well its been ages since I’ve been on here but I’m back with yet another quandry I need help with! I have been off work since I was diagnosed back in March and I am due to return on a part-time basis sometime mid Jan.
To be honest I am becomming increasingly anxious and nervous about returning to work. Is this quite normal and only to be expected?? Although the bulk of my treatment is now complete I am starting Herceptin on Jan 3rd and this is due to last 12 months. It almost feels as though my life is moving forwards and yet my mind doesn’t feel ready. Does that make any sense at all? I feel as though going back to work will help me regain some sense of ‘normality’. The trouble is I’m not sure that I’m ready as I know things will never be the same again.
For the past 9 months my life has revolved around hospital trips/appts/treatments and now things feel really weird. Going back to work will give me something to occupy my mind but I feel really nervous about it all. I know I have to take the plunge at some point but it just worries me.
As per usual and advice or help would be very much appreciated,
I think you will surprise yourself when you go back, in a nice way though! I have continued to work part time through my treatment (half way through chemo) and I will be having herceptin too for the next 12 months. I love the fact that I can go into my office in Wolverhampton when I feel like it just to have some kind of ‘normality’. The people I work with have been so supportive and even if I just sit at my desk and stare at my screen its some sort of distraction that I value.
What do you do? Is your job very physical? I think sometimes the anticipation is harder to deal with than actually going back itself. When I went in after my surgery everyone asked me LOADS of questions and that was hard to deal with but after that initial first few days it was just normal office banter.
Welcome back! Glad the move went ok and you are in your new house for Christmas.
I’m in the same boat as you. I’ve been off work since November 2006 and am due to return on a phased return at the end of January. The thought of going back makes me feel sick and I don’t know why. I’ve been into the office a couple of times and it has been fine, but actually returning to work there is quite a daunting prospect - weird isn’t it. It will be like being the new girl (girl, hark at me, I’m 47 lol) all over again and I just want to slink back in without people saying ‘Julie’s back’ and making a big fuss. If you think about it, being diagnosed with breast cancer, having surgery, going through chemo and rads is a lot more scary than just going back to work and we’ve done all that and come out the other side, so we should be able to do it. Come on girl, we’re strong - if you do it, so will I. If you let me know the date you’re returning I’ll ‘hold your hand’ and you can do the same for me. Just think to yourself ‘Julie’s with me’.
ha you are psychic!! I am sat at my desk at work, freaking out a little, and was just about to post and you beat me to it! I really hope you’re well and house is lovely. Have been wondering how you’ve been as we started all this grimness at about same time.
well…I am working about 2 days a week now. The first day I love, by the second I am feeling a little wobbly and unsure of myself. Am sat here now not really sure what I’m meant to be doing as everyone is being so incredibly nice to me they are not giving me any work to do!!
I love my job, and was quite obsessive about it when I was diagnosed so it is very strange for me to come back after all this with work not as a mega priority. But I will want to be good at it and am feel that I am really lacking in confidence after everything we’ve had to face.
But! On a good note it is so lovely to see everyone again and to feel a bit normal - although with a pretty extreme haircut!! Also when I’m here I think about it all a little less. I think it will get easier but definitely be kind to yourself, take your time. Emotionally and physically we’ve had a real hammering and you must be your number 1 priority
First of all, congratulations. You have come through the treatment and moving on with your life.
I understand how you feel 100%. I go back to work on the 7th January after being off for 6 months. I panicked so much about returning to work that I applied for and got another job! I am now worried that I am making a mistake but deep down, I need to make changes to my working life and move on. I will be having a phased return whilst working my notice and start full time in my new post at the end of February. I am concerned as I feel exhausted at the moment (physically and emotionally) and not sure how I will cope. I will continue posting on here as forum members have become part of my life and demonstrate great courage, strength and support.
I wish you well. Take it easy and remember that you are number 1 not the job.
Kelly
I am going back at a very similar time and I also feel very apprehensive. I met up with the team for Christmas lunch yesterday and was amazed because there were a lot of new faces. It feels really odd as I haven’t recruited them and yet soon I will be managing them all! I do want to go back but my confidence has been knocked for six and I just hope that it won’t take too long to regain that.
