Hi lovely ladies, ive just joined this forum today becasue its the first time ive been able to bring myself to read about other peoples experiences.
2 years ago my husband of 30 years of being together, up and left me for no particular reason. He was keen to sell the house and in Feb this year i agreed. I was so fed up with my life, living alone, that i decided to quit my job, go to America (best friend) for a few months after the house was sold and come back and start again. I booked my flight for Sept 1st and was glad to have something to look forward to. Then last day of term, went for a routine mammogram and BAM, you can guesss the rest. So flights cancelled, and house still sold so i had to move out only a few days after surgery.
Friends offered me spare rooms but i didnt want to live with a family, so my ex decided to step up and offered me a room in his flat. Im here now looking at his new life and how mine is completely awful and i cant stop thinking how the hell did i get here? I don’t deserve such bad luck, i dont feel like ive done anything really bad in my life to deserve such an awful handout.
But and as so many of you say, when it happens to you, we have no choice but to get on with it. I looked out of the window up at the sky outside the operating theatre and knew that so many of my family and friends were sending me prayers for my recovery, I was thinking of all of them in turn as i sat there and lit myself a candle in my head. I was scared, but also knew i needed to get rid of the demon lump inside my breast that represented my past life. Now its gone im awaiting the next part of my journey, radio therapy and im afraid i feel scared about not being able to drive myself, or be in control of how i feel. Or even see the skin get knarled by the treatment. I know everybody is different and we all have to consider its about being positive and upbeat, but i feel really sad today. I dont have a family around me, my friends are at work. Im still in bed at 10.30am and ive not eaten breakfast yet.
I hope you dont mind me offloading, but as i write this i have tears in my eyes, i feel lost at sea. I am dreading the T drug, as i had an awful time during the menos.
Thanks for listening. x
Good morning R,I think we have all had days when we feel like you do today and it doesn’t matter if you have a partner or supportive friends and family , this is happening to you not them and it is a very lonely illness at times.Dont worry too much about the radiotherapy ,we all have a moan about it but ultimately it has to be done and in the space of 3 or 4 weeks the chances of this happening again will be significantly reduced.I have driven myself most days to the hospital,it is tiring but doable.Boob is very sore but again I can put up with that if it means this sodding thing buggers off and leaves me alone .Start making some plans to go away with your friend when this is over , it’s unfair that this has happened to us but there is life after breast cancer it will not feel this bad forever.Come and talk to us on the September Sizzlers thread ,we don’t mind you having a rant when you need one and we don’t always talk about cancer !!!
PS my Tamoxifen side effects are settling down and I can live with the slight joint pain I have been left with ,again if it stops it coming back I can put up with it.
Hallo - sorry to read about what’s happening. I had to cancel a flight to the USA too. Sh*t isn’t it? Someone sent me a fridge magnet that got them through a bad time it says " when you are going through hell keep going…" Winston Churchill said it and it is surely true. Hope you feel better tomorrow. X
Hello Reikiran
I’m at a similar stage to you, had lumpectomy and SNB on 8th Sept and now waiting on appointment to sort out radiotherapy and meds. Not really sure what to expect from radiotherapy, just want to know what happens really and then get on with it so life can get a bit back to normal.
Boob still sore and I get so tired, some people seem to bounce back quickly but we’re all very different I guess. Had a really good day on Friday and thought yeay cracked it them bam down I go again!?! One step forward two steps back it seems sometimes.
Been sent to bed like a naughty child today and told to rest up. Thank goodness for the laptop and tennis on the telly!
This whole thing is such a rollercoaster of emotions and up’s and downs isn’t it, and sounds like you’ve had an awful lot of others horrible things to deal with too :smileysad: Have found a lot of good advice on here though and it really helps to know others are feeling a similar way to yourself, don’t feel quite so alone :smileywink:
Take care and hope things work out well for you with everything not just your treatment :smileywink:
Julie :smileywink: xxx
Hello Everyone
Have my appointment with the oncologist tomorrow, thought I was ok about it and what was coming but am very stupidly getting myself into a right state.
When I had my results the surgeon said I would only need rads and tablets, but that all case are reviewed by a panel and my brain is now working overtime with the “what if’s” … what if they’ve discussed me and decided otherwise…would they have told me before tomorrow or will I just find out tomorrow!!! …what if I need some chemo etc.
Had been so relieved to get the results I did and hadn’t worried up till now but my overactive imagination is bringing back all the old feelings from those early weeks after diagnosis.
Sorry to moan on I know I am in a much better position than some ladies on here but emotions have just gone into overdrive and got the better of me today. Have tried to talk to my family and friends but although lovely and supportive they can’t really understand the feeling of fear I have just now and I hope they never ever will have to know.
Sorry to go on just needing somewhere to vent where people understand, hate hate hate all this and probably PMT isn’t helping either, who’d be a woman?!
Tears are coming now so that’ll help get it out of my system!!
Will go and give myself a kick up the arse in a minute and pour a large glass of wine!
Hope you are all having a better day, take care.
Julie :smileywink: xxx
Thank you both for you lovely encouraging posts, so grateful to you :smileywink:
Appointment isn’t until late today so trying to keep busy, napping the morning away seemed to help pass the time!
Will update you as soon as I can :smileywink: Now to decide on my treat! :smileywink:
Hope you are having a good day :smileyhappy:
Love Julie :smileywink: xxx
Hello Everyone
Well it’s good news, just 19 zaps of Radiotherapy and Tamoxifen to come. My Oncologist was a lady, who was so lovely calm and patient, explaining everything that would happen, definately in the right job and just who I needed, and put me totally at ease after my extreme anxiety over this appointment.
Also got a copy of my Path report and she went over my results again, and it all sunk in a bit better this time and now undertstand what type etc I had, which is a big help head wise so to speak.
Feeling as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders tonight.
Now know what I’m facing, so onwards and upwards!!!
Thank you for your support while I was having my huge wobble while waiting and hope any of you waiting on appointments etc have good outcomes too!
Love and hugs to you all
Julie 
xxx
PS My “treat” was pizza and vino from Asda on the way home! xxx
Thanks ladies :smileywink:
Good luck today Ran will be thinking of you!!! :smileywink:
Loving your pre-appt treat idea of looking fabulous whatever you feel like! Go girl!!! :smileyvery-happy:
I’m down on the south coast so rads should be in Portsmouth hospital not too far to travel :smileyhappy:
Pizza and vino was great thanks catokitty :smileywink: Hadn’t had much of an appetite beforehand but was suddenly starving on the way home!!! :smileyvery-happy:
Hope everyone has a good day.
Julie :smileywink: xxx
Hi Ran
Glad your rads appt went well, sounds almost identical to mine!
Hopefully not too long to wait until we can get started and get finished!!!
Lemon cheesecake sounded good, but as I’m rubbish at cooking (good at burning things) think the lovely cookbook would be wasted on me!!! :smileyvery-happy: But will be interested to hear all the lovely things you make :smileyhappy:
Great idea about the October roads thread! I’ll see you over there and the rest of you lovely ladies too!!
Julie :smileywink: xxx
Hi, had surgery at end of October. Just been for radiotherapy planning and due to start next week. It is strange as someone else said, remained quite positive around surgery even though the waiting for results was awful. It now feels that having got through the surgery and it’s after effects, I now have to start thinking about it all again! Oh well I have a few days to get my head in the right place and get on with it. Good luck to everyone else.