Hello all you wonderful people who are currently going through this or have been through this. I am 39 year old mum of 2 who was diagnosed this week with a 12mm grade 3 IDC with at least 1 lymph node involved (it looked abnormal on ultrasound and biopsied). I haven’t had my receptors back yet and I am feeling terrified of what is to come. I have no family history of cancer, I have non of the risk factors and yet here I am, this is not the lottery I wanted to win. It’s the waiting around and not knowing, thinking the worst, thinking it must have spread surely from the lymph node to my liver. Now worried about every stiffness in my back (even though I know it’s because I sit at a desk on a bad chair!). Consultant was talking about ‘curative treatment’ as its small with chemo, surgery, all lymph nodes removed and radiotherapy, but surely they can’t say that without know in the staging or imaging, I just seem to be setting myself up for the worst. I feel ok during the day as work keeps me busy but at night I can’t sleep and not eating, just spiralling about what could go wrong.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 
I’m 38 and was diagnosed very recently too, so I completely understand the spiralling and convincing yourself that every little ache means it’s spread. I did exactly the same before my staging CT.
My cancer is actually larger than yours and grade 3, and my CT thankfully came back clear. I’m also still waiting for my HER2 result and will be having chemo first, so I really do understand how awful all this waiting and uncertainty is.
Please try to hold onto the fact that lymph node involvement absolutely doesn’t automatically mean it has spread elsewhere. It can still be very much treatable with curative intent, which is why your consultant is already talking to you about treatment aimed at curing you.
The waiting has honestly been the hardest part for me so far because your mind fills in all the blanks with the worst possible outcome. Take it one result at a time and try to hold onto what you actually know right now rather than all the “what ifs” — although I know that’s so much easier said than done!
Sending you a massive hug. You’re not alone xxx
Thanks @findingmyway38 , it means so much that you messaged as you are the same boat as me. I am so pleased your CT came back clear, that must have been such a weight off your shoulders. I haven’t been waiting that long but like you said it’s agony when you don’t know. I think I just need to take a breath and remember that the consultant was talking positively (I think, it all seems a blur!). Maybe I should stay off late night google!!
I completely understand I have 3 young children too, which makes all the “what ifs” so much harder. I was honestly in exactly the same boat as you only a week ago, terrified about what my CT might show and convincing myself of the worst.
Getting the clear CT was such a relief. Definitely hold onto the fact your consultant is talking about curative treatment — that’s really positive. And yes, stay away from late-night Google… I need to take my own advice on that one too 
Sending you a big hug xx
Huge hugs back!! Hope the everything goes ok for you, please reach out if you need someone to chat to
@rachieb Thank you 
Please keep me updated on how you’re getting on. Always here to chat also 
Hi @rachieb & @findingmyway38
Just wanted to send hugs and to say I also have IDC grade 3 and lymph node involvement and know exactly how you feel. All of the waiting and uncertainty is so tough and crippling at times.
Im also am a similar age and have a little one.
It’s very isolating all of this so just wanted to say I’m here.
X
Hi @321_cake thanks for reaching out about your own experience, sending huge hugs to you and your little one. You’re right I feel so isolated, I haven’t told friends and family because I don’t think I can without crying. I don’t think I can tell the kids yet, not until I know more about my receptors and CT scan, mostly because I’m still so scared it will show something worse. Where are you up to on this horrible journey?
Bless you, Just do things at your own pace. One step at a time. Things are so overwhelming with all of this so just try one thing at a time.
I’ve had surgery and seen the oncologist.. still trying to process it but have been finding it really hard. About to start chemotherapy. Waiting for some results too.
Just be kind to yourself bless you, We’re here to talk to and the nurses on here are great. One thing at a time.
Hi @321_cake @rachieb Hope you’re both doing ok? Just reaching out to send hugs and hope you get the results soon 
I’m hoping to start chemo on Thursday but have a meeting with my oncologist tomorrow to finalise everything! The waiting is by far the worst..one day at a time
Hi @findingmyway38 Thankyou for asking I’m feeling a bit nervous felt really tearful this week. Hopefully starting chemotherapy next week. But you’re right the waiting is tough. It’s all feeling really real. Hope you’re ok? How are you feeling about things?
@rachieb How are you doing too? Sending hugs.
Hi all,
Saw this post and thought I’d send my best wishes. Have you had CT scan yet? First thing to note is de novo distant metastases are very rare as I understand it.
