Here I am - very late on eve of day before next Tax. And I have gone down with another cold/chest infection. I had recovered and this is so annoying. Hoping I recover by some miracle for Friday. I think the worst s/e for me on the whole chemotherapy regime has to be the tearfullness and feeling sad about things. It takes a lot to lift my spirits and almost nothing to shatter them again. Went to the hospital this morning for pre chemo checks (don’t know about blood count yet) and to have line flushed. I got to actually see my path report today. And tumour was 3.5cm afterall - but it is those five nodes which reduce my odds. Every ache… pain - I find myself imagining the worst and it will only be a matter of time until it comes back. Negative thoughts I know.
I have spent rest of the day and evening working - things are very manic at the moment and I have a full day in the office tomorrow.
We ate a Sainsbury’s quiche - bacon and leek, and it seemed totally tasteless so won’t have that again. I enjoyed the apprentice - one of my favourites on tv.
Get better soon shell.
Hope rads continue to go one without too much event.
Caron - just one word… worddrop. You win again deft hands.
Hi girls,
Well I had a lovely day yesterday. Took monster out of nursery and we went to the Bus museum. he has a bus fetish!! We went by train as it’s out in the country, which he loved and he loved all the buses. Got to pretend to drive one and everything! Got back to Oxford and it was so lovely, we went on the tourist (open top) bus…which made him very very excited! Then we went to the Botanic Garden, where my pal works and had much fun finding things. Then out to dinner with pal and monster for pizza. Got home, put kai to bed and then I went straight to bed. Steve got back about 9ish from a trip to Dubai!!! Lucky him!!
Days like that are wonderful and I’m trying to learn from Bright’s approach of exploration. There are so many places around here that I haven’t been, so I’m going to take myself off and out lots more.
Have finally got my appt for rads planning - so so much later to get going. feel like things might be growing inside me!! Anyway, it’s next Thursday. Friday have genetics appt and also false boob fitting. How exciting!!!
Caron - is that the longest post ever??? Families take you to all extremes don’t they especially when you are so low. I didn’t realise until away from the chemo for a few weeks, how emotional and low it had made me. I know about the guilty mum thing. There were many days when i couldn’t play with Kai and I felt so bad as he doesn’t realy understand.
Bright - you echo me so much!!! I’m up one minute and the next …I’m choosing songs for my funeral. I convince myself that I have a chance to make it and then read about lovely Dippykate and others and remember how awful this disease is. I’m too frightened to be positive. I have had a bad back this week so of course thought the worse. the fact that I have always had a terrible back and slipped my disc a few years back has clearly escaped me!
Jo - good luck with the scan!
Andie - glad to hear you survived your first rads treatment. It’s good to hear about the process from you and Jo and soon Kath. I will be joining you soon.
Kath- hope rads went OK.
Shell- hope you’re feeling better. IV antibiotics are so much more effective…they will crack the bug I’m sure!!
Forgot to ask about dates for meeting. I think you said 12 or 13 June. I suspect I will have rads on 12th…can we make it the 13th and then i could come too!!!
PPS
Steve’s story about photographing the burglar is in Real People Magazine this week. It’s hilarious. Complete fabrication. I was crying with laughter when i read it. Shows how much they add to it! Apparently I was excitedly watching X Factor… they compared Steve to Clint eastwood. It’s so so funny. I’m so relieved he didn’t mention my bc, as the story would have been even worse!!!
Back from rads No.2. I was there a bit longer than I expected because thursday is evidently clinic day and on thursdays after the rad zap you have to wait and see the senior radiographer to check there are no problems. As it was only my 2nd visit it was a bit pointless but that is the system. On my last thursday zap I will be sent to the oncology clinic as well. And I just thought it would be in zap and out again.
We did go on the motorbike and the rain held off until we were on our way home.Train with one of my daughters tomorrow.
Jo I know just what you mean about keeping absolutely still. Why do I feel as if I must cough or sneeze just at the wrong moment.
Kathy I hope your rads is going OK as well.
Bright I hope tax goes OK and the SEs are not too bad.
Caron a little while ago you were busily researching the incidence of left and right sided BC. Did you come up with any interesting results.
Zits! No-one’s mentioned this as a side-effect of chemo, or is it just me? I’m fourteen again, with my nose and chin looking like a volcanic moonscape! Dabbing like mad with tea-tree oil and trying to stop myself touching them.
