Men don’t tend to waste much time looking backwards. By the time they announce their decision to leave, they’ve already done their thinking, they’re way down the line and have made their minds up, whatever the string of excuses they pull to make you feel guilty or sympathetic of their struggles. Him moving out is a new concept for you, but he’s thought it through and has already come to terms with the pros and cons.
What a terrible shame that his essential ‘self-preservation’ became so important just whilst you are at such a low point.
And don’t let him pull you any further down, while he, poor boy, begs his mummy’s tea and sympathy and gets on with his new, pressure-free life. How DARE he let you feel guilty for making his life so hard? You haven’t failed, you didn’t choose the BC and he has no clue what you are going through.
Anne, if roles were reversed, do you honestly think you would react the same way as he has? I doubt it, because we are not like men.
It won’t be easy but please believe that you are stronger than you think you are. Concentrate on looking after yourself and your needs and don’t worry how he is struggling, because he clearly has to concentrate on himself - he’s a bloke.
Just read your last posting, Anne. I know his mum is his mum, but shouldnt she be kicking his a*se and telling him to support you. At least if he wont, you would think she would let you know that she is there for you. sounds a bit of a mummy’s boy who has had an easy life? Maybe totally wrong, but I would be so disappointed in my sons if they were to do this. I know a break up is personal and always two sides but he needs to face his responsibilities. What does he want? A cast iron guarantee that he have a healthy wife?
6 Hi Anne
sorry to hear things are no nearer to being sorted out.
Like you I am on taxol and avastin I had a scan after 6 tax & 4 avst it showed 50% reduction. Had a scan on Wed after 6 more lots scan results not as good but still some reduction I am going to carry on with avastin & byphos but dropping taxol. I am telling you this because I dont want you worrying if you get similar results after next scan. It is a very difficult time for you at the moment but you have to put yourself 1st it would be daft of me to say dont worry because us women do worry unlike men we can think of more than one thing at a time. Please be strong and carry on with your treatment worry is one of the worst things that you can put yourself through. Have you tried talking to your mother in law maybe she could help put your mind at ease.
Love Debsxxx
Anne
I have been away for a few days and have just been catching up with things…I hope you are doing Ok, you need to think about yourself and how you are doing and can cope with treatment…reach out to your family and to friends who can do helpful positive things for you.
I’m afraid I was really struck by the fact that your husband came to pick up his golf clubs- you are so obviously concerned for him and worried about him, and your marriage and he came to get his golf clubs?? I don’t want to go on about that - but it seems to me he is pretty clear about who comes first…
Maybe it is a good idea to meet up with your mother in law- I think in a similar situation my mother in law would be ok to meet me, you could have a good chat with her about everything and see what she thinks…
love
cathy