Hating everyone!

Hating everyone!

Hating everyone! I finished 9 months of treatment (chemo, surgery, rads) six weeks ago and am now on Tamoxifen for 5 years.

I coped well during treatment but, now that it’s all over, I feel ‘weird’. People (apart from other survivors) are completely bugging me. I take every little thing they say and every little intonation in their voice as a personal slight.

Example: A few nights ago I phoned my sister in tears, saying I thought my relationship with my fiance was over and I was scared I wouldn’t get custody of my daughter. She hasn’t called me back to see if I’m ok.

Example: My friend is organising a meal for me and a few friends to celebrate my being done with treatment. I called her this evening to ask if she had booked anything yet. She said (frostily), “No, but I will do it. I said I would, didn’t I?”

I have decided most people are really quite horrible and have no desire to share my life with them any more. I would be happy to scoop my daughter up in my arms and take her with me to a desert island.

I’m going back to work soon and am worried I won’t be able to integrate with those who have been busy getting on with their uneventful lives while I have been fighting cancer.

Please tell me it gets better!

Lola x

for Lola Im living in Scotland as well,went to the Beatson & great western.I remember ringing up my friend down south saying all sorts of strange things and crying.During my treatment my daughter and her husband came up to visit and it was all too much.At one point after cooking a meal I dropped to the floor sobbing saying I couldnt cope.Im sure its because we have so much support,kindness,and fellow BC women to be with during treatment.Everyone at the hospital understands that we are fighting our own scarey battle.But then it all stops.I felt like Id been put in limbo.Now I have a Breast cancer Peer support lady how was matched up to my history.She is so much help and our case history is almost identical.I think that it would be a massive help if you do the same.Also you are still extremely fragile ,not just your body that needs to heal but your mind has been on overdrive.Hope this helps ,after a year Im still not totally healed.Best wishes,enjoy your special meal,they must care so much for you,they havent had BC so find it difficult to understand how you are feeling.Bye for now,Debs

Message for Lola Hi Lola,
I feel that Debs summed it all up really well and you have only just finished all your main treatment. I found the few months after the main treatment had finished very lonely at times as people want to move on and focus on other things. This can be very isolating and I have found great support from this site. I am now over a year down the line and feel so much better and happier. Like Debs was saying, everyone at the hospital does understand and when all the many appointments become sporadic, you can feel lonely and that no one understands.

I hope you have a lovely time with your friends and just take it easy on yourself. No one just finishes the treatment and things are the same, things do change but from personal experience, I feel it can be for the better.

Be kind to yourself and have a rest when you need to, your body and mind have been through a lot.

Sending you a hug and please let us all know you get on.

BethXXX

One of the first things I did when after my surgery was to dump all the “toxic” people from my life, I just thought they would not help my mental state whilst I was going through this treatment.

I have a hypochondriac cousin who is into going to a community up here in Scotland. She tries out far too many alternative therapies and does Shamanic rituals in a tent in her livingroom! She told me to get off chemo and use the alternative route (she actually cited the experiences of the late Caron Keating would you believe). She even gave me a book on the subject when I was discharged after ANC surgery. Her alternative practitioner advised her that for £200 he would rebalance me as he was of the opinion my breasts were full of aluminium. I’m afraid they see her coming. Let me tell you, she was the first person I got rid of, haven’t seen her since last year and I don’t intend to either.

I have my sister coming over from abroad in 2 weeks and this is going to be a challenge. I was diagnosed when she was visiting last she and she has been in complete denial about the whole thing. I’m not looking forward to her being here fo 2 weeks as I’m afraid we’ll have a row. I’m afraid I’ve become a bit selfish now and I am predominantly concentrating on the well being of me and my OH.

Know how you feel Hi Lola

Boy do I know how you feel. I finished treatment at the end of January and was fine for a while, but the last three weeks, I, like you sort of “hate everyone” in sight at times. Especially people playing happy families, I find shopping very hard and on many occasions have just left asda without buying a thing. Just stare at everyone who seems to be just getting on with their lives but at the moment I just cannot be bothered to get on with mine. Everything seems to have stopped inside me, just sometimes just want to curl up under the duvet or stop the world I want to get off now. This site helps me enormously and I have made many friends here, keep telling myself its got to get better but now am just taking each day at a time. I have not seen my best friend since April, we fell out over something stupid and I suppose we are both to stubborn to make the first move and make contact. I feel paranoid about everything people say to me and take it personal or the wrong way. I hope everything goes well for you.

Love Elaine

Hating everyone Lola - Hi

I’m new to the forums - but have also recently finished my treatment (April). I’m sure this is another phase we have to go through. I am back at work and have been convinced that certain people have taken a dislike to me - so try looking at it from another angle - people are concerned about you but do not know how to react and that yes unfortunately we are very sensitive to other people and their ways, which hopefully will not last too long.

I have only just started reading the forums and wish that I had known about it earlier - the support and guidance would have been very handy.

Jayne