Andie, glad you had a good ride. My OH is an ex-biker. Had a Ducatti for a while, but it kept conking out, so he swapped it for a Ninja. He didn’t tell me until after he’d sold it that it was the fastest production bike on the road at the time, and he’d clocked 130 on the M54 (at six am on a summer Sunday when there was no-one else on the road, but even so…!) Me, I wouldn’t sit on them when they were locked in the garage with the key in the other room! He can’t ride anymore - due to arthritis, he can’t get his leg over… if you see what I mean!
Hi all,
It seems everyone has had a hectic few days, I’ve been offline in the new place. So I’m posting this from afriend’s house.
Caron- the joys of families! I think those of you with children deserve medals whilst doing chemo.
Andie-loved meeting you onMonday. The first real talk withsomeone who totally understands. It did me the world of good. I,m glad everyones’rads are going OK. As my planning took up 2 appointments Ithought my first" fry "up would be simple. unfortunately it took an hour and a quarter and then after 2nd zap the machine gave up completely. Consequently I’m only half cooked and I was sent home.
At the moment I’m going through a very bad period. Understandedly, with my financial as well. But the depression has really taken hold today and I’m very low.
My gp tried to organise counselling for me at the hospice but the good news is I’m not eligible as they are deeming my cancer as curable. However, like you Andie, I will never feel free of this worry. John can’t understand this and it’s making things difficult. He feels I should try and put it behind me once the rads are over. But the unknown of when and if this cruel illness strikes again is very much in my future. Perhaps I’m being paranoid. My friends don’t think so.
I’m sorry to moan and go. Ireally wanted to address everyone today but have got to go out with my friend now.
Love Kathy
Kathy,
I got counselling via my breat cancer nurse, as they have counsellors available through the hospital. It seems terrible that there is nothing available for you? is it worth asking your bcn in case she knows of any other source? I am also finding the Stress Management Course at Maggies useful and a good way to talk to others in a similar position. You’re not being paranoid. I am the same. I don’t know how to get on with living when I am so scared of dying. However, I also know that it’s important to enjoy life whatever its form - so hard though sometimes. BC just seems to put a darkness over things…especially for those of us in “high recurrence risk” situations! My hubbie doesn’t really get it either - he deals with everything as it happens!! Doesn’t seem to worry like me! Hope you are feeling better today.
Gxxxx
Hi Girls yes the dates were 12/13th June the 13th is the saturday so maybe we’d be better heading for that??
Hope Shelly is on the mend?
hey I realized that when I was telling you about my psoriasis I think I wrote cirrosis !!! don’t want that thanks!lol
my throat is still sore through ulcers and there was me saying they don’t hurt as much as mormal ulcers!
Suzanne don’t like bikes Steve knows quite a few bikers that have been killed there was one that went over a train line but went back for his mate and he got dragged along by the train.
You won’t believe this !!
you know Marc is really ill well the other day Cheryl said to Marc
“oh you did this on purpose didn’t you? you know I was going to have a naughty weekend so you have put a stop to it havn’t you "
anyway my mam said " I wonder if she will still go away?”
(as last time he was in she went away for a dirty weekend with her new bo!)
anyway this morning Cheryl got called into the hospital so they must have thought something they don’t call you in for nothing do they?
My mam went to hospital to see Marc and Cheryl was there she said (cheryl) Ive got to get off in a minute as I’m going away !!!
I can’t believe her what mother would do that? when he could die at any minute?? I hope she (cheryl) doesn’t ask me what I think, as it would cause trouble!!!
Gail: I will deffo get real people this week I used to get it every week but stopped recently CLINT EASTWOOD !!!lol
Andie the leftie or rightie thing the moderators contacted me to say it had somehow been lost!! but I think Bright found it???
love Caronxx
Just had my fifth and penultimate chemo today - and feeling really tired. Not helped by not going to bed until 6am this morning as had work deadline to meet. Though dexamethazones helped with staying awake which I had taken pre taxotere.
I will write more tomorrow but need to go to bed now!
Yes, count me in for Sat 13th June, it will be great to meet up with everyone!
Sorry not a long message today, feeling very tired and very low. Still no hair!
Hope everyone else is ok!
Jo X
Anyone else for Saturday 13th? Once we know who is coming, we can arrange most central place to meet. Does a place for early afternoon tea sound good - about 2pm?
