Having a mid life crisis

Anyone else feel like this after having breast cancer you just want to do something for your self ,I’m 6years April since diagnosis I just feel I want to give up work walk away from my boring marriage and be just me I am 57i have been married 40 years but last few years I’ve lots of holidays but can’t do that forever I would liove to go to Africa help the endangered elephants and see life from different perspective . My youngest daughter is 17 this year so feel my role of motherhood has ended and feel empowered to have an adventure and challenge am I being mad . Don’t get me me wrong I love my hubby but all he wants to do is running and making money for our old age . Having had cancer I don’t see tomorrow’s only today’s why can’t he see that sorry for long message but can’t say it anywhere else xx

Nothing like being faced with your own mortality for bringing into sharp focus what’s important to you in life .Im not sure it has quite the same impact on those around us - just getting back to the safety of " normality " is maybe more important to them ? If you are on this forum for long enough you soon realise that life is very precious and precarious ,breast cancer has a horrible habit of sneaking up on you from behind  - we have lost several lovely ladies over the last 12 months but we can’t let fear spoil our lives .Can you find a way to find a half way house with your husband -have some adventures but don’t sell up and move to Outer Mongolia ?

Hi Rockstarchic

 

Your comments reminded me of something I read in that excellent article one of the nurses posted last year. He wrote: 

Once you have recuperated and convalesced, then you have the foundation and the energy to start doing those things that you want to do - and, perhaps, to stop doing those things that you don’t want to do. I remember the patient of a colleague of mine who, once she had completed her treatment for her breast cancer asked for help to ‘… sort out her job, her marriage and her cancer - and in that order.’ After eight sessions, she had decided to change both job and husband. Now your rehabilitation may not be as dramatic or as quick as that, but behind that rather clinical term lies a whole raft of important issues…

 

So it looks like you’re not alone, Here’s the link to the rest of the article about what do we do after the crisis is over??

workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

 

After my treatment finished in the autumn, I had to dupe (?) my husband into counselling at our hospital. It should have been for both of us as I wanted to move on and he was stuck with the idea of me as an invalid. Fortunately the counsellor recognised he needed help more than I did - and there have been subtle changes which are making him much easier to live with (we’ve just passed the 50 year mark since we first met - awww).

 

It seems to me your focuses aren’t mutually exclusive. You don’t have to live in each other’s pocket so why not go off and fulfil a dream? It’s no different from working abroad for a bit and we have Skype etc to stay in touch. Get booking and get packing! You’ve earned it. But so has he. Maybe deep down he has unfulfilled dreams. Have you asked? Good luck, whatever you decide - just don’t keep putting it off x

Hi Rockstarchick

 

I know exactly what you mean. We booked to go away ages ago, but because my partner is an accountant he can’t go until April. We are off to the Dominion Republic. I think it was will do me the World of good as I have really been struggling x

Hi 

I’m still bogged down in the grief of post treatment and hope for recon at the moment but on a small scale I can empathise.

im not going back to my job, they’ve given me no support whatsoever and slowly I’m learning I don’t have to do what I don’t want to any more. I know I’m very lucky that for now I can stop working and not worry (I will worry I’ve never not worked!). 

Ive lived my life always doing what I ‘should’ do, being reliable, dependable, being there for everyone etc but not always doing what has made me happy. For now my priority is getting myself better emotionally and then I’ll be working out what I want to do that makes me happy. I hope that’s with my husband but if he’s not interested I’ll go ahead anyway. 

 

Rockstarchick, don’t sit and wait, book the trip, find the opportunity and if hubby wants to join in, brilliant and if not make sure you send him a postcard. Look forward to hearing about it  xx