice about what to do on issues such as inheritance tax etc. I know that going along to a hospice seems a bit scary, but they have been brilliant for me in terms of advice, reassurance and other services - for example I go to the day hospice once a week for complementary treatments (facials, hand and foot massage, reflexolgoy etc) and they run special days on a regular basis for us day patients.
Deirdre
Hey - Biling girl - now some things are best not seen by anyone…some very immature angst there - but might give them a laugh. I suppoes!!! but think I will splash out this xmas…I’m going to ban the C word ( cancer, that is , not christmas! well, will try to!)
Kay, I think the notebook is a great idea - all the quirks of running the home etc …and most importnant the cat ( sadly …hes in his dotage too)
…And Dawn…will take your advice re time and DLA - if its not mean tested…might as well go for it
Cheers everyone ( although after chemo today it’s a ginger beer for me! Life in the fast lane eh? 8.30 jim jams on, in bed with a ginger beer - I know haw to have a good time! Jaynex
Hi
Me and my hubby did our wills a few months ago, as wanted to make sure it was all down in writing. I have also started my “memory boxes” and stuff but not done these for a while, as not really keen on doing them just yet, as feel so well, but know how quick this can change.
I have also started a file of “my affairs” and the hymns I would like at my funeral, but that is all so far. I was dx July 07 with bc and liver mets at same time. But I am hoping to have many years still to go and see my babies grow up, and am not giving in. But also at the same time, do not want to leave my OH loads of crap to deal with on his own, have enough with the muppets!!!
I also claim DLA, have done since about 5 weeks after my dx, so it is well worth applying for it, it is £113 a week, and also get yourself a bluebadge and car tax paid as well.
Hope you enjoyed your ginger beer, and as everyone says, non of really know how long and the experts cant predict it correctly all the time either.
Not much help I know, rambling again.
Take care
Love
Dawn
xx