got my second appointment at the breast clinic on thursday to discuss results of core biopsy and needle biopsy on enlarged nodes.
Just disoverred that my husband has arranged a round of golf for the morning, so i will be by myself before we go to see what is what.
i am really upset, it is not a good time to be alone. Is it my fault for being too brave and not freeking out about the result, so he thought I was ok. Am i being unreasonable and expecting him to be physcic and knowing that although i have been fine about the waiting for the appointment, that when i wake up on the day it is going to be a big thing and I need him there.
or am i being a big baby.
hiya oldandlumpy, no your not being a big baby. u need all the support you can get through this difficult time. just talk to him. i know what im like when it comes to results day im A WRECK totally…he can play golf any time but i really think you should have him there.
no its not a good time to be alone. i was so pleased my sister was there with me i couldnt of coped. (my husband didnt come because i said aww it will be just a fatty lump famous last words)…hope it goes ok huni thinking of ya take care xxxx
No, you’re not being a baby. If you feel you need the company, then tell him. They’re not mind-readers and sometimes aren’t so good at reading the signals so he may well have booked the golf specifically to give you a bit of space, thinking that’s what you would want.
But not everyone does want the company. I went for a loooong walk on the common on my own with OH’s dog on the day of my big results, talked to myself (and the dog, of course, but she was just interested in her ball), yelled, laughed, cried, all in the peaceful solitude a big open air space. That worked for me, but sometimes you just need to have someone there, even if they’re just pottering around and not fussing or constantly asking how you are. Human company, kind of thing.
Fingers crossed it will all be a storm in a teacup.
CM
x
Hi OandL, We do expect them to be mind readers and sadly, men are just not made this way. They seem to need telling and then will ‘do exactly what is said on the tin’. I wonder if your OH would be mortified to find out he had got this so wrong. I tend to explain how i feel to my OH rarher that wade in with the ‘how can you play golf, you will have to cancel!!’. “I am really suprised how hard i am funding xxx” worked for me last time!!
Good luck nd let us know how it goes!
Sadie Xx
Oh OandL - it’s so hard communicating with OH isn’t it; we put on this brave face and they don’t know the truth… I always take my husband with me on result appts even though he hates to miss out on some work - I’ve had to realise that I have to prioritise myself sometimes and that does not come easy as it makes me feel weak when I’m trying to be strong. I’d definitely explain this to him - you need someone else there to hear what the medics say as in emotional state we don’t always hear and remember or feel able to ask questions and my OH and I share asking the questions since there are usually many to ask and it feels easier to have two of us doing this and interacting with medics.
Hope you feel ok to sort this out - it’s not about being weak, it’s about acknowledging how challenging this situation is and that you now feel you need support whereas initially you’d hoped you’d be ok by yourself.
Thinking of you - his golf can wait and his golf friends need to know he’s coping with this as much as you and sometimes men don’t share family traumas but my OH has found it really important to do this about BC.
Fran
well last night after our guests had gone to bed I told him how I felt. He had no idea I might need him here. His answer was that last week when the appointment was in the morning he cancelled his golf without a second thought. This week, as the appointment was in the afternoon he rearranged to play earlier so that he would be back for it.
When I examined how I really feel, it is not so much that I want company, it more that I wanted him to think that i might and ask me before just booking to be out.
As everybody here says–they are not mind readers.
I have told him not to cancel at such short notice. It is better for him to be out on a golf course with his freinds than hanging around here wondering what he can do. He must be concerned about the meeting too.
we have a meal booked at my favorite resturant tomorrow evening to either celebrate it all being a storm in a tea cup or to plan what is happening next about holidays, my drumming, his trips abroad etc.
OAL, glad you managed to clear things up with your OH. It looks like he was trying very hard to be a mindreader and got it wrong, poor thing!
Our partners do have a hard job of this - you know yourself it’s pretty impossible for a partner to keep up with us at the best of times, but our emotions go all over the place in the middle of cancer questions, so it’s no wonder he got it wrong.
I saw your plans for a nice meal out, I think that’s a brilliant way to handle it, and I hope you eat until you’re stuffed and don’t skimp on the puddings!