Having a bad time!

Having a bad time!

Having a bad time! Hi All,

Been posting on the secondaries forum, but need to moan and don’t want to fill the room with negativity!

See profile for details…

Mums been moved to clatterbridge yesterday, we are getting very little communication so can only guess why!

Still can’t walk or Wee and is really really down more than I’ve ever seen her before.

Throughout her original treatment we were able to say “this will get you better” now we know it won’t, so whats the point in going through all this sh*t knowing the end result won’t be a good one!

The hospital Ward that Mum is on is quite depressing (lots of dying people) and she has no privacy, phone or TV.

I can be strong when Mum is but last night I really lost it, I’m 30 no kids, an only child and I’m gonna lose my mum.

Not even sure if Mum will be able to walk again or come home, no one can tell us how long we have got but she looks very ill.

I’m scared for Dad, without Mum he has nobody, without Mum I only have my boyfriend who although tries his best hasn’t a clue what to do or say (not that anyone has!)

Can’t find anything positive at the moment and state of mind has always got us through before, I know being tired doesn’t help.

Sorry if this post is a bit instructured I just wanted to rant!

Its so sad…the only person who can make me feel better at times like this is my Mum and now she can’t be there for me…I know when she dies it will be awful, i’m not sure I’ll ever get over it!

Sorry to moan, love to you all


Lou if you’re feeling awful always tell- it helps.
Is Clatterbridge the hospice or hospital? If the latter don’t lose hope. if the former you’ll have to remember all you’ve learned from your Mum to help you to help you both through.
We never lose someone we love even though they’re no longer here. You’ll always have your Mum with you.
Remember this forum’s purpose is help and support. When you need it use it.
Best wishes for better news or an easy journey to both of you, dilly


I am so sorry that you are going through this, I just wanted to post to give you a bit of support really and show that there are others who know exactly how you feel.

I am 26 and lost my mum in august as a result of secondaries on the lung which turned to pneumonia. She survived a year after her secondary diagnosis and it was the worst year of my life. As you say, how can you be upbeat when you know what the ultimate end is going to be? But somehow I managed to be. Mum didnt know her prognosis which was a godsend, she thought she was going to get better and I wasnt about to tell her different. However I knew and it took over my life. I couldnt sleep, I cried all the time, I was very depressed and didnt want to do anything, all I wanted was to be with mum.

It doesnt matter at all that you got yourself into a state last night, you are perfectly entitled to. I was always strong in front of mum too, she called me her rock, and I really think that is what she needed from me, I sensed this is what was best, and it seems thats what you think as well. You need to be able to let your feelings out when you are on your own, otherwise you will go mad and it will be much worse later if you dont.

I was also scared about what would happen to dad once we lost mum. They were together 40 years and were true soul mates. But dad has amazed me and is doing very well. Your dad will too, he wont have nobody he will have you. Try not to think about this too much at the moment, I know its hard but concentrate on mum and then concentrate on dad when you need to. My husband was also no help, whenever I got upset and said I was going to loose my mum he told me not to be so silly and that she would be here for years yet, so I stopped talking to him about it.

There is no denying that if you do loose her it will be awful, and no you wont get over it, but you do learn to accept and live with it. I never believed this would be possible. My mum was the centre of my world, we were so so close and did everything together, had a perfect family, and I could never imagine what it would be like. She has left a massive hole in my life. As the months have gone by it has become easier and I dont cry as much as I used to. I think about her all the time but the memories are getting easier to bare. I go through phases when its awful and I dont feel that I can go on, but then I pick myself up - I say to myself that my mum wouldnt want me to be like this, she would want me to go on, and she was brave so I can be too. It helps me.

So I really do understand how you are feeling at the moment, it is awful, but you have to soldier on for your mums sake. You are a strong person and can deal with whatever comes your way, however good or bad, and you will be able to get through it I promise, even if it doesnt feel like it. I look at these boards every day so am always here if you need me, ask me anything you like.

I am thinking of you and your lovely mum.

Love Joanne x x x

Hi Lou

Sorry to hear things arent so good for your mum at the moment. You are perfectly entitled to rant. It is unfair and you musnt feel bad for feeling like that.

My mum was diagnosed with bone mets in April 2005. She always had a lot of pain right from the start which was difficult to control at times. My mood was always dependant on how my mum was. Although the constant worry never went away there were times when things were bearable. When your mum is so ill it is hard not to feel negative. But my understanding is that sometimes bones mets can improve, this never happened for my mum but they did control it. she had severe pain in her legs, hips and back at times but usually a course of radiotherapy sorted this out. My mum sadly died in Sept 2006 but this was after it had spread to her liver ( I am sure it was in her lungs and brain as well but we never got to see the results of her last scans) All the while it was “just” in her bones we were reassured that life would go on.
I wont comment on what should or could happen with your mum but just wanted to send you and your mum lots of love. You will find a way through this. I was very close to my mum and the thought of not having her around made me feel sick but I have coped better than I thought. I still miss her like crazy and I have my moments but it does get easier. Just be there with her as much as you can and tell her how much you love her that is all you can do for the moment. Sharon x

Thanks so much ! Just wanted to say that your posts mean so much, thankyou for taking time to write them and for sharing such personal experiences, they really hae helped me put thins back into perspective,

I’m sad to hear you stories but inspired by your courage and strength,

Love and best wishes