Tired tonight, walked to Brixton in a semi-daze - but just about alert enough to admire spring flowers, West Indian market stalls, and later to make chicken in a mustard and cider sauce, which I served on a bed of spinach. Trying to avoid carbs…
When did you finish your chemo Jo? Read that hair normally starts growing back between 6 to 10 weeks after last cycle. So still early days for you I think. Taxotere is not as kind to my hair as the FEC - I am losing a bit - but only need to get through one more now.
Do you mean 6 to 10 weeks after last chemo administered, or 6 to 10 weeks after 3 week chemo cycle finished, in other words after next one would be due if having it? my last one was administered 6 weeks tomorrow! I know I’m probably being impatient but met up with a couple of girls last week who are at same stage and they’ve got quite a bit coming through? I’m still loosing eyelashes and you know me, the hair thing is just adding to my depression!
Caron, hows you’re hair coming on?
Gotta say this radiotherapy thing is much better than chemo but for me I feel dissappointed that it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I’m quite sore already even after 1 week and energy levels not much better than on chemo, just feeling lathargic all the time! All the physio that i’ve been having since my surgery in October seems to have been a complete waste of time as since rads started my arm movement seems to have taken several steps backwards, hence feeling a bit low at the moment. Andie, kathy how are you finding rads?
Also have been doing weight watchers for weeks now but all it’s doing is maintaining my current weight, not loosing any at all so I’m blaming the tomoxifen for that!
Don’t know if I mentioned the result of my scan, but what they thought were cysts on my left ovary on the CT scan, turned out to be scarring from my old ectopic pregnancy. Just makes me really cross though, that if we hadn’t pushed for this ultra sound they were prepared to just ignore what they thought were cysts. How would they have ever known if they were normal cysts or something more sinister? after all, according to 2 surgeons the one in my breast was nothing more that a cyst!!!
Jo So glad you have said about arm movement on rads - I thought it was just me. After surgery I persevered with the exercises and my arm movement was good. I have only had 3 rads to date and already I can feel my arm movement reducing. I am doing the exercises every day but they don’t seem to be helping. If this gets progressively worse I will be having real trouble towards the end. Not helped by the fact that I had a fall yesterday (stupidly I tripped and fell against the wardrboe)and have hurt my wrist.
If the date of the 13th suits everyone go for it. I will try and come but am also hoping to go away during June when appointments have finished and our favourite hotel room is available.
I had my hair cut yesterday!! It is very very short still but very very uneven. By having it cut it looks better for being the same tiny length all over. Ambitiously I have made another appointment for a trim in 4 weeks time. I finished chemo on 23rd January so it is taking ages to grow BUT it is growing.
Hi Girls,
well what a day I had yesterday !
I wanted to start getting into the swing of things so I got up at 11am ( I didnt go to sleep till 4am ).
So got up did washing hovering ect jam & em came they had just moved into a new flat and said they were going out later, I said fancy going out when you have not even sorted your flat out.
Anyway was just turning my pc off when I was going to sleep and emmy came online saying she had lost jamie !!
I said what do you mean? anyway she had lost her phone so he went mad at her so they had a argument and he stormed off.
So I asked how drunk was he? she said very so she said she was worried and I said I am now as didnt know if hed been hit, runover,arrested (4 BEING DRUNK)and she says he said he’d lost his keys to his flat ! I said do you think he was just saying that as you had lost your phone? she said yes I think he has them.
this was all at 3 am !!
so she went to stay at her dads and went to bed.
Just settled down again bang bang bang !!
Bloody Jamie at the door now it was now 4AM !!!
where’s my keys he says !!!
I said I dont know jamie , emmy said you had lost them !
he just kept saying wheres my keys anyway we got him to sleep on the sofa ! (thankgod) and all was quiet again .
Anyway so it turns out between then them they lost her phone,
his keys and also his wallet !!! all in different pubs and his wallet fell out his pocket when he fell over ! never had any money in but it did have his cards in.
I bet the person who found his wallet was disappointed when they opened it !! lol
Bloody pair of them !! honestly.
so now today I didnt end up getting up till 3pm so now I am back to square one !!
we are having leg of pork today with apple sauce love Caronxx
hope everyone can make it on the 13th ??
Just catching up on all your threads, seems like iv been away for ages.
Iv had to stop taking my anti-biotics as iv been throwing up since Sat night,feeling better this morning tho…See the doctor again on Tuesday.
Where are you all meeting up on 13th June?