I have just had my second Herceptin and it really isn’t a problem - apart from the usual hunt the vein game.
Hi Kelly, I felt exactly the same as you. I loved my job but didn,t want to go back. I think I felt safe whilst I was at home and committing myself to work was too far out of comfort zone. Pleased to say that it was brilliant and was the best thing for me. I have had 7 herceptins now and although tired I can cope with my job as only 25 hours. I still have the dithers every so often but going back to work is a bit of normality. Don’t overdo it and good luck with your hercpetin love Eileen
When it was time for me to go back to work after my mastectomy, I was really scared too. For the first little while I’d get cross cos I forgot the most basic of things I’d been doing for the past 3 years and I was so tired. But it didn’t take long to get back into the swing of things. Be kind to you and don’t expect too much of yourself. It will come in time.
I totally understand how you are feeling. I went back for 6 weeks towards the end of my chemo in between chemos. Was really nervous about it but glad I did it and everyone was brill. I am now off again having had mastectomy and dont know when I am going back. Know I will be nervous again as I am sure I will think everyone will be looking at my ‘boob’!!
It was good having something else to occupy my mind and when I go back next time it will be rehab working up to full time again - yeuch!!
It is difficult but I am sure you will be ok - as usual- its the thinking about something thats worse than the actual event!
Hey Kelly
I think you are having entirely normal thoughts/anticipation. I am a bit behind you with radio not starting until Feb, but am thinking a lot about going back to work. I was out with work people last night and my overwhelming feeling was how everything is so the same for everyone. That is quite nice to go along with but I know that part of me deep inside could easily have yelled “very good, but don’t you know how different I feel?!! My world has changed for ever!”. I think the way forward must be to work towards being that normal/as you were person at work and finding a way of dealing with the other stuff outside work. They just want to know you are ok and back to the way you were.
I also think the anticipation may be worse than the reality. It must be a good thing to have the focus of work again.
Great to hear from you and hope you are well. Good that you are in your new house for Christmas. I went back to work in July on a phased return after being off for 11 months. I work in a secondary school office (Scotland) so the children were on holiday when I went back, which was one thing less to deal with. I work during the school holidays and take my holidays at other times during the year.
I really enjoy my job and felt ready to return to work. I said at first that I would never get too engrossed in my job again but as time goes on I find myself falling into old habits! I enjoy being back and having the usual laugh and joke with my colleagues.
You need a sense of humour to work in a school.
What I would say is still listen to your body telling you when it is time to slow down and take a rest.
I took a break in September and went on a girls (not quite the right description!) trip to Dublin and thoroughly enjoyed it.
I finished yesterday until the 7 January and really feel ready for the break, both mentally and physically, so I’m really looking forward to taking it easy.
Hi All,
I too have been off since April, and am returning in January. Has anyone got any advice about how to do a phased return, ie how much can you cope with in the first week? going in on one day, two days? How many hours at a time can you concentrate for?! etc. I’m having to plan my own phased return as Occ Health won’t see me til January and my boss won’t plan until Occ Health have given some guidelines. I’ve decided to just plan it myself and present it to them! But I have no idea what I’ll be able to cope with. I was thinking maybe go in for a couple of hours on two days at first, but do i carry that on for a few weeks or build it up quicker?
It’s not the physical side, although i do get v tired v suddenly. It’s more the mental concentration, and the emotional side. Will I be in tears all the time?
Any advice from anyone who’s been there greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Jacquie
I restarted my job just over a week ago after 9 months off. I was dreading going in purely for the stares etc - theres 2000 people working in the building but on the day I started I surprised myself as i had no nerves whatsoever and enjoyed myself. I wore no scarf or wig - my hair is VERY short and I didn’t have a care in the world.
what I would say is that i didn’t realise how tired it makes me - at the momeont I amfoing 4 hours a day and I then need to come home for my afternoon nap. it was great seeing my friends
Hi everyone.
