Got the news today. how do you tell the kids?

Got the news today it’s ductal cancer ( not dcis) booked for guidewire wide local exclusion and sentinel lymph node removal on 20/8 followed by radiotherapy I didn’t want to ask for grading or any other questions but consultant said its 2cm slow growing and curable? Trying to not look too far ahead and of course stop googling! My biggest fear is telling my 3 boys I so want to protect them and don’t want this to affect them in any way. I’d be pleased to hear others thoughts and experiences on how and when to tell family my boys are 17 , 23 and 28 but eldest has a disability and won’t understand so won’t tell him.
So glad of this website right now x

Hi, I have recently been diagnosed with infiltrative ducktail carcinoma on the 4th July. I found the only way to tell your children is to just sit them down and do it. I have two daughters aged 24 and 26. I found out on the Friday night and just asked them to sit down on the Saturday and blurted it out almost. There were tears and hugs and worried looks but although it was the hardest thing to do, I felt strangely relieved for it to be out in the open. We all went down to Costa Coffee after the tears in an attempt to lift the emotion and to give them a feeling that this was something we could all get through together. Every family is different but my girls first question to me was why didn’t you tell us when you found the lump? Honesty and openness and keeping nothing back seems to work for me and my girls. I wish you all the best.

Hi Shelsy


I’m sorry to read of your diagnosis, the first few days and weeks are always difficult when coming to terms with things and getting to grips with your treatment plans, etc.

As well as the support you are receiving on the forums you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack. It has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-

Also, do give the helpline a ring if you need any further support or information. They’re on 0808 800 6000. Open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 10-2 Saturday.

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

I was in the same position with lobular cancer and go for operation on the 20 th August, my son is 17 and told him from the beginning regarding regular mammogram etc. When I got the news he hugged me and cried and also agreed with my mastectomy decision.

We both are positive and honest to each other, just tell them everything you need to go through and you’ll be surprised how strong and supportive they will be. He is even choosing wigs if I need to have chemo, wish you well with your operation.

Thanks all for your replies,it’s been a while since I posted and I have told the boys and those that “need to know” it wasn’t half as bad as I’d expected and actually put it into context for me because I realised that I had been concentrating on coming to terms with dying! Rather than coming to terms with having breast cancer and assumed that everyone I told would assume the same!! I’ve since had my WLE and sentinel node biopsy and am awaiting results (the hard bit) but am in a very different place psychologically than I was at first and want everyone else newly diagnosed to know that the terror you feel at first does pass .
right now I’m taking things one day at a time which after all is all anyone can ever do … Thank you all for being there xxxx

Hi Shelsy I bet you feel so much better now that is over, I had a mastectomy and 3 lymph nodes removed on the 20th Aug. I was strange to say the least but I am already able to lift my arm above my head and down’t have any stiffness, has yourself I’m waiting for results which I get on the 5th Sept. I really feel positive at the moment and my plan is to treat each step through this as a challenge, they have said chemo, Herceptin and hormone therapy.
Still haven’t decided on wigs yet but my BCN is absolutely a real gem, she told me to leave all the arrangements to her and she would guide me through it all. I hope you have some positive news soon and keep chatting on the forum, don’t forget we are all new to this. Once I get my results I’ll post with my next challenge but in the meantime its my daily walk time.
Take care Lynne x