I do my Race for life walk on the 14th June…Thats if iv got enough energy!!!
Nice to hear from you Shelly,
hope you are recovering from your latest setback, do you think you have got rid of the MRSA now then?
I don’t know much about it really , I think we all carry it ? It’s like the strep ( Im probably wrong I dunno? ).
Hope your not sick anymore.
On 13th we are meeting in London please dont ask me where cos I think that is V’s decision and I think she wanted to make it easy for Gail or it might have been JO?? (god my brain is just mush!!)
Don’t worry we will let you know though and really really hope you can make it? we hope all of us will be able to make it??
It’s bank holiday today so the kids are not at school or college so I never got up till 1pm ! (that was 11 hours I wonder if I am getting back to the 11, 12 13 hours??)
Anyway Owen & Chloe played hangman and Jordan went out to see his girlfriend.
My mam came to see me & Cheryl rang me to tell me how Marc is I said I feel a bit better now so I will go and see him when Steve comes home.
I made chloe & Owen egg & chips for tea I said they could have chips cos they haven’t had them for ages , and they are new spuds so they would have been really nice I had cornish pasty.
Gail saw you in real people it was a lovely photo of you all my Jamie was reading it he was laughing his head off !! (spiderman).
Hope everyone is alright? specailly Bright after your latest Tax?
love Caronxx
Re the 13th June - I was going to wait and see who else wanted to come and then suggest a place which is most central from the mainline station. At the moment it is Caron, Jo, me (and Andie?) so probably somewhere close to Victoria - as that’s where Jo’s train will come into.
I am suffering more this time from tax side effects, can hardly feel my fingers at all, and aches and pains have been quite bad. So far though no 'sludge gob’or ulcers. Feeling emotional and tearful - as feel entrapped in my body and not able to do all that I want to do.
Saturday we went to Charles Darwin’s house in Kent, lots of artefacts from his personal life, - a lock of his wife’s hair, pocket watch, etc… as well as his scientific work - and his voyage on the Beagle. Lovely old glasshouse full of insectiverous plants - and we sat for a while under an apple tree.
Yesterday just managed to get the bus to Balham and walked round the supermarket. I made chicken chasseur for supper which was nice.
Hoping everyone is okay - and good to hear from you Shelley.
Jo on the hair - I think it is meant to be about 6 weeks from last chemo that it starts to regrow - so hopefully any time now for you.
Afternoon ladies,
hope everyone is alright today, I had an early start today after I got the kids off to school I thought I would make a rhubarb crumble .
Then I gave the kitchen a good going over and cleaned all the units.
I thought my microwave would have been cleaned last by me so opened the door and I noticed all smokey marks inside it.
I looked at the top of microwave and it was obvious there had been a fire in it (must have been while I have been ill, as it was alright before).
I text Steve “what the hell has happend to my microwave”???
he says “oh that was Chloe with her popcorn”
I said it has been on fire!!
he said the bag caught fire …
really mad with them for not telling me!!
Steve said he didn’t want to worry me but he told me about our tv that broke!! (the tv has been replaced now it is a plasma wall hanging one and it was only 3 months old).
JO : don’t know if this is just me or did others get it?? my head keeps itching (feels like I have got the dicks!)is it something to do with my hair growing??? or is it just me??
love Caronxxxxxxxxxxxx
I knew the easy ride with rads was too good to last. Went in on time for todays appointment. They had a bit of trouble lining me up on the machine then just as they were about to leave the room and set everything going all the alarms went off because one of the components on the machine had malfunctioned. I had to get up and wait outside while they sent for an engineer. This scenario repeated 3 times with me on and off the machine like a liitle mad woman. Eventually they got to a point that the rad zap started. A third of the way through, the alarms went again and they had to transfer me to the other machine to finish off todays treatment. You can just imagine how many people were in the waiting room - this had taken an hour and a half. Now I am really worrying myself because on friday I have rads early, I need to be at my own hospital for herceptin later in the day. If this machine is still playing up I could have a problem getting both done. I think I mentioned before I have a masters degree in Worrying.
Im feeling a lot brighter today, been to see the doctor and hes pleased with the way my scar/burns are healing,the infection is clearing up great with the manuka honet…its magic.
Had a chest x-ray today as my lungs have been feeling restricted, doc says it could be pleurisy from the radiotherapy…thats new to me!!! Will find out the results in 4/5 days.