I went back to work at the begining of september, having being dx in jan this year and had a lumpectomy in feb followed by 15 rads.
i went back phased, and after 3 months i’m now back full time. It does feel great to back in the swing of things and i feel that i am now nearly back to my old self than i was in september. i found it quite hard at first, just remembering peoples names, who does what, how to log on the different computer systems at work!!! and i went into a new role on my return to work as well!! which is good as its really interesting but does not put me so much at risk as my other role, what with the risk of lymphodeaoma.
You will be fine, just take things easy, and listen to your body. If you need a day off, then take it and give yourself time to relax and get back into everything.
you may find, like i did, that work is not half as stressful or important as it was when you first went off. i found that work has taken its place as just that, work… which i enjoy, but there are so many more important things in life than that.
i used to do loads of overtime, and really thought i needed the money. afater being off for 8 months, and on a basic wage, no overtime, i come to realise that i’d rather have the time at home, and less money!!!
keep your chin up girl, we are survivors.
x
Many thanks for all you lovely messages of support and advice. As ever, it is very reassurring to know that the way I am feeling is actually quite ‘normal’. I now feel a lot less anxious about returning to work.
Julie - I am an instructor in the RAF and am planning on going back around Jan 15th. I think I shall start with 2 half days a week for a couple of weeks and see how it goes. We can swap notes!! I hope all goes well when you return too, be sure to let me know how you get on.
Kelyn, lizalou & co - its great to hear from you all and thanks very much for all your best wishes re our house move. It was chaos but we gor there in the end and are now very excited about spending christmas in our lovely new home.
Take care all, wishing you all a very merry christmas and an awesome new year,
I have returned to work on a phased return too. Don’t be affraid to re-access your working conditions and your ability to cope. I have a great boss, I’m very lucky. Have been back since sept after having 11 mths off. Working two very full days, no time for a lunch break and finishing late. Lots of pain from arimidex so approached my boss and he has reduced my hours again, taking 2 hrs off my 2nd day.
Just wanted to let you know that if need be, you can take a step back in order to move forward.
Glad to hear you have got through the treatment - I think we came on line about the same time. Like you I am due start work very soon, in about 10days (assuming HR and occupational health get their act together) and feel really nervous. So thank you for posting this and all you ladies who have posted. It has helped me.
hello all well ive been out of work since feb 2006, and despratly want to go back to work but now have the dreaded lymphoedemia, as i work in retail my doc dosnt think i will cope with the heavy lifting of stock required, im wanting to get back to some sort of normality as sitting at home is driving me stir crazy, when i go into the shop everyone is friendly but i feel like the new girl as so much has changed and there is a new boss as well. hopefully ill be able to return to something this year but maybe not what i was doing before, im 57 so not really going to be taken on anywhere else at my age, they want young things who dont cost them so much in wages ,i feel like ive come through so much and now feel redundant despite all my qualifcations. still one thing is im so grateful to be alive and resonably well thay really work is not priority now . much love to all who are facing the same. xx
Woohooo I start my new job soon…well when they decide where the office is going to be lol…good luck princess youll be fine…im ex RAF, so im sure the guys and gals will look after you. Whereabouts are you an instructor am being nosey now lol…have found some interesting legislation for the military you might be interested in…go through the british legion…aaaand for serving and ex-serving personnel any sickness, illness, death post 2005 you are entitled to a war pension/compensation from the military. Mine has got as far as going up in front of the medical board…just got to wait and see where and when im going to get poked and prodded. I worked on radars so was exposed to a fair amount of radiation and the doc has confirmed that the growth rate of my lump puts me at working on a radar…so it couldve been that…or it couldve just been one of those things that happens…but nobody can say for certain. My lump shouldve been picked up at my discharge medical but the doc wanted to save time and do my discharge and six week post natal check at the same time…instead of me coming in 4 months later to do my discharge medical…so methinks the RAF have gone oooops. But we shall see.
thanks for your post, I found it really interesting. I’ll certainly be checking out the British Legion’s website, thanks for the tip-off.
I hope all goes well for you and you get a decent payout, fingers crossed! Sounds like the RAF have made some right boo-boo’s!!
I know everyone at work will be really great but I’m still nervous about putting on the uniform again. Oh well, giess I do have to get back to ‘normality’ as much as possible sooner rather than later. I’ll let you know how I get on!
