Sorry to hear you have been in this emotional rollercoaster too. The last few weeks, actually its probably alot longer than that!, have been a nightmare for me. I don’t think that nasty Tax side effects helped but my oh my have I been a moody so an so!! My poor husband! I have been very snappy and have cried pretty much over everything! Have been uber sensitive to comments - even positive ones which I disagreed with!!! It’s been like having the worst pmt and like you it has not been me at all. I cannot stand been miserable and negative - its against all I believe in!! Nothing made me feel better either. So no you are not alone.
I am glad to say however that my mood has somewhat lifted over the last few days. I think getting spoilt on my birthday helped - although I cried alot over outfits and broken shoes!!! Plus having my last chemo has given me a boost! I can see a flickering light at the end of this crazy tunnel! I think I have to agree with chemo induced menopause! I am having the most shocking hot flushes and night sweats! Good grief! These get followed by bouts of feeling absolutely freezing!! Joyous! At 36 I didn’t think I would be going through that I can tell you!!!
So please do take comfort in that you are not alone in your messed up emotions. I hope you return to yourself very soon.
Hi Lilac. Are you feeling any better? Hope so.
Shell- guessed you must be feeling low after treatment, as no postings. That’s good about Christmas though! My next FEC is on the 13th, so I am hoping that works out ok, timing-wise, to be back ‘on form’ for the festivities. Like you- I’m travelling up north. My brother is doing evereything this year- which, control freak, as I am, I am relieved not to be doing Christmas lunch for 12!
Aaargh! Snow, snow snow. We are meant to moving on the 6th, but am doubting the builders are getting much finished in this weather, and the removal men are going to have a hell of a backlog! Still one thing about breast cancer - it does put these things in perspective!!
Tracey x
At least all of us don’t stand out in this weather. I can’t believe how daft others look in hats and scarves that they are wearing, not because they need to, but out of choice. I feel quite stulish in my colour co-ordinated scarves. I think us ladies should give them some fashion advice!!
Hi everybody
Hope we are all having a good weekend and coping with the weather. Pleased to say I managed to have FEC 5 on Wednesday as my blood count was back up, though did have a long wait for my drugs to come up from the pharmacy to the chemo unit which meant 2 of the nurses working late to see me through to the end of my treatment. I was in tears when I knew I’d have to wait and then again when the nurses told me not to worry, they would give me my treatment however late they had to work - they are wonderful!
Next week I’m having injections every day to boost my cell count so that I shouldn’t have a delay next time. Has anybody else had to have them? I’ve been told I might get achey bones. Apparently you can inject yourself but I don’t fancy that so I’m going to the chemo unit.
Emotions - yes, well, I’ve recently managed to break a kitchen drawer when I couldn’t get a lid off a jar, threw a hissy fit and slammed my cutlery drawer, and on another occasion broke a door knob when I managed to throw half my tea on the floor and took it out on the door! Hmm, definite anger issues there!
I realised my life is getting rather limited yesterday when I found myself looking forward to an episode of Coronation Street every night next week for the 50th anniversary. Don’t think it’s going to be exactly cheering viewing though!
Oh well, on the plus side I’ve got some travel brochures so I can start thinking about a holiday for when all this treatment is finished. I reckon somewhere warm in the spring.
Amanda - the injections aren’t so bad. I have had to inject myself for the last 9 days and do my last one tomorrow. I was a bit worried about doing them myself so got the local practice nurse to do the first one. Easy peasy - and the needle is tiny anyway. I was told about achy bones and possible headaches but I have felt ok until about two days ago. I started to get a bit of back ache and today walking around town my hips were very stiff, but all in all, not as bad as I was expecting.
I’m not sure if it is the injectins or not, but that awful metallic taste I usually suffer with for about a week after Chemo has lingered this time and is really beginning to get me down. Oh how I long to just TASTE something!
I have my Radiotherapy planning appointment next week but hoping not start that until after Christmas.
had a bit of a downer in the week as I rang the Chemo Suite to ask when they would take out my Groshlong line since Chemo is now ended. I was gutted to be told that it’ll stay at least until January as I am still ‘at risk’. Silly me, I thought I could just walk in sometime next week and get it taken out.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Home life here has settled down a bit. Hubby and I have had some very long and serious talks and he has been to speak to the BC Nurses by himself (at his own insistance)which I think may have helped a little. We’ll see.
had my third FEC on Thursday - a week late as white blood cells were too low. So I too am having injections, Julianne, one a day for five days starting day 5. OH has bravely opted for the job. He used to be an environmental Health Inspector and meat inspection used to be part of his duties so he’s not easily put off.
