Dear All,
I’m sorry to bore you with my woes, as if you don’t all have enough of your own, but really couldn’t think of anyone else to offload, who will have some understanding of where I’m coming from.
I’m sorry if I sound stupid, but I’ve just come home from a crap day at work and feel really upset.
Since DX etc, I’ve really suffered with anxiety, get muddled(foggy brain), massive lack of confidence, a shadow of the person before really.
Anyway, I’ve just had someone be so awful to me on the phone about a problem I 've been trying to sort. I just feel that I shouldn’t have let her get to me, should have handled the situation better, etc. I now feel so useless, total crap, and my manager gets back from holiday tomorrow and this is going to have to be sorted out with her tomorrow. She will be cross that I haven’t sorted it out properly, I can’t even think straight which hasn’t helped as I find myself getting so muddled. I feel so stupid, because 6 years ago(when all my crap statred) this would have been a piece of cake for me to sort out, not the patheteic person I’ve allowed myself to come.
Worse still, I even burst into tears in front of someone who only started there yesterday- how pathetic is that!
I’ve been working here for a year and no-one knows about my breast cancer hx(bilateral mx, lymphodema, post op pe, won’t bore you with the rest).Previous manager did, and I was treated so badly I left, and so I thought I’d keep it quiet from this one.
Thing is, last August I had to have an MRI scan due to hip and back pain. This was OK, but because it continued I was sent for a bone scan, which I had in NOv 2009. They lost the results, and whilst waiting for them I then found a lump over scar site, so then had to have 2 ultrasounds. Found my results finally, and thank god, OK. But it’s really shaken me up. (my manager doesn’t know any of this).
I just feel I want to run away from the job, but know thats not the answer. Just feel that I won’t be able to do any type of job
at all. Can’t cope. Also , my son is undergoing investigations for Autism, just to put the cherry on the cake!!
Right, what do I do about all of this? Do you think my manager should know my history, because if I say something, won’t that look like I’m making up an excuse for being so crap at my job?
OOhh, don’t know what to do.Please help.
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