I was diagnosed 7m ago. I was 36, with two very young kids. Multiple large tumours and lymph nodes affected. The wait for the CT results was absolutely hideous.
But I promise you there will be joy again. I’ve had chemo, surgery and radio now. It has been nothing like as awful as I expected so far and having thought my life was over just after diagnosis I’m feeling really pretty positive now. Modern medicine is amazing. It’s a slog but you can do this. Please reach out if you have any questions or want any reassurance. You’ve got this! Xxx
Good luck @findingmyway38 and @321_cake with the chemotherapy. I’m sure you’ll both smash it!! Please keep me updated with how it’s going. I got a call from my nurse with my receptors, as I am ER+PR+HER- they are going to proceed with surgery first, then radiotherapy and finally chemo so I don’t think I’ll have a CT scan until much later which I think is terrifying. But I’ll know more when I talk to the surgeon this week (surgery isn’t for another month!). Thanks for the lovely message @jululemon good to see someone similar coming out of the other side. How have you found everything juggling 2 little ones?
Thankyou. Bless you. I’m hormone positive and her 2 negative too.
I had surgery first and then chemotherapy and then doing radiotherapy and hormone therapy. Does all feel overwhelming and scary.
Do you know what kind of surgery you are having? How are you feeling about things? I feel kind of kind of guilty with mine, Just want to do things with them and feel sad this is happening. They’re what’s keeping me going though.
Have you got support at home?
Bless you, You’ve got this. It is hard waiting for things to start and test results but just one step at a time x
Hey @321_cake thats really interesting to hear, how long did you have to wait for surgery and chemo and did you have anything while you waited? They are doing a lumpectomy as it’s 12mm and full node removal as one was positive on biopsy. What about you? Husband has been really supportive and doing so much with the kids while I take it easy! X
Having a treatment plan does make things much easier - or at least I found that.
I’m HR+ HER2- too but due to the size of my tumours they did chemo first to shrink it but surgery first seems the more routine approach for this subtype. I then had a mastectomy and partial node clearance (they took a modern approach which is to de-escalate surgery where there are only a few nodes +ve and not automatically do a full clearance and focus on radiotherapy to zap the remaining ones to try to limit risks of lymphoedema etc - things to think about down the line).
If you’re keen to ascertain whether there’s any spread distantly, really push for a CT or PET CT - it would be unusual for them not to do this I would have thought? Especially if it’s in the nodes. I was convinced it was in my brain and bones during the wait and I was starting to have symptoms associated with the fear.
The juggle with kids was tricky at times - points in chemo and appointments and post-surgery but honestly it was not as bad as I feared. And I do overwhelmingly feel that having them has been a wonderful distraction which has made the process that bit less bad as the cuteness cheers you up on a bad day! Having a good support network really helps if you’re lucky enough.
I promise you when you’re in the flow of treatment things will very likely feel like they have direction. You must be feeling awful right now - I remember those feelings like they were yesterday. But I promise you there will be joy again even during the chaos of treatment. It’s the club you do not want to join, but you come across amazing people and gain a very refreshing perspective on life from it all. But do also let yourself have the awful days. Something really horrendous has happened! xx
Hey everyone I am all very new to this and have just been reading your posts and has been so helpful. Sending you all hugs and that everything goes smoothly.
I just got diagnosed with triple negative IDC Grade 3 with some DCIS also, I’m waiting on an MRI next Monday then breast surgeon on the Wednesday. I had clear scans 8 weeks ago and found this lump so hoping/confident that it’s very early and small.
I am 44 and a mom of two girls 11 and 9, definitely agree having them is keeping me going while the agonizing wait continues for mri and treatment plan.
Sending positive energy to each one of you
Hi @rachieb was a couple of months between surgery and chemotherapy. Don’t think I had anything inbetween other than a pre op and things. I decided to have a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction.
That’s great he’s so supportive.
Once you have more of a plan in place it will help, It’s tough but it does help when you feel like your doing something. Sending hugs.
Sorry you have found yourself here but there’s lots of lovely people to talk to. Sending hugs.
Hi @Cleo82, sorry you have found yourself here, sending huge hugs to you too
I met my surgeon today and the surgery has been moved forward so only 2 weeks away, whoop. @jululemon Going to do the lumpectomy but this surgeon has given me the choice of having the full auxiliary lymph node removal or just sentinel nodes with the caveat that if most of them are positive I would need to go back to surgery to get the rest cleared. Need to think what the best option is but sounds more similar to yours. Again, they still aren’t keen on scanning me before the surgery