Thanks Karen for reassurance about ease of injection and aches not too bad. Hope the taste is improving for you - not nice is it. Seems to be about 10 days before I can enjoy a cup of tea. Sorry about your line - it’s always disappointing when things don’t go as you’re expecting.
I got very snappy for a couple of days before last chemo - was enjoying feeling good, trying to do too many things before it all started again and cross that would not be able to do much soon (ie now.)
Son just cooked a superb Sunday lunch which I enjoyed a little of.
Best wishes to all who find themselves on this site. Stella
Well done Stella! I know exactly what you mean by being snappy and rushing around whilst feeling good knowing you will feel worse for a while…and even more irritating is that even a good cup of tea tastes weird…
Had 3rd FEC Thurs too so am with you all the way…keep smiling xx
Spent the weekend feeling rough after FEC6 (last one!!) but beginning to feel better at last. Chemo headache lifting so no longer feels like trying to think through fog. Had rads planning on Friday and got so cold, don’t think they know about heating. Had to lie still for about 45 minutes so Karen or anyone else who has this in next few weeks, take extra layers to put on after to help warm up.
Hope everyone is ok and hugs to all
Ali.
x
Hi all
Well done Ali, on the up now! I should be there not long after you, had my final FEC this morning.
White blood cells do bounce back really quickly, my neutrophils especially were down to 0.6 last week, but today had gone back up to 2.3, nearly at the starting point before chemo 1 when they were 2.65.
I don’t really feel any different for it though, I thought I would. I fully expected them to say that they were still down because I felt the same as the week before.
Ali - when do you start your rads? I have my planning session this coming Friday but really, really want to delay starting until after Christmas.
I just want some normality in my life for a couple of weeks and I think it will ease the tension here for a little while if our lives are not ruled by this bloody thing!
Hope everyone is doing well.
Karen x
Rusty - fab that you have had your final FEC. How do you feel? I felt relieved once that cannula came out - I thought great in two weeks after recovery from side effects then thats it! I know I have rads to go through and herceptin but at least I won’t have to feel so awful for those. I have a hideous cold at the moment which mixed with chemo side effects ain’t to good!! Still I know that by the end of this week I should start to feel more like me!! Hope the next couple of weeks are not too hideous for you and you can enjoy xmas.
Karen - I have my planning session next Wednesday. So I guess I’ll be starting 2011 getting zapped!! A bit apprehensive about it cuz its another step into the unknown but I think rads will be a breeze compared to chemo. I too was hoping for some normality over the xmas period so I could catch up with family and enjoy the festivities, but the week after xmas I have 3 hospital appointments!! Can you believe that!! All in different hospitals too. Jeez! Herceptin, echo and a gynae appt which I had forgotten about in the grand scheme of things!! Honestly. Could do with not going near a hospital for a while - getting a bit bored of being a patient!! I hope you have a fab xmas and you get some of that normality back into your life.
Karen, Ali and Rusty - congrats on getting through chemo! Not far behind you myself - last one on 15 Dec. Been to see a cancer counsellor a few times now and it’s really helping me to get things more in perspective. Just saying things out loud, no matter how silly they seem, is helping.
Dancing girl - you gave me a good laugh with your comment about meat inspection!
Hi Karen, sorry I missed your earlier post, but i wanted to say that i am glad things are better at home. The bc nurses are all so sensible and down to earth I am sure that it will help to talk to one of them. Here’s hoping for a mellow Christmas!
I’ve got my oncologist appointment on 21st to discuss rads and was told that it would be in the new year. They told me that delaying till after Christmas was no problem, treatment wise. But now with the delayed final FEC the 4 th January is still only 4 weeks after the last chemo and your body has to recover first. I really want to be able to start thinking about getting back to normal now, talking to work about when I might go back etc and still up in the air. When was your last chemo? Only a week or two ago?
X rusty
Ps feel ok at the moment Lilac, thanks. Might even manage some supper. Better than last time, so far, if that isn’t tempting fate!
well done to all of you who have just finished chemo, the end still seems a long way off for me.
Managed to get my car out the drive today to get my bloods done (the snow is still bad here!).My 3rd FEC is on Thursday and I am dreading it as they are having to keep me in this time as i have had to be admitted after the last 2. At least I should be alright for Christmas though, which is just as well as I am cooking dinner for twelve.
I am off out tonight to enjoy a good meal and drink while I can.
