Hi,I need write this down as I couldn’t believe it…I am recovering from mx four weeks ago and went to the doctors today as my sick note ran out. My bc nurse suggested I wait until I’ve seen the oncologist next week before I go back to work. I also had the devistating news last week that my dad has lung cancer after being ill with what we thought was just a chest infection. My doctor signed me off till next week. I phoned my boss to update him and he said he was sorry to hear about my dad but at least my situation was now over!! I was so taken aback I didn’t know quite what to say…I just mumbled about probably needing chemo and further surgery -to my other boob-which i’d told him about before my operation…I now think he is just expecting me to go back to work and not need any further time off as if nothings happened…I really can’t deal with this c&ap right now…wax xx
Hello Wax,
Unfortunately there are a lot of people ‘out there’ who do not understand Breast Cancer and the impact it has on your life when you are in the early stages of treatment and for months/years later. Whether the person is naive, unsympathetic or possibly lacks compassion, it still hurts when someone thinks BC is like having a tooth out at the dentist!!!
Breast Cancer Research and Breast Cancer charities have done a FANTASTIC job significantly increasing survival rates and improving treatments. This is extremely positive news, however, the fact that high survival rates are promoted in campaigns has lead to ‘Joe Bloggs’ in the street believing it is a ‘walk in the park’ because more women are surviving.
I know I am being sexist but I wonder if some men would have more empathy if they had to go through something similar. How would they feel if they had to have their vegetables crushed flat in a X-ray machine, be injected with a biopsy core-cut needle, have a vegetable removed or have it cooked beyond Gas Mark 7 with blasts of radiotherapy. Couldn’t see them rushing back to work especially if they believe in Man Flu.
Remember, it is your decision when you feel ready to go back to work because BC takes time to adjust to both physically and emotionally.
Good luck with your journey.
M x
PS. Sending best wishes and good luck to your Dad too!!!
Thank you …I needed to know I wasn’t just being too over sensitive…and your completely right comments like this makes a mockery of what we have to go through now and for the forseeable future…unfortunately my dads cancer is fairly extensive and the prognosis is poor…but I’m keeping everything crossed…thank you for your kind wishes means a lot xx
Hi Wax
I don’t think you are being over sensitive. These bosses are bang out of order making comments like that. You know how you feel and don’t feel pressurized into making any hasty decisions. Thinking and wishing you and your Dad all the best. Take Care.
Angie. X
I think it’s really difficult for people who haven’t experienced cancer to understand that it’s not a standard ‘treat it and it’s all over’ type of illness. My partner certainly took a while to understand this, but is there now. My boss too struggles with understanding that I’m not ‘over it’ (I’ve just finished 15 sessions of rads after WLE and SNB) and people saying ‘you look well’ when you feel in pieces inside grates too. My boss is a nice guy, it’s just he doesn’t understand and people mean it as encouragement when they say you look well but it doesn’t always land right when you’re feeling anything but well! My best was a female colleague saying ‘well breast cancer is like having tooth ache these days if you get it early’ and I think she knew from the look on my face that she’d put her foot in it! I guess the best to do is hope that the person is speaking from lack of understanding and that’s understandable for all of us - I had no idea what this would be like!
Wax, so sorry you’ve also got to deal with your Dad’s illness as well. As for work, make sure you do what you need to do to for your own recovery and don’t forget to use people like the OHA if you have one - mine was very helpful in making clear that the op wasn’t the end of things.
Yes hubby is helpful, He has had comments made where he works that he was astounded at and has happily put people right , again he too overdid the keep positive mode at the beginning but once he fully understood how
I felt sort of knew what I needed to hear. I have been to see dad today , cried buckets when I left because I didn’t know how to pick him out of the dark mood he’s in…Out of everyone I should know what to say !!! But at 81 he just seems to have given up and is so frail after having his lungs drained…Think I’m holding back as I am scared in case I break down in front of him…It’s all so unfair…