Good luck to everyone else having treatment this week.
Hi All
Karen my rads start 20th Dec which is at the borderline of 3 weeks past last chemo, but they are only going ahead as I have said I can go in on the bank holidays between xmas and new year. Onc. told me that they don’t like to have a 4 day break, 3 max. As i live 5 mins drive from hospital it is easy for me to go in and they don’t have many takers so were happy for me to go ahead. Also knowing the hosptial parking as I do it will be easy to get parked then as well so it suits me to go ahead. If you would rather leave it until after new year then just say so, I got the impression that they expect this and after all you will only be exercising the patient choice the government keeps going on about. So pleased that home is easier and outlook is brighter for xmas.
Lilac - glad the counselling is helping, good vibes for next week, last one, yeah!!!
Rusty - feels strange to be talking about return to work, how are you feeling about it? Thought I would be eager to get back asap but now have worries about fitting back in, longest I’ve ever been off before is 2 weeks.
Julie - enjoy your evening out.
Just bought a new xams tree as the old one was definetly looking a bit threadbare and so me and YD are going to open a bottle of something pink and fizzy and decorate it this evening. So great to be doing something fun together.
Hugs and kind thoughts to all
Ali.
x
Julie - Christmas dinner for 12! I hope that was your choice, it will only be two weeks since chemo, you are very brave, but then you know more or less how you will feel by now. It is amazing the difference between what some people can or want to do. I have no intention of lifting a finger for Christmas dinner, and happy to get away with it for once! Usually even if I go to the family I am in there peeling and stirring etc.
I saw a lady yesterday, finished chemo in the summer. Ok she is older than me and retired, kids left home etc, but she took it really easy. Apparently her friends came round regularly and did ironing, hoovering and brought her meals even. She had a nap every afternoon and didn’t drive for six months! My OH has done more cooking and more ferrying round of children, but other than that I have carried on all the jobs at home. Just not managed work, I do admire those who carry on more or less normal work (but don’t know how they can)
Good for you - I hope that they are good guests prepared to muck in.
Ali - not sure yet how I feel about work. Seems a way off still, so not real. Tree decorating sounds fun. I am getting ours next weekend and that will be the start of Christmas for me, mince pies, wrapping presents (if I ever get round to buying any!) Enjoy something normal with YD!
X
Rusty
Rusty - last Chemo was 25th Nov, almost two weeks ago. Went back into work on Monday, I only have a week off each cycle but the last two treatments I chose to go onto a reduced timetable and go home at 2pm each day. I’m usually fast asleep by 3pm!
Work have been great and just left it to me to call the shots really. I had a fabulous letter from the Headteacher telling me how inspired he was by me and how the students have also been inspired by my ‘determination and resilience’ and how impressed he was with my energy and commitment and how the students have seen firsthand how an individual can cope so positively with such a serious setback in their life. OMG! if he only knew sometimes!! It was nice to receive though.
I’m feeling more positive about going on Friday and asking about delaying rads until after Christmas. I was beginning to feel that I’d end up agreeeing with whatever they said, but I’m going to go in with my assertive head on.
It’s definately a nice feeling that I won’t have any more Chemo (hopefully) and that I won’t have to experience the SE’s I did - even though I know they were nothing like many of you had.
Yes, home life has improved. Hubby has been talking to the BC nurses and a lot more to me about how he has been feeling about all of this. I suppose time will tell but like I said in an earlier post, I’ve learnt I haven’t got time to play games and what will be will be. I’m out to enjoy life from now on. Those around me can come along for the ride or get off at the next stop!
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Karen
Hi everyone
Karen loving your attitude I said the same to my hubbie after all this is over I will be buying a vw campervan and any chance I get I will take the kids away and hubbie if not at work! I feel they’ve had a very neglected year.
It’s great to hear a few of you are finishing your chemo, it makes the ones of us who gave a few more to go, see that the light at the end of the tunnel is coming !Karen I did ask for 2 weeks off at Xmas and they said yes I know I’ve put my self back but Xmas will be all good.
We’re fancying a campervan too. We camp and caravan anyway, so know we like that sort of lifestyle. I’m sure your children will love it.
Have you got three chemos left to go? When have you delayed your next one until? My next chemo - the first TAX is 23rd Dec, so we are having our celebration with other family members - 11 in all, on the Sunday before. I don’t have young children though and if I did I would have had to delay things by at least a week - don’t think they’d understand not having Christmas at Christmas. Enjoy the break.